Page 137 of The Truth of Us

I took a step towards her, saying, “Harper, I didn’t cheat…”

A look passed over her face, and she scrunched up her nose. It felt like all the work we had done getting closer to each other was disappearing right in front of me, and I realized it was because she assumed I was making excuses or leaning into technicalities. So I put the wine down, stepped into her and grabbed both her arms to keep her from running from me. I dropped my face closer to hers so we were eye to eye, nose to nose. I took in her hurt and pain, so I softened my voice and told her the truth, “Harper, I did not cheat on you because nothing happened with Natalia.” At the mention of her name, Harper's face scrunched up in disgust, and I held back the urge to grin.

Now is not the time, Elliot.

I continued, saying, “I invited her over intending to have sex with her.” Harper tried to pull away, but I knew we had to get through this, so I spun us, pushing her back to the counter. I didn’t want to cage her in, but I needed her to look into my eyes and hear what I was saying.

“Please,” I pleaded.

Harper’s eyes snapped up to mine, a look on her face I could not read. But she was looking at me, so I continued, “No matter the intention, I could not go there with her. She showed up, I drank too much scotch to calm down my racing fucking heart because I thought I was going to be sick. I let people who don’t matter get into my head. I let my fear drive my decisions. But when she got there and moved straight to undoing my pants...”

Harper tried to twist away at that, she twisted in my arms, so that her back was to my front, I held her close to me, my mouth close to her ear, “She tried to undo my pants and I actually did get sick. I pushed her away and barely made it to the kitchen. I paid her to stay until I knew you would show up.”

She tensed in my arms, and I knew I had to keep going. “I fucked up. I hurt you on purpose because I thought it would protect my heart that way. But I was so fucking wrong, Harper, and I honestly have never been more sorry in my life. I couldn't move on from you, and women tried to get my attention on New Year's or at different events. I didn't have a single reaction, and I was seeing you everywhere. Like you were a ‌ghost haunting me. But Harper, my heart and body both knew what my brain was too afraid to see.”

Her body relaxed in my arms, so I knew she was hearing me. Her voice was barely a whisper when she choked out, “You hurt me.”

I relaxed my hold a little and dropped my forehead to her shoulder, saying, “I know, baby, and I am so sorry.”

“You broke my heart, Elliot,” she choked out.

“I broke my heart too.” I whispered into her hair.

She gasped and twisted in my arms. This time I let go and grabbed her, lifting her up to sit on the counter so we could get through this conversation and hopefully move forward with less baggage behind us. I moved my hands to cup her face, tilting it up to me. I spoke the three words I had never said out loud to anyone in my life: “I love you, Harper.”

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. I kissed her nose quickly, testing the waters, then pulled back so she could see my eyes.

I repeated, “I love you. I think I have from that first night. But I let all the poisonous voices in because love at first sight doesn’t exist, we didn't know each other that long, it was just an arrangement. Those were just some things that were floating around in my head, telling me what I was feeling wasn’t real. Then came the voice that told me I wasn’t good enough, you would never choose someone like me, I was unlovable. I didn’t acknowledge what part of me always knew: I loved you, and I hurt you. Because I was stupid and scared and did not know how to handle the feelings that were so new to me. But I know it is the realest thing I have ever felt. So don't shake your head at me, don't tell me I don't love you. Because I may have been late to the knowledge and I am so sorry for everything I did and said… But I fucking love you.”

I was breathing hard after that tirade of emotional acknowledgement. Harper was staring at me with tears streaming down her face, her lower lip trembling. She opened her mouth, froze, then closed it. She seemed to be struggling, so I kissed her forehead and told her it was okay. She didn’t need to say it right now. I pulled back again and looked down at her lips. We were so close, and I felt like I needed to kiss her as much as I needed oxygen. Tired of holding myself back, tired of the games, I said what I was feeling and needed.

“I need to kiss you.”

Harper leaned in closer, but then sat upright, her eyes going wide. I leaned in, chasing her, and she held up a finger to my lips. She bit her bottom lip, which made me groan, and then said, “Oliver kissed me.”

That knowledge caused me to growl around her finger. In our little bubble, I had completely forgotten the glitter freckle-loving good guy.

I moved to pull away, wondering if they were still together, and this time Harper stopped me by wrapping her legs around my waist, saying, “Elliot, stop. It is your turn to listen.”

That had me freezing because she was right. I was just demanding she listen to me, and she was the wronged party in this. Harper kept her finger pressed to my lips while she said, “He asked if I was in love with you and I think maybe part of him had wondered what we could be like together. Our families had always been friends; he and Will were very close. If something could come from us, it would just make sense.”

I growled again, and Harper fucking grinned, her cheeks still tear streaked and she was grinning at my jealously and somehow that gave me hope.

She continued, saying, “But no matter what we added up to on paper, or how comfortable we were together, we didn’t have that spark, and after he saw us together at the foundation event, he kissed me to see if there was even anything worth pursuing. But I honestly believe he did it to prove to me what I felt about you, even though I was hurt.”

Harper dropped her finger from my mouth, and I saw that as a green light. I moved in slowly, giving her time to react, push me away, or say no. But she didn’t move; her eyes were almost timid as I moved closer, my mouth hovering over hers, and like magnets our lips met.

The kiss was soft at first, almost apologetic. Then she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. We kissed until we were both breathless, and I hesitantly pulled away.

I didn't want to stop, but I needed to gauge where we were. I needed to give Harper time to think over everything. And I was glad I did when she looked up at me and said, “We need to take this slow.”

That was most definitely not what I wanted. I wanted to go full steam into the sunset with her, but I knew she was in a vulnerable state.

So I swallowed what I wanted and nodded, asking, “What are you thinking?”

Harper studied me for a moment, seeming to have that conversation with herself that she had when she was nervous or feeling vulnerable.

I reached for our glass of wine, took a small sip and passed it to her. Giving her a minute to work through what she needed to work through.