Page 50 of Last Christmas in London

‘How the hell is it not? He’s married, or isn’t he?’ Megan’s rage was like a living thing; she spoke with such venom. I was surprised Josh didn’t run and duck for cover. I certainly wanted to but, with Alfie in my arms, it was hard to get between the two of them.

I shifted him higher on my chest, my heart thudding, torn between stepping in and instinctively staying quiet, as if conflict was something you could survive by keeping your head down.

‘Where’s the crib, Megan?’ I asked, hating how small my voice sounded, how absurd it felt to be worrying about a baby while everything burned around me.

‘I was just trying to distract you,’ Josh looked at me for backup, but this train was a runaway now.

‘Oh, is that what this is? And why would you bring it up now?’ Megan stepped closer. ‘You’re disgusting. You think it’s fine because it’s messy and complicated and whatever excuses you tell yourself.’

Josh paled, blindsided. ‘Megan, stop. You’re being unfair—’

‘Oh, I’m unfair?’ Megan barked a hollow laugh. ‘God forbid someone around here actually has standards!’

Josh opened his mouth, but Megan barrelled on. ‘Do you even know what it’s like to stand at the edge of ruining your life and choose not to?’ She hurled the words at him, her chest heaving. ‘To make the right call even when it feels like you’re drowning?’

Josh looked utterly confused. So did I. I felt everything unravelling around me; this argument had slipped its original shape and become about something else entirely.

‘Megan, maybe we should go for a walk,’ I said softly, realising there was more here than she was letting on – way more. I awkwardly laid Alfie on the sofa, hoping he would soon release my necklace so I could do so without choking myself. ‘I know it’s late, but we could go to the pub for dinner.’

‘No!’ she snapped. ‘You don’t get this, Evie, you don’t even have sex. You’re always too busy for anything and anyone!’ I went still. Not because of what she said – I’ve heard worse – but because she used it like a weapon. Like my life choices disqualified me from understanding desire, or choice, or consequence.

‘Woah.’

‘Megan!’ Josh looked aghast. ‘Really? Low blow.’

‘Oh, you care about defending her schedule but not someone’s marriage.’

My insides tightened as if I was being strangled by a vice. I’d spent years trying to be useful, accommodating to others, always the calm and practical one, but I hadn’t realised how easily that could be mistaken for indifference.

‘That’s not fair,’ I said quietly, steadying my voice. ‘Just because I don’t have sex often – or at all sometimes – doesn’t mean I haven’t made hard choices. I still know what it’s like to want something and say no.’

But Megan wasn’t hearing me. She wasn’t even looking at me – I don’t think she could. She was staring at Josh, trembling with fury.

‘Neither of you get it! And you don’t get to stand there and brag about adultery like it’s nothing. Like there’ll be no wreckage because of it!’ she choked out. ‘There always is.’

Josh shook his head defensively. ‘For God’s sake, Megan. You don’t get to use your imploding marriage as a moral high ground. You’ve clearly made questionable decisions in the past, otherwise this wouldn’t be your pity party we’re attending.’

The shift in him was instant – prey to predator in a blink. It was the same edge I’d seen when he’d told me about Zach, trying to paint infidelity as some complicated, modern relationship instead of what it really was: selfishness dressed up as romance.

‘Josh,’ I tried to be stern, but it was almost impossible while trying to be quiet around a toddler. ‘Megan’s allowed to be in her feelings.’

‘With Megan, everything’s a drama,’ he returned bitterly.

‘Okay, get out!’ Megan thundered, grabbing his coat and shoving it at him as I prised Alfie’s hands from my necklace.

‘What? You’re insane!’ Josh shouted. ‘This isn’t even about me!’

The splash of Megan’s remaining wine over his head made me turn back.

I watched him wiping his eyes rapidly, the red wine dripping from his hairline and staining his collar.

‘You crazy bitch!’

‘Get out!’ Megan thundered again.

‘Bloody hell! Both of you, stop!’ Alfie woke up and began crying loudly.

Both Megan and Josh continued to ignore both of us.