Page 25 of The Jealous Girl

The truth was, the past never really had been left behind. Not for me. And now it seemed not for him either.

I wasn’t sure what that meant for either of us, though.

‘Maybe not,’ Ryan acknowledged. ‘But it doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.’

I turned and studied Ryan’s profile in the softening light.

Truth.

The word gnawed at me.

How much of our relationship had ever really been based on the truth?

Even just being in Malta had been a carefully constructed plan that I manoeuvred him into.

‘I lied.’ My admission surprised me almost as much as it did Ryan.

His head jolted towards me and he stared at me, stunned. ‘About what?’

‘I’d applied for the job here long before I ever mentioned it to you. I only told you once I’d already got it.’

‘Okay…’ Ryan said slowly. ‘That makes sense. You didn’t want to get our hopes up if nothing came of it.’

My gaze dropped to the sand. He was being too kind. Letting me off too easily.

I let out a deep sigh. ‘But, even then, I only told you part of it.’

He arched an eyebrow but said nothing, just waited for me to continue.

‘My contract was for a year,’ I said quietly. ‘Not a month. Not a break between exams and graduation. A plan. My plan.’

I turned away and stared at the sea, unable to bear to see his expression. Was he hurt? Angry? Both?

‘I knew you wouldn’t come if I told you the truth.’ He had too much waiting for him back home. Too many people who mattered. ‘So, I’d dressed it up as an adventure. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It wasn’t as though we’d get the chance to just drop everything and run off to another country for weeks on end once we had jobs and responsibilities.’

‘I remember you saying all that. It surprised me hearing it coming from you. You’d always been so practical. So careful. Hearing you talking about once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, taking risks and seizing the moment, felt different.’ A small smile tugged at his lips. ‘I liked it.’

‘You did?’

‘Yeah.’ His gaze held mine. ‘You were so passionate about the idea.’

My chest tightened. ‘But if I’d told you the truth, if you’d known I wanted to come for a year⁠—’

Ryan chuckled. ‘I’d have probably booked the ticket even faster.’

Two Years Ago – Early June

‘Did you find a flight?’ I couldn’t bear it any longer. I had to know.

The water lapped gently around our ankles as we walked hand in hand along the shore. How many more sunset walks like this did we have left? The two of us; together.

‘I haven’t got round to it yet.’

Haven’t got round to it.

The words repeated. He said it like it didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t everything.

I tried not to sigh. It was typical Ryan. He put everything off for as long as possible: coursework, revision, grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment. It didn’t matter what it was, he always tried to avoid it.