Page 144 of Winter Gods & Serpents

“Snow, Snow.” Alaric’s arms had rounded me, and I knew then, that home had found me, that I was safe. “I have got you kid. I will always have you. Forgive me, forgive me.”

Strong arms enveloped me, not Alaric’s. Scent of citrus flowers brought warmth of spring, shaking me awake. Kilian cradled me in his chest, swaying us back and forth. I never let anyone touch me in a comforting way. I was taught that I didn’t need it and shouldn’t need it, but I leaned in nonetheless.

I blinked fog of tears away and searched for his features. “Kilian?”

His hand smoothed through my hair, silent reassurance of caress and soft touches. “You are okay. Nia has gone to call Caiden. He will help, he can help. She said he knows what to do. I don’t know what to do.” Desperation climbed his words, worry swept his features.

It warped. Reality warped too, and I could not see him clearly. “Kilian?”

He moved my hair back, searching for my eyes. “Yes?”

Which had been a nightmare? The one I kept revisiting every night or the soothing caress of the man—the man I’d sworn to hate and unleash my revenge upon, the one that hated me, the one who held me tighter than anyone had ever held me before. The longer I stared at his vivid starlight gaze the more his features warped onto the mans that had reached me that night to take my life.

I shook myself free and ran. Sprinting past corridors, past guards, past servants and headed towards the garden, till I stood in front of them; what remained of the ones I had once loved, harder than gods and heavens, harder than I had loved myself. I stared at them, my breath ragged, my chest flaring from the running and the bite of cold wind. My bare feet stung at the sensation of snow, attestation of reality. Be a dream. Be a dream. A moment, and then the other and my prayers had not been heard.

“You are so silent mother, you don’t answer me anymore but,” I swallowed the well of emotion down, “but I still hear your voice. Could you not hold me too? Let me feel your arms around me. Could you have not held me then, couldn’t you have let me come with you? I hate promises, they are made to be broken yet I cannot break yours. You cursed me with life, one I didn’t want and then made me hold tight into it.” A cry coiled between my words. “I hate it here.”

Static changed around me. Air turned dense with a sharp metallic tinge leaking out of memory. A blizzard took off across the lands veiling all sight and skies thundered. As if still dreaming, the place felt so unreal and foreign. I wished upon heavens for all this to have been but a dream, wished so hard and prayed so hard my lids were sore from the pressure. My whole body trembled, but not from the cold, from the hollow feeling that lodged my chest.

“Cakes,” Cai called breathlessly, and I heard three others behind me as well as him.

This was not a dream after all, I hoped at least this part had been. Embarrassment held me still from turning and seeing their faces, who probably would pin me down as a mad woman.

“I made you all promise to not come in here, did I not?” I shouted in anger, half to mask my compromising situation.

“If you had not ran like you saw a dead spirit in the middle of the night, in your nightgown and barefooted at that, out of castle grounds, maybe, just maybe, Princess, we would have not been forced to take such drastic actions as to break a promise made to you,” Kilian’s angry voice broke the static that was forming in the air. His voice had taken a shade of concern as well, he must have thought his pawn had gone rabid when he had seen me. The thought made me cringe in embarrassment.

“He is right, Snow. We thought something was wrong,” Nia spoke, and I finally turned in disbelief at her words. She gave me a knowing look and nodded slightly to confirm what I was thinking, she must have felt me again.

Malik swung his hand in the air, the snow coating, soaking, and prickling my skin dropped away and Kilian removed his jacked throwing it over my shoulders. It smelled sweet like tangerines and sour like lemon flowers, he smelled like spring.

“Don’t run from me like that, ever,” he murmured, only for me to hear.

My heart stammered loudly under my chest; those words brushed softly over me. I didn’t like being ordered but it felt as an order I had to obey. “You reminded me,” I confessed, perhaps too unrestrained. “Reminded me of him.”

He froze, refusing to stare at me.

“Of the man who scarred me that night. I ran from him, not you.”

His fingers halted over the collar of the jacket. “Do I often remind you of him? Lie to me and I will know.”

I swallowed hard and whispered, “Yes…no. Maybe. Though not often, but you should. You’re one of them, I should be aware of you, loathe your very existence, not bear your presence. Truly, I should…but I don’t, not always at least.”

His thumb gently grazed my cheek. “I can work with that.”

There was something wrong with me and the way he was looking at me; there was something wrong with me and the way he shared the same breath as I. We were in the middle of the garden, putting a show in front of everyone so I slid past him and walked to leave.

The two Adriatian brothers halted and stared towards my family’s graves.

“Let us all go now,” Cai ordered, almost sensing their hesitation.

“We want to pay our respect first,” Mal said.

My eyes shot wide, my mouth twisted to a snarl as I grabbed onto Kilian’s arm. How dare they taint their resting places, the people who caused their deaths wanted to pay them respect? If this was not the most sacred place to me I would’ve howled with laughter at their words. “You will do no such thing,” I said, and his calm silver gaze slid over my fiery one.

Nia’s hand rested on my shoulder, “I would like to do the same.” Nia was my sister, she was my family, more than anyone else she knew how I had suffered at the hand of their kind. Why was she doing this, had I allowed her to get too close to these bastards, had she turned on me, did she have this little regard for my feelings?

The static returned, and clouds thundered again. I was truly convinced now this was not a dream, a nightmare and the of worst kind. Betrayal, hurt, disbelief coated all senses.