Page 86 of The Way We Are Now

‘And Sir Hugh himself? Your dad? Still going strong?’

‘No, he died several years ago, but had been in a nursing home for many years before that. He’d been out hunting with the hounds. One young dog, over eager and not quite knowing the ropes, got in the way of the horse. He’d been drinking heavily apparently…’

‘What, the dog had?’

Theo tutted. ‘Dad. He was a fairly heavy drinker as I’m sure you realised. Anyway, he sustained serious head injuries and never left the house after that. A couple of years on, he had a severe stroke and had to go into a nursing home. He was in a bad way, didn’t really seem to know any of us. He died back in 1998. Mum lives in the cottage on the estate she moved into when my wife and I officially took on the running of the place.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘The Dower House? Don’t they call it that when the old retainers are turfed out to make way for the rightful heirs?’

‘Something like that… Anna, it’s us I need to talk about.’

‘Us? Theo, there is no us.’

‘I don’t love my wife. And I know for a fact she doesn’t love me.’

‘Oh, please, not the my wife doesn’t understand me line!’

Theo frowned. ‘Unfortunately, she understands me only too well. She knows I’ve never got over you.’

I stared. ‘You told her?’

‘I told her from the very start. She knows the whole story. I said I wouldn’t ever be able to commit 100 per cent to her.’

‘Well, the poor woman.’ I found myself indignant on Theo’s wife’s behalf. ‘Fancy being told that by the man you want to marry.’

‘I don’t think she ever really wanted me to be honest. Especially with this.’ Theo held up his arm, and I noticed, for the first time, even under the sweater, how wasted it was compared to the other. ‘She’s always liked the idea of being lady of the manor. And then she was pregnant with Angus and so we married.’

‘Right.’

‘Anna, I’m not proud of marrying someone I didn’t love. But there was a child on the way…’

‘It happens.’

‘It does.’

‘So have you been happy?’

‘I’m eternally grateful that I am able to live a more than comfortable life and earn a living when so many in my position could not. And I love my boys. But I can never forgive myself for leaving you. For giving up on you when perhaps we could have worked it out.’

‘We could,’ I said furiously. ‘We would. I’d have made it work. You know I would.’

‘I know that now and I’m so, so sorry. Anna…?’ Theo put down his glass and walked towards me, taking my hand and, lifting me from the chair, pulled me into his arms. ‘Don’t leave me again,’ he breathed. ‘Now that I’ve found you.’

‘But Theo…’ I found myself melding into his neck, into his hair, taking in his unique Theo smell. He smelt just the same as if almost twenty years hadn’t passed. As if we were both young again. And I knew I’d never stopped loving this man. Would love him forever.

Theo lowered his head, forcing me to look at him, asking permission, as his beautiful brown eyes never left my own. His hand was on the small of my back and my whole body cleaved to his, melting into him as he lifted my hair in his other, bending his mouth to my face, to my neck, to my collarbone.

‘Stay, Anna,’ and this time it wasn’t a request to take off my coat. ‘Tell me to stop,’ Theo said, pushing me away slightly and holding my gaze once more. ‘If it’s not what you want… I know you’re with someone.’

But I was shaking my head and Theo’s breath was deepening and his hands were on my back once more, now gently lifting the hem of my sweater, now moving slowly upwards, tantalisingly slowly, drawing lazy arcs as he went.

‘Oh, Jesus, Theo.’

He pulled back once more. ‘You want me to stop?’

I shook my head once more.

And then there was no going back.