Page 32 of Chalk It Up

“You’ve been mine since I fixed your car, Princess. That’s the price you pay for my mechanical skills.”

“Hmmm.” I tap my chin while pretending to even slightly contemplate what he’s just said. “I suppose that’s a fair price. And thank you, about the work thing and waiting. I think we need to tread lightly with my job. I already get this strange feeling that Mrs. Johnston is out for blood. She talked to me about you in the gym.”

“Did she really? What did she say?” He shifts to lean against one of the posts, assuming a more comfortable position. He scoots me closer, as eager as me to fill any gaps. I’m definitely not going to fight him on that, the less gaps between us the better. I want us so close, so interwoven that we become less like two people and more like one moment.

“She said that I should be careful, that information spreads quickly, and I shouldn’t risk my job ‘over a man like that.’” I say the last part in air quotes because it’s so ridiculous I can’t even believe she said it and it makes absolutely no sense. “She honestly sounded really threatening.”

“Are you kidding me? She said that? Evie, that’s not just unprofessional, that’s unethical for her to threaten someone on her staff and create a hostile work environment.” He's sitting up ramrod straight now, and indignation is blazing off of him.

“It’s fine.” I set a placating hand on his bicep. I think secretly I just love feeling his muscles. “Maybe she was just having an off day and didn’t really mean anything by it. But besides her and my job, August, there’s Addie to think about.” He settles back against the post again like this topic doesn’t phase him even a little, and this is the one I'm most concerned about. “Again, I know this is all speculative but I’ve been making sure to look at every angle of our relationship and I don’t want to hurt Addie either.”

August smirks a little and it’s the cutest reprieve in this heavy conversation. “Our relationship? So we're in a relationship, are we? Does that make me your boyfriend?” I shove his arm playfully and can't help but laugh at him.

“Oh hush. Coming from the guy who called me ‘his’ not two minutes ago. Do we need to define the relationship?” I'm just messing with him, of course. But if a title helps him feel secure, I genuinely don’t care if we have one.

“We don't need to define anything as long as you're mine, Princess.”

“Oh I'm definitely yours, Billionaire. Don't you worry.” I say as I toss a wink his way. “But seriously, I’m not trying to make any big assumptions about us, but logically, what if Addie doesn’t even want a step mom? This isn’t even worth starting if the end goal is something that’s going to upset her or make her uncomfortable.”

August chuckles at me a little and shakes his head while holding my hands in security. I think he’s convinced himself that if he lets go, I’ll vanish. I have zero intentions on going anywhere, but I’m happy for him to hold me until the sun rises.

“You know what Addie asked me about before you got here tonight? She asked me why you don’t have a husband.” I reel back a little in a humorous surprise. That is absolutely the last thing I would’ve ever guessed. But I resume my position close to August where I want to be. “I told her you probably just haven’t found your best friend yet.

“Addie and I don’t talk much about mine and Larissa’s relationship, but then Addie asked me if her mommy was my best friend.” My skin tingles for horrible jealous reasons that I don’t even want to think about. Of course they were probably best friends at one point or they never would’ve had Addie. And I wouldn’t want August to have never been with Larissa because Addie is one of the greatest girls I’ve ever met and obviously her mom had to play a part in that.

“I can feel your body burning with jealousy. Don’t worry, I told her that her mom probably wasn’t my best friend. She and I got married because it was the right thing to do, or so I thought. I had messed up, but Addie was never a mistake or unwanted. And you know what Addie said after I told her that? She said she hopes I find my best friend. Little does she know that I’m certain I already did and she’s been her teacher this whole time.” I can’t help the beaming smile that takes over my entire face to hear those words. I shake my head in absolute disbelief that this man is mine.

“Your concern and consideration for Addie’s feelings confirm for me that yes, if you want to be, you are my best friend because you have my daughter’s best interest at heart at all times. And I’m confident it wouldn’t bother Addie one bit if we were each other's best friends.” He promises with a playful smile that I love so much.

“Thank you, August. That relieves so much pressure in my chest.” I say as I rest my head on his shoulder. “I feel like I’ve only been so negative about all of this and you’ve been so positive and hopeful. I’m just trying to be realistic. The panic attack you experienced when I was on my date with Emmett, that’s not something I want you worrying about constantly or having to take care of. My attacks are so sporadic and unpredictable. You already have Adeline to take care of and it’s unfair of me to burden you with something else, and even take attention away from Adeline.”

“Have I told you how my parents died?” That feels unrelated but I’d follow August on any train of thought because I trust him.

“I think I’ve heard that they died together in a car crash, right?” I wince a little even bringing it up. I can’t imagine how that must’ve felt for him even though he was a grown adult. I don’t have that kind of relationship with my parents which is something I grieve, the lack of ever having that security, but I know it’s a different grief than August experiences.

“Please don’t worry, it’s not as hard for me to talk about sometimes. Right now, I’m good. You think your panic attacks and anxiety are a burden to me, that they’re unpredictable and something I’d have to cater to. And really, you’re right.” I put my head down positive that he’s going to see this argument as the deal breaker and I just don’t think I could stomach looking him in the eyes for this blow.

He grabs my chin like he did the night of my date and encourages me to reacquaint with his eyeline. “But grief works very similarly. Grief has no timeline, it strikes without warning, and it doesn’t care where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with when it consumes you.” His hand cups my cheek and he rubs gently along the apple of my cheek.

“I’ve been in a restaurant going about a perfectly normal day, when one of my parent’s favorite songs comes on and then all of a sudden, I’m crying true tears in a burger establishment. Evie, that is a burden you would have to deal with. We’re two very broken and hurting people that are healing together and over time.

“I’m not asking you to come to me flawless, I’m asking you to come to me willing. Willing to carry my burdens, willing to hold me in my grief, and willing to be patient while I learn to be with someone again without fear.” He’s still holding my face like he’s terrified to let go.

August is desperate in the best way. He’s choosing me, and I’ve never been anyone’s choice. “And I promise you that in return. I will carry your burdens, I’ll carry your brokenness, and I’ll hold you while we work through it all.

“You were given horrific mental scars, all of which will never go away to some degree. I have hurts that will never leave either.” He drops his hand to mine, cradling it carefully and staring at me reverently. “But the beautiful thing about being best friends is that helping the other person feels like a privilege, not an obligation.” It's then that August is wiping away tears yet again. He has the most remarkable ability to put all of my anxiety to rest. I wipe and blink away the rest of my tears and look back at August.

“August, can I be honest with you about something else?”

“You never have to ask, Princess. I always want all of your honesty.” I brace myself for the next part I’m going to share. I know August has said he’s all-in, and I genuinely believe him. He’s shown up for me when he doesn’t even remotely have to. But I’m nervous this story might be too much for him.

“I don’t only have mental scars.” I subconsciously pull at my sleeve and he clocks the movement immediately.

“You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable or ready to share.”

“No, I need to. August, there is something so inexplicable about you, that I want you to understand entirely who I am. So, I’m a photographer. Well…was a photographer. I never grew up with any particular talent or gift. I couldn’t really play sports, but one day I took some random photos that a lot of people close to me liked. So I decided to pursue it. I was good and successful at it so of course he supported me. Anything that made me look good in turn made him look good.

“Well one day we got into a fight over who knows what. I was so over it at that point, so I grabbed my camera so I could get out and take some landscapes. Just be in nature and do something that made me feel capable, confident, and like my own person.”