Page 4 of The Monster and the Masochist

Hatred and anger coursed through me as I forced myself to obey.

I turned slowly in a circle before him, trying to tune out the heavy pattern of his breath.

“You’re getting much better at managing the heels,” he said, as if I should be proud of that fact. “Give me a few practice laps.”

Gritting my teeth, I walked from one end of the office to the other before stopping again in the middle.

My ankles didn’t even wobble. The first time he’d made me do this, I’d tripped.

I’d been punished for that.

I didn’t trip anymore.

“Very good, Theodora. See? You’re a lady, and now you look like one, too.”

Forcing back the urge to tell him to go fuck himself, I focused on the snake plant he kept in the corner of his office and waited for his next instruction.

At least when he was ordering me around, he wasn’t touching me.

He stared at me again for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few minutes, then he stood up and came closer.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe.

My scalp tingled as he reached forward and brushed my hair out of my face. It was so disgustingly tender.

I hated it.

“So pretty,” he whispered. “Let’s straighten this out a bit.”

His hands traced down my body until his fingers were toying with the hem of the skirt.

I swallowed as he tugged on the material, his fingers brushing against my bare thighs.

He took his time doing this.

My entire body was humming with fear and revulsion as he gently ran his fingers up and down my legs, just underneath the hem of the skirt.

“So docile… See? If you behaved like this all the time, you would be much happier, Theodora,” he cooed, and he kissed the side of my head. He inhaled, and I crushed my eyes shut harder, pretending I was anywhere else but here.

He always took his time with this part, and it somehow made it worse. I knew where those fingers of his were going to end up, and I always wished he would just get it over with, but I think he liked this part the most.

The anticipation.

How scared I clearly was and how much I was dreading it.

He liked to make me shake.

Finally, after several more sickening strokes, he crossed that final line, and to keep myself from outwardly reacting, I bit my tongue so hard I tasted metal.

Blood pooled in the back of my throat as I felt his hot, disgusting breath on my skin, and I swallowed the rush of bile that flooded my mouth.

“There we go, Theodora. I’m doing this for your own good. If we do this enough times, you’ll learn that this is where you’re meant to be. You need to learn that a woman is meant to lie with a man. It’s the word of God.”

My first instinct was always to try to block it out.

On reflex, I would attempt to burrow deep into my mind and try to remember the trick my dad had taught me to chase away the monsters in my nightmares.

Three good things.