Page 6 of Chalk It Up

In short, I get to spend my day outside, alone, with technology. Truthfully, the royalties I receive for my patented forestry-specific drone is enough for me to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs, but after Larissa left me, the last thing I want is idle time to think about how incompetent I am as a husband and father. Droning keeps me busy, focused, and alone. Just like I prefer.

Pulling into work, I recall that old adage. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” When does that also become rude, seeing as I tend to err on the quiet side so much that I avoid most people? I jump down from the driver’s side of my SUV and walk through the double doors of our all-glass single story headquarters. I am greeted by two of the happiest people I know, Reid Vance, our accountant, and Thea Torres, our receptionist. By their tan complexions and red hair, you’d easily mistake them for siblings, especially given their upbeat personalities, but they’re absolutely not.

“You’re a little late, boss man.” Reid jests while making a happy beat on Thea’s desk with his hands. He might be the closest thing I have to a friend, but he knows I certainly don’t answer to him or anyone except my younger sister, Alana. She took over the CEO position when our parents died about seven years ago.

“Funny. And how much are you getting done while you distract Thea from her work?” I continue to stride by them not really hoping for a response to my seemingly rhetorical question. But apparently Reid takes my acknowledgment as an invitation to join my walk to my office, anyway, his coffee in hand.

“Well,” Reid continues, “most of us have already been here for an hour or two and are legally promised a fifteen. You, on the other hand, are not. What kept you?”

A sigh deflates my chest while I tilt my head back before responding. Man, I’m in a mood today and honestly, I don’t know why. “I had Parent/Teacher Conferences with Addie’s teacher this morning, so I missed a great time of day to map and shoot. I also had to skip out on picking up my morning coffee.” I respond while simultaneously plucking Reid’s coffee out of his hand and drawing a gulp before throwing it in the trash as we pass by it.

“You owe me tomorrow. Black, with room for cream.” Reid groans. Of course I was already going to replace it, but I need to keep up my bossy appearance and truthfully, that single pull of coffee needs to get me through to lunch. Can’t say much about it helping my nerves, though.

“Have the quarterly statements been published? And has Ash sent in his reports for the app’s earnings this quarter?” With it being October, this all should have been finished last month and should be published this week, but Ash is no stranger to procrastination. In truth, most days I wish Alana would fire him. But Ash does bring a lot to the table in app development and maintenance, even if it’s always at the eleventh hour.

“Done and done, boss man. You know Ash got those reports to me last week after all of our hair turned gray. He may not take things very seriously, but that guy has the brain of Einstein. He’ll get it done.” Reid is loyal to a fault and the level-headed one in every situation, so it doesn’t surprise me to see him come to Ash’s defense. The difference with me, is I would happily–and have–said all these things to Ash’s face. The kid needs to clean it up.

We finally reach my office and I pull open the door hoping Reid will realize it’s time for this conversation to be over. But he slides in behind me before I can close it, wearing that moronic grin he has. He knows he’s driving me up a wall.

“Reid, is there anything else I can help you with? I have a lot of mapping to make up for from this morning and I can already feel your weak, creamer-filled coffee wearing off.”

“August, I love you man but you need to lighten up. I’m good. Let me know if you need help estimating the costs for what you’re able to map this morning.” He finishes abruptly before turning around to head out the door. Man, I kind of brought Reid down a happy peg and that, along with the meeting from this morning, does not sit well with me. Everything feels…heavy today.

I walk over to my equipment cabinet to pull out my backpack, drone, topographic maps, laptop, and extra batteries.

