Page 21 of The True-Blue Romance

“Oh, this isn’t a safe space for me any longer. I think it’s time to leave.”

I hold my arm up to block his path out of the truck. He doesn’t look afraid, but he looks like he just stepped in dog shit and wants to flee as fast as he can. “What about his dad?”

“I ran my mouth… Sometimes I do that. I just assumed because you guys are…”

“Are what?”

Benji looks so uncomfortable that I take pity on him and lower my arm a fraction. He takes a few deep breaths, then looks at me like he’s expecting a punch. “Aren’t you guys together?”

“Together?”

“Yeah, together.”

“No… he’s my best friend.”

“Ignore every word that’s come out of my mouth for the past five minutes.”

Benji ducks under my arm and flees out of the front door, toward the office, before I can form another word. He looks over his shoulder and waves, like that absolves him from dropping two atomic bombs on me.

What about Lee’s dad?

And what about us being together?

5

LEE

“What do you mean he doesn’t want to see me?” I ask the exasperated nurse at the front desk.

The nurse keeps her stare blank. “He says he doesn’t know a Lee.”

“He has dementia. Of course he doesn’t know me.”

“We don’t make the patients take visitors,” the nurse says, a little kinder and softer this time. “He’s had a tough few weeks.”

I squeeze my eyes shut tight and nod, fleeing the coolness of the facility before I can say something I’ll regret. I don’t know why I even bothered trying to visit him. I’ve got his house emptied and up for sale; there’s already been a few interested people touring it. It’ll be a matter of time before the trailer is sold and that chapter is closed. At least Grandma left me the farm and house in her will, despite Dad’s constant annoyance over that fact. I’ll never sell the farm for anything. It was one of the only places I ever felt safe growing up. Grandma showed me love when so few others did.

I slam the truck door closed behind me with way more anger than it needed. But sometimes… Sometimes I just want to scream. At least the workday is over, but I’ve been roped into attending movie night for fun. Which sounds fun but also like a lot of work. I like being around people I know, but I struggle in situations where I don’t know people well because I feel like I have to put on a show and perform. But hopefully it goes well. At least I have the rabbit hutch all built for the future rabbit we’ll find for Savannah. She’ll be so happy with the rabbit. Aragorn and Falcor are big now; they can be a little too rough and tumble for Savannah, despite her being more at home in the dirt than in the house.

I return home, take a quick shower, and change into non-work blue jeans and a button-down plaid shirt. My light brown hair doesn’t want to be tamed, so I throw on the baseball cap that’s seen much better days. I’m a little sad Savannah won’t be there, but at least I’ll get to see Joey, if only for a few moments. Everything with him is better from a distance these days. The family dinners, the too-familiar touches—every touch is too much and not enough at the same time.

Last weekend Joey had gently cupped my neck, and I’d all but kissed his wrist in a blatant show of want. I need to put distance between us before this terrible love for him kills me. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with all the love for him I hold inside. Loving someone shouldn’t hurt this much. But it’s all I’ve ever known, so I don’t know what to do to stop loving him. I think loving Joey Rossi was my destiny, but I’ve also got to let it go before watching him have his happily ever after kills me. Last time it almost did me in.

The truck rumbles down the county road toward Clay Road Farms.

I pull into the employee entrance and park, tightening my hands on the steering wheel for a long moment to steady my nerves. Of course, that’s when Beau pops out of the back office and his eyes zero in on me like he’s got a tracker on me. He frowns deeply, swipes off his baseball cap, then meanders toward me with clear intent. Fuck. I’m not in the mood for a talk.

He taps on the window of the truck until I put it down.

“Yellow,” I say with forced chipper.

“So.”

“Nope.”

“You can talk to me about anything,” Beau says, carefully stressing the anything portion of his sentence. But I decided a long time ago I wasn’t going to put him between Joey and me. I never want him to feel like he has to choose. I’d rather die. “Lee, you know we love you.”

“I know that.”