Page 144 of The Monster and the Masochist

I was always angry.

If I were being honest with myself, anger was my natural state.

It was safe.

Anger didn’t hurt me.

Anger protected me.

But what I was feeling now wasn’t anger.

It was so far beyond that.

This feeling wasn’t hot or explosive.

It was cold… lethal… quiet.

It was pure, unadulterated fury.

My monster was deathly still in my chest, and I was barely breathing as the woman I was pretty sure I was falling in love with told me that she’d been repeatedly raped by a pedophile as a child.

My heart rate slowed down, and my mind zoned in on Theodora’s face.

Every microexpression was cataloged. Every flutter of her eyelashes, each twitch of her fingers… I documented it all as my entire world shifted in what I knew was a very permanent way.

She closed her eyes and swallowed so hard I heard it. I curled my fingers into her back through her t-shirt, making sure to dig my nails deep into her flesh as I did so. She gasped, and her eyes flew open as the pain brought her back to me.

That’s it, baby. Stay here with me.

I’ve got you…

She shook violently in my arms, as if even just saying those words out loud would summon the monster that had hurt her to our condo.

“Who was it?” I asked quietly, but she shook her head.

“I don’t… I don’t want to say. I’m not ready to say who it was yet.”

My monster growled low and deep, but I remained calm.

Brushing a dark lock of hair out of Theo’s eyes, I nodded, pressing a soft kiss against her trembling lips.

“Can you at least tell me if it’s someone I would know from your past? It wasn’t… it wasn’t your father, was it?”

Theo recoiled, her eyes growing so wide in alarm that I was genuinely concerned she might strain something.

“Wh-what? Of course not! My dad would never! He… He’s probably the only reason I’ve survived as long as I have.”

My monster hissed loudly, but I ignored it. Nothing would distract me from Theo’s truth, not even the murderous entity that lived in my chest.

“So he didn’t know about it?” I asked, keeping my tone soft and calm. It wasn’t warm. I didn’t have an ounce of warmth in me at that moment. My entire body was so cold with fury I was nearly numb… but… I was calm.

Scary calm.

I was calm because I knew whoever this man was… He was going to die.

It was just a matter of time.

All I needed to do was collect enough information to find him… Then I would make him beg me for death before I finally tore his rotten soul from his body with my bare fucking hands.