I work my drone through the forest surrounding our town to find prime spots for thinning and harvest. I do my best to make sure our forest stays in optimal health. We work to reduce the risk of fires, and mindfully use timber for wood production. I fully intend on skipping lunch and staying out in the forest just a little bit longer before picking Addie up from her nanny’s house. Between Addie, work, Larissa, and for some reason, Ms. Jake with her chestnut hair and sapphire eyes, there’s a lot on my mind that the trees are going to be stuck hearing about today.

chapter 3

Evie

Needless to say, every parent after August Von felt like a cake walk. I always try to remind myself, “It’s only a bad five minutes, not a bad day,” and while it was actually forty-five seemingly bad minutes, they magically spread themselves out throughout the entire day. I can’t shake the frustration of meeting with August, even though every meeting after was a breeze. He’s so incorrigible, but I simply can’t stop thinking about him–the confident way he commands a room, and strangely enough, his hands. Then you kind of start questioning your sanity.

He also has eyes I want to get entirely lost in. They’re the richest, deepest green color, an absolute forest I want to run through. And when he speaks, you want to listen. He’s so sure of himself and while his tone can sometimes be gruff, you can tell there’s a sincerity behind it. Way far behind it, but still there.

“Heading out for the day, Ms. Jake?” Mrs. Johnston pulls me out of my daydream and I pray she doesn’t notice the flush on my cheeks from being caught thinking about my student’s dad. I mean, obviously I’m heading out. It’s past the time we’re technically paid, and my conferences are over. I’ve given the day my best, so yes, I’m going home to stew about the man who threw off my equilibrium for the entire day. Even knowing all of that, her question always makes me feel so guilty, like I have no right to a life outside of my classroom.

“I am.” I answer cheerfully. “My conferences went great and I left all of my notes in my mailbox in the office earlier today.” Why do I feel the need to justify myself to her?

“Great, well, enjoy your evening.” She responds while heading to the next classroom.

“You too.” I walk as quickly but as casually as possible to my car. The drive to my small cottage on the lake is short and quintessential. Our little town is a perfect postcard and a huge tourist spot in the summer. I pull down my gravel driveway and head for my cozy home, excited to change and relax for the evening.

I lock my car even though I live in probably the safest town in America. I head for my robin’s egg blue front door when I hear tiny little scratches coming from the inside. Peeping my head through the little half window, I see a tiny tail wag waiting for me to open the door. My sweet, dapple dachshund, Maple, greets me with all of the love and licks. As is our ritual, I snatch Maple up in my arms, let her lick kisses all over my face then I lock the door, drop my keys in the bowl, and head to the kitchen.

“Time to put you down, sweet girl.” Maple races to the couch and spins multiple times before settling into her comfy spot. I grab one of my meal prepped containers from the fridge, a pan, and some oil, and warm up my dinner, all the while wondering what gourmet meal Adeline’s dad is making for her tonight. Kicking off my oxfords and setting them back by the door, I pad to my room and quickly change into some sweats and a cropped cotton tank top.

Maple coaxes me to the couch after I’m done with my dinner and I flip restlessly through streaming options. My brain feels fried but my body wants to move. I glance over at my mirrorless camera and for a slight moment, I feel like I might pick it up again. Most of the time, I’m okay taking the occasional professional photo of Maple until I look at the picture on the back and the panic attacks set in. The memory that causes chills, sweaty palms, and the tingly pins all over my hands and arms is enough to snap me out of that consideration and take a deep breath.

Inhale. Count to five. Exhale. You are safe. You are out. I chant to myself. I see a TV, a lamp, and the kitchen. I’m sitting on the couch. Only Maple is in the house with me. This grounding starts to unravel the constrictions wrapped around my chest. I’ve learned to work through my panic attacks and anxiety, but they’re still so mentally draining and I have almost no control over them. Even the thought of them makes my chest feel tight and sometimes I just can’t get that deep breath to pull through. But now I’m exhausted. Off to bed we go even though it’s way too early.

Shutting off the TV and stowing my camera out of sight, Maple joins me on our walk to the bedroom. I go through a full skin care routine and brush my teeth before I pull back the comforter.

Maple takes that as her invitation to jump to her far side of the king bed, above the blankets, while I slide in after. Maple is snoozing away within moments while I’m left staring at the ceiling, attempting to let the entire day dump out of my brain. August was enough to set me on edge, but the panic of picking up my camera was the cherry on top of a restless night.

chapter 4

August