Page 46 of Chalk It Up

August

I’ve been frantically checking my phone all morning. I don’t like to throw my money around often, but the amount I paid for things to be done quickly means I should have something in my inbox by now. I click my phone locked and shove it into my back pocket. I move around my office on autopilot getting my supplies ready for the day. It feels like the first normal work day I’ve had in months, but it’s overshadowed by this cluster of a mess that Larissa and her aunt have created. I still can’t believe she saw us on our date. I knew something felt off, I just can’t piece together how she knew we were leaving.

It’s then that something disgustingly invasive pops into my mind and I deeply hope I’m wrong, but it also sparks a very good solution in my mind to keep Evie’s job and our reputations intact. I finish getting my gear in my SUV when the swoosh of an email notification comes through on my phone.

I get excited at the subject line, but I don’t want to get my hopes up so I quickly scan through the email hoping to see exactly what I want. I breathe a deep sigh of relief, climb into my car, and set my phone on the dash holster. I’m starting to feel a lot more hopeful about everything.

I head down a service road I started on a couple of months ago, realizing there’s still more mapping and scouting that needs to be done in that area. I’m honestly excited to head back to this spot. It’s one of the more beautiful areas I’ve worked in and I’m eager to have the listening ears of the pines again.

I know the trees can’t really hear me, but I think I use them as a pathetic placeholder for my parents, whichever one might be listening at the moment. I don’t think it matters how old you get, going through life situations without a parent there to guide you, or celebrate you, or even just support you really sucks.

I pull off at the beginning of my favorite clearing. We had mapped and harvested this area about a year ago and are scheduled to replant here soon. With my gear on my back and my drone soaring over the clearing, I pour my heart out to the trees. I take all of my hurts and let them blow away on the pine needles. I let my parents know how much I miss them, how incredible Addie is doing in school, her progress in the play, and how healthy my dogs are. I’m biased, but I’d say I have some of the best listeners. It just always hurts that they can’t talk back. I’d love to know how they’re doing. Did they find each other up there? I wish they could tell me how beautiful it is.

Then I tell them about Evie. How I found someone who changed me so irrevocably. They know how angry I’ve been. They know I always tried hard to be the best son, only to have my parents ripped out from under me. They know I wanted to do right and be the best husband, only for my wife to leave us. My only constant, the only thing that hasn’t left in the wake of all of my best intentions, is Addie. Obviously she can’t go anywhere, but she could be emotionally unavailable even at her age, and I’m so thankful she’s not.

Knowing that my parents have seen me at my most bitter, I’m certain they would love Evie for who she’s helped me become. I tell them all about her tender heart, her sweet laugh, her selfless attitude, and even her pain. That even though Evie had been monstrously violated emotionally and unfathomably hurt physically, she never dulled. She took her worst days and made sure they stayed behind her. I let them know she carries scars and struggles, but that she radiates hope. I tell them that she’s exactly who I want to be Addie’s mom.

The pines wave back in agreement and I’m sure that Evie has gained my parents approval.

My work day wasn’t as typical as I expected since I cut it a little short. Addie has her program tonight so I head over to the school to get her instead of Ms. Wilma. Ms. Wilma has also promised that she’ll be at the program to support Addie, and I’m so thankful for the little community I’ve somehow stitched together for Addie despite my terrible personality.

Each inch that the cars move forward in the pick up line ties my stomach up in even more knots. I know Evie is going to be standing outside of her door to call the names of the kids she sees.

My car finally crawls into her line of sight and I see turn her head into her class and mouth my last name for Addie to come out. It will be our last name one day. But one major life event at a time. We need to settle her job and living situation out first.

“Hi, daddy!” Addie slams the door shut much harder than she needs to every time she gets in the car. I’ve given up telling her to chill.

“Hey, bug. How was school today?” I start to turn out of the school property and head back to our house for a quick dinner. Probably some warmed up leftovers.

“It was good. We mostly practiced for the play.” She sounds nothing short of excited and that’s such a relief. She was so upset and apprehensive at the start and she has just made so much improvement. I’m amazed by her every day.

“That’s great! I’m so excited to see it. Ms. Wilma even told me she’s going to come out for it.” We pull off onto our driveway in record time. I’m a little excited to get back to the school and see this play. Both of my girls poured their hearts and souls into this and I want to be front and center cheering them on.

“Oh, I love Ms. Wilma. I’m glad she’s coming.” As easy as that, she leaps from the car and heads over to the dogs to let them out to run and to make sure all their bowls are filled while I head inside to warm up a meal for us really quick.

I anticipated the school parking lot to be crowded so I made sure we left earlier than necessary. It obviously wasn’t early enough and everyone had the same idea because I can’t find an open spot anywhere. I resign myself to parking on the road against the school.

When I get out of my car I check my phone to see if I have any news about some investments or a text from Evie, but my screen is clear. I didn’t expect much from either. The work I needed to accomplish is basically finished on my end, and I’m sure Evie’s been insanely busy getting things all ready for tonight.

Addie and I walk together to the back stage of the auditorium so she can get in her little costume which isn’t much of a change since she’s a narrator. She is just going to be wearing a very bright red and green outfit that looks similar to an elf. I peck a kiss to her cheek, wish her good luck, and head to grab my seat amd one saved next to me for Ms. Wilma.

I have that horrible nagging feeling again, like someone is watching me, just like I did at the axe throwing bar. It must be some kind of survival instinct, because I turn around and immediately spot my predator. Larissa is on the other side of the auditorium and already shooting daggers at me.

She’s probably upset that I didn’t tell her about the program, but since I have full custody of Addie, I’m not obligated to share any information like that with her. Anything I ever do tell her about Addie is out of kindness. I figured she would hear about it anyway because it’s a small town or because of the principal she’s related to.

I shove out thoughts of Larissa and focus on the stage. The curtains will be coming up any minute. Ms. Wilma joins me just in time. “I hope I haven’t missed her.” She huffs. Poor lady sounds like she ran here.

“Not at all, it’s just about to start. Thank you for taking time out of your night to come and watch her. You do way too much for us.” Ms. Wilma has been such a rock for both of us and I don’t take it lightly that she’s here on a night she’s not watching Addie to literally watch Addie.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And something tells me you guys won’t be needing me for much longer. Just trying to squeeze in all the time I can.” That makes me genuinely sad. I know that Evie will do a lot of what Ms. Wilma does. Not out of obligation, but a desire to be fully integrated into our family one day. I hope Ms. Wilma doesn’t think we’re just going to abandon her when the time comes. Evie and I would never willingly leave someone like that. She will be a fixture in our lives as long as she wants to be.

I smile back at Ms. Wilma and she looks back at me with the sweetest smile and pats the top of my hand. No one could ever replace my mom, she was everything you would want a mom to be. But Ms. Wilma has been an incredible pseudo-mom. She is loving, caring, and supportive, and the best adopted grandma for Addie.

We redirect our attention to the stage where the music has started and the curtains pull up. The gym erupts in cheers and clapping, and I’m right along with all of the other friends and family, as I cheer, clap, and whistle for Addie and Evie.

The program is smooth. Evie did an amazing job coordinating everything. The kids outfits, the songs, the narrations, the set. All of it is beautifully executed and I’m so proud of her. The auditorium is overcome with parents waving at their kids and kids waving back.

I spot a couple of kids on stage who are distractedly scanning the area for their parents and the downcast looks on their faces lead me to believe their searches come up short. I wish I could help every one of those kids. I wish adults knew how important it is to show up. I know some circumstances just can’t be changed, but these poor kids have hope. Watching their hope be squashed breaks something inside me.