Page 11 of Virtually Guarded

No. I had to be able to leave. Even if I decided not to, I needed the option.

“Wait,” he said quietly. At just that single word, my spiraling thoughts settled, and I stared at him. “You’re staying anyway, aren’t you? The Anax declared you his wolf.”

“I mean, I don’t have anywhere else to go,” I said slowly. “But I can’t…Mates?”

“Let me finish, please.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Mates. That isn’t something we can change. What we have power over is what, if anything, we do about it.”

“What do mates even do?” As soon as I asked, I felt foolish. Obviously, they acted like mates. Like partners. Sex, maybe romance, the whole deal that went along with being in a relationship.

Xavier didn’t seem to think I was foolish, though. “On the human-ish side, the same things as any couple. On the werewolf side, there’s a bond between mates. They can feel what each other feels. Hear each other’s thoughts, sometimes.”

“Oh, shit,” I muttered without thinking.

He laughed. “Yeah, well, we can try not to do that. I promise not to listen in on your thoughts if I can help it.”

“Same.” Relieved, I let out a breath. There were definitely things in my mind that I didn’t want anyone to know about. “The bond is what makes us mates?”

He nodded. “Basically. That bond is there no matter what. Fate, or whatever power you believe in that put us together, creates the bond. Keep in mind, some of this might be completely off. I’m only saying what I’ve been told by others.”

“Okay. It’s still more than I know.” I clasped my hands on the table. “Is that all? The bond?”

“Mates usually declare each other.” He hesitated. “That’s kind of a ceremony, usually in front of their Alpha or whoever’s in charge. If we ever get to that point, we’ll declare each other in front of the Anax. The declaration has power. Like when the Anax declared you one of his wolves. You felt something when he did that, right?”

“Yeah.” So presumably, if Xavier and I declared each other as mates, I’d experience a similar binding sensation. The idea made me queasy—but also excited.

“Usually the one who’s higher in the hierarchy is the one who does the declaring, and the other accepts it,” he said. “Hierarchy’s a little sketchy in our situation, because the Anax’s people don’t really have ranks. Same with claiming. The higher-ranked one does the claiming.”

“And the difference between declaring and claiming is?” In spite of myself, I was getting interested. Not in being declared or claimed, or in declaring or claiming Xavier, but in understanding. I had a fuckload to learn about being a werewolf. Fortunately, I enjoyed learning.

“Sex,” Xavier said bluntly. “Declaring is verbal. Usually done in the presence of a leader or at least of others. Claiming is private, between the mates, and it involves sex. Intercourse.”

“Of course it does.” Trembling, I quickly moved my hands below the table so Xavier wouldn’t notice how much I shook. Sex wasn’t a bad thing, but I’d definitely had mixed experiences. Sometimes it was good. Sometimes it was horrible. Sometimes things were done to me against my will. I knew, without even having to wonder, that Xavier wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want, at least. The problem was knowing what I wanted. “Do mates have to claim each other?”

“Like I said, we don’t have to do anything.” He leaned back and folded his arms. “We don’t know each other. You just showed up here yesterday, and you’ve had so much dumped on you between being changed and what happened to you with that hellhole of a pack, and now all of this.”

His voice grew harsher, and it looked like he was digging his fingers into his upper arms. “I’m not going to force anything on you, Ren. I’d like to be friends. Especially if you’re staying with us. We can talk to each other. Get to know each other. See if anything more develops. If so, great. If not, okay. As far as the pain goes, I think if we’re around each other, we’ll be okay even if we don’t declare or claim, so I’m not worried. I hope you won’t be either. Friends. Does that sound all right?”

Friends. I hadn’t had those in a long time. My friends from childhood and my teen years had drifted away or left explosively, depending on their prejudices, when they realized I was trans. I’d made other “friends” who demanded things in exchange for offering me food or shelter, and I’d given in because what choice did I have? Drifting from couch to street to homeless shelter, options were limited, and friendship wasn’t much of a thing.

I could use a friend. And in spite of the awkwardness of being around Xavier, I also still had that heavy-blanket sensation from his presence. Comforting. Protective.

“Friends,” I said. “Yes, please.”

“Friends.” He rested his hand, palm up, on the table.

How would it feel to touch him? Would I have that jolt again? Did I dare to find out?

My wolf apparently thought it was a good idea, because my human brain hadn’t figured out the answers to those questions yet when I rested my hand on Xavier’s. No jolt this time, but that current hummed between us. Mine.

Yes. My friend.

The voice didn’t respond. Apparently “friend” was acceptable.

The Anax walked in, and Xavier immediately went over to the counter, where the coffeemaker seemed to have finished its job. “Breakfast is nearly here, Anax. To conserve food for the gathering, I asked Davion to go into town to pick up some breakfast sandwiches and coffees. I know you prefer coffee-shop coffee to what we make here, but I’m making some as well to ensure there’s enough. I hope I didn’t overstep.”

“Not at all. I appreciate you taking care of that.” The Anax went closer to Xavier. “You mentioned coffee?”

Xavier laughed slightly. “Yes, Anax. One cup for each of us, and then we’ll have what’s in the pot. That’s just about ready if you’d like a cup now.”