Page 33 of Chalk It Up

August

Evie takes a long pause like she’s mustering up whatever’s necessary to say the next part and I hate it. “Before I could even process it, he had come up behind me, snatched my camera out of my hand, and hit me in the head with it.” She’s crying and I’m seeing red. I’ve never been so angry probably in my entire life. Not even when Larissa left. I was so resigned over our failed marriage that it felt like a weight lifted and I could just focus all of my energy on me and Addie. No, this anger is genuinely a rage I’ve never felt.

“He didn’t draw blood then, but it left a huge welt. I was so scared, there were even tiny white spots in my vision. But even more than the fear that something was wrong with my head, was the fear of having to answer the questionnaire at the doctor about how safe I felt in my living situation, so I never went. I’m sorry, August. Should I stop? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” She actually says this while she’s wiping her own nose. Like my feelings are even remotely a factor right now. It’s insane what he’s done to her to the point that in her grief she’s more concerned about someone else.

“You talk as much or as little as you need to. I’m not uncomfortable. And you never have to apologize to me.” I won’t be uncomfortable but I might have to tear up the world to find this guy. I’m angry, but now isn’t the time for that. She nods and continues on.

“After he hit me, I was resolved to leave. I knew I didn’t deserve to live like this. I went to reach for my keys and in the corner of my eye I saw the small steak knife just in time to pull back, but not in time for him to miss my hand.” She unfolds her arms and massages her right hand, almost subconsciously, like she’s trying to rub away the memory. It’s then that I look down and notice she has a scar across the top of her wrist.

“Evie, did he do this to you?” I attempt to keep my tone calm but I’m searing inside. I thought I was angry before but I’m vengeful now. Did this man attempt to maim her?

“I don’t know if he tried to sever the hand entirely, but I think so. He told me that if I don’t have my hand then I can’t take pictures, and without photography I would be nothing but his. That I wouldn’t be able to grab my keys or get out or drive away fast enough with only one hand. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How we had gone from the couple everyone loved to bodily injury so seamlessly. August, there were no flags. I couldn’t have known.” Evie is sobbing with her entire body.

“Baby, I’m so proud of you. There is no amount of lifetimes that would offer me enough time to tell you all of the reasons I’m proud of you. But I need you to understand one very important thing. None of that was your fault. I know I can tell you that until my dying breath and you won’t fully believe it. But I hope that you give me all your days so I can remind you how strong you truly are.” It’s taking a massive amount of effort for me to not cry right now. Whether out of anger, frustration, or sympathy, I couldn’t tell you.

My parents had the most loving marriage and I’ve never envisioned anything less than that. Evangeline has been through more than any man or woman deserves. I can’t fathom how someone treats another person like that.

“You are not responsible for that boy’s actions and didn’t deserve it. I don’t take it lightly how much you confided in me. I don’t know if there’s more or if that’s the gist of it, but you are always welcome to process these thoughts and feelings with me if you don’t feel like doing it alone.” I leave it all there because I don’t want her to feel pressured in either direction. She sets her hands on top of mine while they still cradle either side of her face, and she comfortably nuzzles into my hand like it’s the safest she’s ever felt. That breaks me and elates me all at once.

“I would love that very much. Thank you for being a safe place for me to land.”

“Always, Princess. Can we give this a real try? It doesn’t matter what the town thinks, or your principal. Your burdens are mine to carry, and Addie already loves you. If you want to give us a shot, of course I’m going to run it by Addie. She loves you as her teacher and I’m positive she would love you in this capacity as well, but she deserves the chance to process it as well.”

“I really do. I really want to give this a try. And of course, Addie entirely has veto power. Hopefully she doesn’t use it, but you’re her dad first. Can I ask one thing? I don’t want Addie uncomfortable in class or risk her classmates making fun of her because her dad is dating her teacher, and I’m really nervous about Mrs. Johnston’s threats. Could we play it by ear and maybe wait until the end of the year before letting people know?”

Evie

“I respect that. I’ll do whatever you need me to.” With a closed-lip smile on my face and the crickets chirping around us, August and I take a charged moment to soak each other in. August’s eyes ping pong from my eyes to my lips, and my heart takes off at a full gallop. I lean in the slightest amount and that’s all the permission August needs before his lips meet mine solidly and gently.

He cups my face in his hands like he’s scared I’m going to vanish on the slight breeze that dances around us. But I place my hands on his forearms in confirmation that I’m exactly where I want to be. Everything feels intoxicating, exploratory, and comfortable. How August portrays sincerity in a kiss is something I’ll probably never understand.

In everything August does he’s passionate and confident and this moment is no different. Our hands turn fervently curious and our breaths more frantic until I’m certain the trees around move back to give us more privacy to explore.

We pull apart sooner than I’d like since I’m sure we can’t kiss for all eternity, and rest our foreheads to each others. “Evie, we live in one of the most picturesque towns in America. People flock here from all over for just a glimpse of our mountains that fall back on the most serene lake, but they’re all missing that the most captivating thing in this entire stupid, small town is you.”

August and I spend the entire night rearranging sitting positions on his porch to be most comfortable while we talk about anything and everything. He tells me about how incredible his parents were and how it hurts him that Addie will grow up without knowing them. He recounts what it was like losing his parents at such a weird age.

He was twenty-five and he tells me that he didn’t feel like he had space to grieve like a child. He wasn’t a kid, but he was still their child and they were still his parents. He wasn’t young enough to be coddled and wasn’t elderly enough that it was expected. It was sudden and unfair.

He shares his love for cooking, Addie’s love for baking, how they enjoy swimming and being on the lake together with the dogs, and it all paints the most beautiful picture. I just want to be a little post-it note stick figure on the side of their picture.

I open up to him about my upbringing and how polar opposite it was from him. I do share that I never really wanted to have kids of my own, but once I saw him interacting with Addie it definitely did something to my ovaries. Not to say that August and I will have our own child because I’m perfectly happy with just Addie. Potentially being a step mom for one sweet girl is one more kid than I ever envisioned for myself.

I share with him my love I always had of photography and how Maple gets to be my little model on days where my anxiety feels somehow more manageable.

I tell him the story of why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place, especially as someone who didn’t want kids. I mean, to most people that doesn’t make sense. Why take care of everyone else’s kids and not my own, but it made sense to me. I could hopefully make a difference and also significantly reduce the risk of me causing any kid trauma. Felt like the best of both worlds, like a fun aunt.

I told him who all my favorite teachers were growing up. I opened up about my cheese addiction, that hot cocoa is my comfort drink, and I exclusively drink iced coffee and yes, that’s every season. To which he called me a monster.

My head is resting on August’s shoulder by the time the sun starts illuminating the front of his house and I know I need to head home.

“Thank you for tonight, August. You’ve settled so much in me and I’ve never really felt more grounded than I do now.” Holding hands we head back to the kennels so I can retrieve Maple who I’m sure had a blast at her impromptu sleepover.

“Please always feel free to share your heart and thoughts with me.” He confides as we head back, hand in hand, to my car, Maple in tow. “I can’t promise that I can always fix whatever’s burdening you, but I can promise you won’t be alone in it.” August places the sweetest kiss to my lips that I hope to feel for eternity, before closing my car door for me. I blow a kiss back through the window and he catches it. Nice to see he’ll meet my energy because I feel my colors coming back.

I pull away hopeful for what’s going to happen next.

chapter 23