Page 88 of Last Christmas in London

Josh gasped. ‘UK or US version?’

‘Both.’

‘You are forgiven.’

We all laughed, and for the first time in weeks, things felt normal.

But Josh began fidgeting with the edges of his sleeve. Then cleared his throat, louder than necessary.

‘Well, since we’re all being honest… I ended it with Zach.’

There was no dramatic pause, just a flat statement dropped like a stone in the middle of our reunion.

He had to say it. Of course he did. Josh couldn’t resist turning a heartfelt moment into an overshare. It didn’t stop my insides from cringing.

‘Josh… You remember how this went last time you brought this up.’

Megan shook her head. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay.’ She didn’t ask for details, just took his hand. ‘I’m sorry.’

Josh blinked down at their hands as if he didn’t quite believe they were real.

‘I really am too. For being such a—’

‘Josh!’ Megan and I repeated, instantly silencing him.

For a moment, we all stood there in silence, letting the weight of everything settle and slide right off.

‘God, I’ve been so me-me-me,’ Megan said, releasing my hand to wipe under her eyes.

I went to immediately say ‘It’s okay’ but Simon’s words at the ice rink repeated over and over again in my brain; I didn’t need to say it was okay or make her feel better in this moment. It was okay to be frustrated with my friends, and for them to be frustrated with me.

But Josh didn’t have Simon in his life.

‘Yeah, something was going around,’ he said, repeating the ever-often-repeated winter-flu phrase.

‘I hope I didn’t catch it,’ I said, and both shook their heads.

‘Out of all of us, I think you were the least self-centred, and typically this was the year that you had licence to be,’ Megan joked.

‘Thanks?’

‘I only meant that this Christmas we had planned to make it all about you, and instead we made it all about us.’ She pointed between Josh and her.

‘This Christmas hasn’t gone to plan…’ I paused, inhaling slowly. ‘I’m going to be honest, I had really wanted to spend it with my friends, and instead I found myself slightly, as ever, on my own, dealing with other people’s shit and putting everyone else first.’ Both Josh and Megan said nothing but began chewing their lips nervously, glancing between each other again like siblings caught stealing sweets. ‘I don’t want to fight,’ I added quickly, trying to placate their nerves and dull the undercurrent of frustration still inside me. ‘Today is going to go well – it has to — but I don’t want Christmas to be full of tensions and arguments. I just want to enjoy it.’

‘And we’re going to.’ Megan nodded, squeezing my hand warmly. ‘I promise. No more drama. No more fighting.’

‘I swear on my Gucci handbag.’ Josh lifted his bag theatrically and Megan slapped her own hand atop his and then I placed my own.

Josh, never one to handle deep emotions for too long, studied me for a moment and then straightened abruptly. ‘Well, ladies, as much as I’d love to dive deeper into the rich tapestry of our collective trauma, I’ve just spotted a rather exquisite specimen of a man loitering by the lighting rig, and I feel morally obliged to introduce myself.’

Megan rolled her eyes. ‘You are so predictable.’

‘I take that as a compliment,’ he said, smoothing down his emerald suit and adjusting his posture as if he was about to strut down a catwalk. He turned to me. ‘Are you going to be okay?’

‘I’ll be fine.’

Josh studied me for a moment longer, then nodded. ‘Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and see if that man has a boyfriend, or if he just looks that smug naturally.’