Page 52 of Last Christmas in London

‘I stayed.’ Tears began to stream down her red cheeks. ‘I stayed and I worked at it with Alex; I put him first. And he just walked away and found his happiness elsewhere. He didn’t fight for me.’

She finally looked at me, her face ravaged.

‘You could’ve told me.’

She shook her head, furious now. ‘Told you? When? On one of your quick visits home between flights?’

‘I didn’t know how bad things were,’ I said quietly. ‘You didn’t tell me, not really. We’ve both been holding things back, Megan. Me because I didn’t think it was my place. You because you didn’t want to admit it.’

Megan had no argument, but tears fell freely down her cheeks.

‘I’m here now.’

‘Right. Just in time for New Year’s Eve, before you head off to Canada for that shiny new job,’ she scoffed. ‘You’re always leaving, Evie. You’re not here for me like a sister should be. It’s as if you don’t even try any more.’

The words landed heavier than anything else she’d said that night.

This wasn’t about Josh. Or Alex. This was the unspoken fear that had been trailing me for years, finally given a voice by the person whose voice would cut me the most.

I felt myself recoil; it was so strong I thought I might be sick.

I’d spent so long believing I could be dependable from a distance, that love didn’t require constant presence. Yet hearing it laid out like this made me wonder when that had stopped being true.

Or what I could do about it now, as I was preparing to jet off to the other side of the world.

‘I’m allowed to have a life too.’ My voice was cracking now.

‘Yeah. You are. And I’m allowed to stop expecting you to show up.’

I stood there, the weight of her words sinking in fast and heavy.

‘It’s not that I don’t care,’ I said desperately. ‘I care so much—’

‘You care,’ she repeated hollowly. ‘You just don’t stay.’

The floor felt like it tilted under me. I opened my mouth to defend myself – but nothing came out. Because she was right.

I hadn’t stayed. Not when it really mattered.

The silence between us swelled, thick with everything we weren’t saying.

Megan shifted Alfie on her hip, her eyes glistening but cold.

‘I think you should go as well.’

I stumbled over my words. ‘I’m just trying—’

‘I know.’ She looked away, heading towards her staircase. ‘But it’s too late.’

I nodded once, then walked out, carrying the weight of everything we hadn’t managed to say with me into the cold.

Chapter 16

All the way to the train station I kept replaying Megan’s words over and over in my head.

‘You care, but you don’t stay.’

Was she right? I wanted to argue, to defend myself, to say I had reasons: Pim, work commitments, a life that kept pulling me away. But all the reasons felt paper-thin now, pathetic against the ache in Megan’s voice. She was right, I hadn’t been there the way she needed.