Page 12 of Virtually Guarded

“I’ll wait for the town coffee to arrive.” The Anax sounded amused. “Thank you, Xavier. You can sit back down if you want.”

“I’m going to go check the inner perimeter first, Anax.” He smiled at me. My face got warm again, along with a few other parts of my body that were apparently misinterpreting the “friend” thing. “I’ll be back shortly.”

“All right,” the Anax said.

Xavier headed out the back door. I wished I could have gone with him, to stay close to him, especially when the Anax took the chair Xavier had been in. “How did you sleep? And before you answer, I’d still prefer you to use my name instead of my title.”

“Okay, Tobias.” Feeling my face get even hotter, I quickly looked down at the table.

The Anax didn’t say anything else for a few seconds, then asked again, “How did you sleep? I know it can be difficult in an unfamiliar place.”

“Yeah. It’s a lot quieter here than I’m used to.” I scoffed. “Honestly, anywhere would be quieter than I’m used to. You ever been in a shelter?”

“No.”

“It’s never quiet. Overnight shelters, you’re supposed to be able to sleep, but you have to sleep with one eye open or you’ll wake up with your stuff gone. Or worse.” Remembering some of the “worse,” I shuddered. “And if you’re trans, sometimes they won’t even let you in, and you have to sleep outside or something because otherwise, they have to figure out whether to bunk you with your assigned sex or your gender, and shelter workers don’t always have the time—or the brain power, some of them—to handle that.”

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere.

I touched my upper lip with my tongue. “Thank you. Sorry for venting. I just… It’s been a long time since I’ve had anywhere to be or anyone to talk to.”

“We’re going to change that.” He studied me. Carefully, I kept myself from showing any reaction this time. I was going to have to get used to the Anax looking at me like that, I guessed. “If you want, I can introduce you to someone you can talk to. Suzannah Daigle is the healer of Boston North Pack and the mate of that pack’s Alpha. I’ve known her for decades. She’s helped me through a lot of hell. If you’d rather work with a guy, Carlos Garza, the City Pack Beta, is a licensed social worker and does some counseling for members of both Boston packs, and for me sometimes.”

“I…wow.” I literally didn’t know what to think, but it sounded like an invitation to stick around. He’d already said I could stay, but telling me I could talk to someone in Boston implied that he assumed I would stay. Which made me happy, but also ticked me off a little. I didn’t like people assuming things about me. “I don’t know. I can’t…Am I staying? I don’t even know where I belong anymore. I can’t go back to the shelters, right?”

“It would be unwise,” he agreed. “Full moon nights, you have to shift. There’s no way to stop it. And humans in general can’t find out about us. If you tell a human that you’re a werewolf, and you don’t have permission from a higher-ranked wolf, it’s one of our most serious crimes. So at least on full moon nights, you’d have to find someplace to hide from humans, where you’d be able to shift and run. Some of us, leading up to the full moon and/or for a day or so after, have a harder time managing anger, which can be dangerous.”

“So basically I’m fucked.” My eyes widened, and I put both hands over my mouth. I really needed to watch my language in front of him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said gently. “It’s a lot. Bottom line, though, yes. You’re staying if you want to. You belong to my household if you want to. If you’d like to talk about what has happened in your life, before or since you were changed, we can arrange that with someone you’re comfortable with. Everything is up to you, and if you need help making decisions, we can do that. You aren’t alone anymore, Ren, unless you choose to be.”

“I won’t.” Tears filled my eyes, and my voice broke. Trying to hide it, I folded my arms on the table and buried my face in them. A loud sob escaped me, and that led to more even though I tried to hold it all back. Someone cared. Someone was listening, and for the first time I could remember, it was safe for me to let out the pain. “I never chose to be alone. I never had a choice.”

“You do now.”

That made me cry harder, so hard the table shook along with me. I didn’t dare look at the Anax, but I knew he was there. Sitting quietly, holding space for me to spew all of the fear and anger and hurt I’d had to hold in to keep myself alive. He wasn’t as comforting as Xavier, but he was calm. Steady. That helped.

Gradually, I managed to pull myself together. Something thudded softly on the table beside me. “Take your time, Ren,” the Anax said. “I’m right here. Here’s some tissues if you need them.”

“Thanks.” Without lifting my head, I felt around until I found the tissue box. I took out a tissue and dabbed it against my nose.

His chair scraped on the floor as he sat down. Again, he didn’t say anything. After another couple of minutes, I finally got myself back together enough to sit up. I grabbed more tissues and wiped my face, hoping I wasn’t too much of a mess. “Damn it. I’m sorry, Anax. I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”

“Why have you gone back to calling me Anax?” He gave me a small smile. “I won’t pretend to know what you’ve been through, Ren, but just the parts you’ve told me warrant falling apart. You have nothing to apologize for.”

I bowed my head. For a second, I couldn’t speak. The day before, I’d run without direction, without thought, toward power. Power that I’d been told might want to destroy me. Instead, I’d found safety. Sanctuary.

And I’d found Xavier. I was still a little leery of what that meant, but I was glad to call him my friend.

“Thanks, Tobias,” I said when I was able to find words. “Seriously. I didn’t know where I was going when I ran from those guys yesterday. I’m thankful that I ended up here.”

“So am I.”

That brought a fresh burst of tears to my eyes, and I put my head down again. The Anax didn’t say a word. Neither did Xavier, who came back into the kitchen when Davion got back with the food. Everyone gave me space, but I felt all of them, simply there, letting me be.

It was good. Strange. Unexpected. But good.

After that, things got a little chaotic. The Anax’s mate, a guy named Kyle with a completely warped sense of humor, showed up, along with the rest of the guards and some humans who would be responsible for food prep for the gathering the Anax had mentioned. Humans he’d sworn to secrecy about us, from what Xavier told me. They had to have humans to handle cooking and such because on full moon night, all the werewolves would have to shift, but we would still need to eat.