Page 9 of Letting Go at 40

“And the past,” Zack adds. “And friendship.”

We all drink in solidarity. Even Ben takes a small sip, before coughing like a frat boy after his first taste of alcohol. I reach for his glass and down the remainder.

Glass now empty.

While I might be filled with alcohol, I’m just as hollow as the morning after a one-night stand. Nothing is going to take away the burn of losing my friend.

Chapter 4

3 Years Ago

August

The Reunion

[Anna]

The day after Ben told his friends about his diagnosis, Mason leads the guys on an adventure. I’m not privy to where they are going or what they are doing. However, excitement fills Mason’s voice when he tells Ben he has somewhere to take him. Mason even allows Zack’s two young sons to go with them, calling it a guys’ day out.

At least, I know they wouldn’t be drinking or picking up women with rambunctious six-year-old twins in tow.

Then again, I wouldn’t put it past Mason, the token single guy in the group.

Logan has been falling in love with Ben’s younger sister during these two weeks and while I can’t predict the outcome of their relationship, I envision a future for them. They think they are so sly, stealing kisses and sneaking off together.

I miss the days when Ben and I were so carefree. We’d kiss like we were the air each of us needed to breathe. Almost twenty years later, he still kisses me like that . . . on occasion.

Ben and I have a very healthy marriage. Our sex life is regular. Our communication is good. We’re open to discussing anything, like the decision to move to Lakeside Cottage. The change will be major, and on the forefront of another life-altering moment.

At first, I worried about the kids, the boys especially. Calvin is a junior in high school and moving means giving up a lot for him. Bryce will be entering high school this fall, which he would have done in Chicago, but the move means a new-to-him community. However, I have faith he’ll make friends easily. I don’t worry half as much about Mila, my soon-to-be middle schooler, as she is resilient and even welcomes the adventure. I’m not certain she fully understands the gravity of her father’s condition.

Still, the decision to relocate was made collectively, so after Ben returns from the guys’ day out with news that he was going into business with Mason, Zack, and Logan, on the cusp of these other changes, I was not pleased. We argued, something we almost never do, although we weren’t perfect as a couple.

On top of Ben’s diagnosis, the decision to move, the potential of starting a new business while Ben was about to begin the battle of a lifetime, one more shocking thing got thrown into the scattered puzzle pieces.

“I’m staying,” Mason announces as we stand on the driveway about to wish our friends safe travels to their perspective homes.

“What?” My question is an echo of Logan’s who has just asked why Mason isn’t packed and loading his sporty car.

I’m still reeling from the heated discussion with Ben last night. We should have been having sex. Instead, we fought over this new development and the last thing I want is Mason Becker lingering longer.

“Why?” Zack asks and I turn in his direction. Zack is one of my oldest friends. I’ve known him longer than I’ve known Ben and Mason as Zack grew up living in the house next door to Lakeside Cottage. Our mothers were childhood best friends. His older brother Noah was friends with my older brother Archer. Zack and I lined up in age while Amelia, my younger sister, was simply a tag along.

I like to take credit for Zack and Ben becoming friends.

Mason is another story.

“I’m the only one single. Ben’s eventually going to need help. I can offer strength for things his boys shouldn’t do, and Anna can’t muster.”

“Are you calling me weak?” I bark.

“You’re the strongest woman we know.” Ben tugs me closer as I stand under his arm, and he presses a kiss to my forehead. For some reason, the kiss feels patronizing. “But Mason has offered and . . . We’ll talk.”

The finality in his words is worse, condescending even.

There is no discussion.

I don’t need Mason. I don’t want him here. I can handle this, whatever the this may be.