Page 121 of Allegiant

Larry’s words are taking a torch to my anger, burning it to the ground. But it doesn’t matter. The damage has already been done. Even with the flames extinguished, there’s still the smoke and ash to contend with.

And right there in the center of it lie the remnants of my heart. Of what could have been.

“He likes to dance,” I find myself saying.

Larry is quiet for a long moment before giving a clipped nod. “Makes sense. He did like music. His mother, I think. She liked to dance with him. I suspect his father would’ve put a stop to that after she died. He would’ve seen it as feminine. Weak. You can’t be weak when you’re in The Firm. It’s not allowed.”

My eyes squeeze shut, tears forming behind my eyelids. “Enough. Please. I can’t know more. It’s over between us, and it will be between you and me if you don’t stop.”

Larry murmurs under his breath as he considers this, his hand stroking up and down Nugget’s back. But then he says something for me to hear. For me to tuck deep down within me and sit with.

“You didn’t choose this, and neither did he. This was his life before he could even walk. Guess that’s the cruelest part. Knowing that you love someone who is capable of such cruelties.”

“He was never cruel to me,” I can’t help but defend him. He hurt me, but I can’t help myself. “But I can’t forgive him. He was planning to kill me.”

“And so was your friend’s sister, but you forgave her.”

Tears roll down my cheeks unbidden, my knees curling into my chest. “That was different. She was unwell.”

“Doesn’t make it right.”

I hear Nugget yip and Larry murmur something under his breath to him, but my mind has already spun in a different direction. Toward him. Toward Samson. I might have walked away from him in that great big house, but he’s still with me. In my mind. In my heart.

I think he always will be.

And that’s what scares me the most.

When I finally leave Larry’s, I’m exhausted. My eyes are nearly swollen shut from how much I’ve cried, and there’s a pain in my chest that doesn’t seem to ease.

Nugget seems to sense my struggle, behaving as I clip his leash onto his harness. It doesn’t last long, though. Not when we step outside Larry’s door to see I’ve got visitors.

Nugget starts yapping as he charges at Neo and Ansel, tugging me forward impatiently as his chunky rear end waggles with excitement.

I wish I could say I felt the same.

The two of them are seated with their backs to my door. Both of them are blinking away tears as I cautiously approach.

“Hey.” Ansel speaks first. Just that one word has my chest aching more. “We were waiting for you.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” I say, but Neo jumps up, his lips pursed. Nugget, of course, doesn’t think they’re the enemy because he just launches himself at them, lashing kisses over both their faces as they fuss over him.

Traitor. I’m going to give him a stern talking to when I’m alone.

“Missed you,” Ansel says, and that makes something chill inside of me.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before betraying me. Before calling me your friend and then backstabbing me,” I say, my voice cracking as I fold my arms across my chest, the tug of Nugget on the leash making it hard to keep myself in this protective stance. But I manage.

“It wasn’t like that,” Ansel protests.

Neo bobs his head. “It wasn’t. We were in the dark too when we met Cade and Wylder. We had no idea who they were. They take their secret very seriously, so the fact that they let you in to the extent they did…”

“Enough.” I bite out that word, and they both fall silent, their eyes shining slightly as I sniffle and swipe at my own. “Please. Enough. It doesn’t matter. I just need you to leave me alone so I can move on.”

“I think that may be hard,” Neo says. “Samson won’t let go so easily. He’s in love.”

“I don’t care. I never want to see him again.” That’s not true. God, how I wish it were. It’d make all of this easier.

Ansel doesn’t buy it either. “I don’t believe it. I saw you two together.”