Page 189 of Winter Gods & Serpents

“According to him our lands are wilting because of our fading belief, we don’t pray to Krig or for Hodr anymore. He believes if we bring it back it could stimulate belief to recuperate.”

I mentally snorted at that explanation. No, I cackled in laughter at it. A manipulator and the manipulated, both in symmetry. Silas was the master of it, still major applaud, he had fooled Elias and probably many more.

“And Solarya, Seraphim, the soldiers in Myrdur?”

“Snowlin—”

“Come now, I am not a fool.”

“I only know of Hanai, I had no idea of Myrdur and only recently I found of Seraphim when that witch returned from there a couple of weeks ago. And it is nothing grave to have missions outside our borders.”

“When did Melanthe come back?”

“About two years ago.”

It struck me, the deal with Adriata, Kilian said he had proposed it two years ago, the soldiers in Myrdur, they too had only showed about seven or eight seasons ago. The buzzing, the calling, the mist broiling in agitation. Zgahna calling to me. Was my father behind all? Had he orchestrated everything with purpose?

“You surely must remember Elias, her hanging, she was dead.”

“Yes, I know, a friend of mine another captain he is of Hecan decent, he believes she was reincarnated from Caligo. Just about a few months before her return a squadron was sent down to Asra, you can only imagine what for.”

“And you didn’t bother to suspect or doubt why he brought a witch from the dead? Why he is hunting a damned relic? Why is your rot stepping on my mother's lands? Why you are an inch away from war with Solarya or why he is scavenging a five-hundred-year dead kingdom? So many premonitions and questions and yet you obeyed, undoubtful.”

“You understand how it feels to be caught between my father and yours. I was like you,” he said before dropping his guards, surrendered. “I still am like you, a pawn and a weapon. Do you think I wish to marry Fren, obey commands I cannot understand? I just chose a side to run away from the other, and believe me either were ideal by any means but now, Snowlin, now I don’t have to tear myself apart for it. My choice granted me no freedom, but it did grant me purpose. I serve your father, Isjord, there is no place for me to doubt.”

“You are right. I forget sometimes, how it feels to be leverage not human. I did not mean to accuse you of anything.”

He took my hands in his. “Tell me you are not planning anything mad, please tell me you are not going to inquire any further than this. I told you to satisfy your curiosity not to send you on a goose chase. If you get harmed by this I will never forgive myself.”

“I came back Elias, you forget. I returned when I could have ran away and he would have never found me.”

Astounded, he let go of me. “Snowlin—”

“I returned to get what belongs to me. Myrdur, Isjord and payback.”

His eyes drew closed at my words. “You don’t know what you are up against. You don’t know how mad those words sounded.”

“And you don’t know me. No one knows me and if you knew, you would think I’m crazed not mad.”

Elias laid back in his bed tired, frustrated and probably regretting having told me this much already. He need not worry, I planned to keep this information more confidential than he had.

“It was never meant with us, was it?” he called half lost from where he was laying. I sensed his desperation, my chest felt a bit heavy, but I knew what I was getting into when I convinced myself to drag him into my plans. Perhaps I was growing a conscience because it felt terribly wrong.

“If that night had not happened twelve years ago, it might have somehow been different, but no, it never felt that it was,” I added with a sigh. “I’ve actually never had a thing for blondes.”

He laughed groggily. “I had fair warning from Thora.”

“What?”

He chuckled to himself, almost in memory. “I came once after the ball when we met, asking for you. She gave me a look, one of resentful judgement. Not with a head like yours, you won’t, she said to me.”

I laid alongside him, giggling myself to tears, woeful tears. “Tell me more.” And he did. For long hours, he could recall more of her than I ever could. How could I have forgotten her?

I saw the shadow of dusk settle in from the large arched windows. I felt the lingering longing for the sight of someone. So I stood to satiate before I’d crave. Hunger once known could become a growing beast to feed.

“Goodbye, Elias,” I whispered to him sleeping beside me. Tired from being milked out of memory by me.

“Goodbye, Snowlin,” he said when I reached the doors.