Page 136 of The Truth of Us

So after a few days of this dance, when we finished dinner he told me he could clean up on his own and instead of going to my room, I went to the sitting room that I favoured lit the fire, opened a bottle of wine, and grabbed one of my fathers preferred scotches just in case… I sat perched on the edge of the couch waiting for him to pass. As soon as I heard his footsteps, I cleared my throat, opened my mouth but then closed it when nothing came out and eventually croaked out his name.

Elliot poked his head into the room, and I tried my best to hide my nerves. I gestured to the seat across from me, asking, “Would you like to join me?”

Shock registered on his face first, but then something settled there closer to relief.

He looked me in the eye, gave me a soft smile, and said, “I would love that.”

He moved into the room with me and looked about as nervous as I felt. Like we both realized what this moment could be.

I knew there was something here, something special, but I also didn’t know if I could move past what he did. And this conversation was important.

I poured him a glass, and we sat watching each other, the fire crackling beside us. Finally, after what felt like an eternity. I grew the courage to say, “Tell me.”

I expected him to ask questions, for the charming clever Elliot to show himself. But his eyes trailed over my features, and he nodded, a sad look taking over his face.

He put the wine down, closed his eyes, and spoke.

I expected excuses… I assumed so many things, but my Elliot is full of surprises..

35

ELLIOT

We had been careful around each other since I arrived, and it felt like both a blessing and a curse. Because I didn't want to break the bubble. But I also knew it couldn't last, and it was taking everything in me not to grab her and hold on tight, never letting go.

So when she invited me to sit with her after dinner, my heart skipped a beat. I knew no matter what she said or asked; I needed to be honest. I needed to open myself up to her and give her everything she was asking for because I didn’t think I had another chance.

So when the two words fell from her gorgeous lips, “Tell me.”, I took a deep breath and readied myself for whatever came next.

I put down the wine that I had yet to take a sip from and closed my eyes. I saw the little boy, but I also saw the pain in Harper's eyes that day in the boardroom. Like my conscience was showing me my two futures. With or without her.

So with my eyes closed, I focused on the little boy, that image of him in Harper’s arms, all the love I had felt from that vision, and opened my mouth letting the truth come tumbling out, “I knew you mattered, and I was terrified by how much.” I laughed at myself, but it wasn't a pretty sound. “I was terrified you were going to hurt me. So I chose to hurt you first. Because I thought losing you on my terms would hurt less than losing you on yours.”

I opened my eyes then and found Harper watching me intently. I didn’t see any judgment there, but also didn’t see any warmth. She was listening, and that was honestly the best I could hope for at that moment.

So I kept going, “I somehow thought that even after all of that, what I was doing wouldn't be the end of us but like a reset. That if I, I don’t know…” I was getting frustrated with how fucking stupid I was, I ran my hands through my hair and shifted to the edge of the chair I was sitting on, “... Like I could draw a line in the sand and still keep you, but in some sort of way that felt safe to me. I even drew up a one-year contract for us to be engaged.”

I huffed out an aggravated breath and reached out and took a sip of the wine she had poured me, feeling the weight of her eyes on me. Suddenly I felt too far away from her, like I needed her closeness to get through the rest of this. So I stood and moved to the couch where Harper was sitting and turned my body towards her. I forced myself to keep my hands in my lap, so I wouldn't reach out and drag her to me like an emotional support person.

You hurt her jackass, she shouldn't be offering you comfort.

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the voices, and I felt a small shift on the couch beside me. And then my heart almost jumped out of my chest when I felt one of her hands gently rest on top of mine. My eyes shot open at the contact, but Harper wasn't looking at me; she was looking at the fire, and her hand was on mine. That contact gave me the push to keep going. I focused on her delicate hand resting over mine and told her about the Christmas Party how she was gone and I didn't know why, that I felt she was hiding something from me, how I felt abandoned, and how horrible I felt when I realized why she had gone. I told her about how I saw Julian watching Lucy, and I got so jealous.

Tears were freely falling down my cheeks, but I didn’t dare move my hands; I didn't want to lose that contact with her. I took a deep breath and said, “Suddenly it was you, Harper, it was you and in your arms was a mini us, he had blonde hair and blue eyes and you looked at him with so much love, love I never once saw or felt from my parents and it terrified me.” My voice broke and her face turned, her tear-filled eyes locked on to mine, so I pushed forward, “My parents not loving me broke this little boy's heart…” at that I slipped one hand free and placed it over my heart, “... I was so terrified that if I gave in and we had that life and then you chose to leave me…”

Harper let out a choked gasp but didn't interrupt, I looked deep in her eyes and let her see everything when I said, “I knew that if I let myself fall all the way and we got even a fraction of the life I saw for us and you decided I wasn’t enough… It would break me beyond repair.”

I suddenly felt exhausted, but also lighter. We sat there; the fire crackling was the only sound in the room. Her hand was still on mine, like we were locked in that moment together and neither one of us knew how to move on from it.

Eventually Harper shifted and moved so she was up against me, turned her body and leaned back into me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I forced my arms to move. I placed my wine down beside us and slowly wrapped my arms around her. It felt like both of us let out a sigh at the same time and relaxed into each other. I knew more conversations were needed, and this was just the first step, but fuck did it feel good.

That night bled into a week of slowly taking steps toward each other. Harper set me up with her in the library, saying she preferred that space to her father's office. We made a deal not to look at anything in the media that had to do with either of us, outside of what was directly required for work. We worked side by side.

For that week, we had no more heavy or deep conversations, but we also didn’t hide from each other either. If anything, we gravitated towards each other more, making each other coffee, snacks, drinks… all our meals were together. Like we were learning how to exist together again, becoming friends outside of the instant attraction we had found for each other. Harper never made her way back to the wing I had found her in on that first day, and I wanted to ask more about it, but also wanted her to want to tell me.

We hadn’t initiated any sexual intimacy, but we were walking closer, sitting closer, hands were lingering longer, and I was feeling like a nervous schoolboy working up my courage to kiss the girl.

Friday night, after a long call with Rowan and Caleb, I followed the sound of music and found Harper dancing in the kitchen. She sensed me and turned down the music. I moved towards her and, without thinking, grabbed her glass of wine from her hand and took a sip. Harper smiled at first, but then a look passed over her face that sent panic like lightning right through me. She tried to mask it, but then shook her head, seeming to have a conversation with herself. Then she took a step back from me, wrapped her arms around herself like a protective barrier, and looked me in the eye when she said, “I hate that you were with her. I hate that even though the contract was over, ‌it still feels like you cheated on me.”