Page 17 of Wanted: Rogues and Bards

“But isn’t that to help save on military and public service fees? The main government and small local governments don’t need to keep large watches and guards because of the heroes,” Maxie said. He picked up the spatula and started scooping fluffy scrambled eggs onto the plate.

“That would be true if the heroes weren’t corrupt as hell and more dangerous than most villains,” Rain countered.

Maxie wilted. “Oh.” He placed the plate on the counter near the stove. Even from where Fenric sat at the table, he could see those were the fluffiest damn scrambled eggs he’d seen in his life. He was tempted to give them a taste even though he knew they had to be deadly.

“Villains obviously don’t get a government paycheck for being evil. However, being on the list clears away headaches sometimes and opens up opportunities,” Fenric continued, trying to ignore the sudden rumbling of his stomach.

Maxie blinked wide eyes. “I beg your pardon?”

“Little peon, weak villains will steer clear of you if you’re on the list,” Rain said.

“And opportunities arise when you have a big scheme but can’t do it all yourself. This means you have to hire in more help—like an experienced pirate with a ship or a necromancer,” Malfas explained. He pinched a fluffy chunk of egg between two fingers and held it up to the sunlight pouring through one of the windows, inspecting it.

“Or a powerful warlock and a rogue thief good at sneaking,” Maxie suggested.

“Exactly! If you’re on the list, you’ve proven yourself as a badass and can command a higher cut of the booty at the end of the job.”

And without a thought in his fucking head, Malfas popped the egg into his mouth and chewed happily, looking so proud of himself for giving Maxie such valuable and important information.

“Malfas!” Fenric shouted while Maxie stared in horror.

“What?” The warlock was still clueless.

Rain fell out of his chair laughing. The damn pirate rolled on the floor, knocking into chairs, cackling like a lunatic, while the poor warlock continued to look on, utterly confused. But the realization hit him finally, and all the color drained from his face.

“What did I do?” he gasped.

“Is there a chance it wasn’t poisoned?” Maxie asked in a small voice.

“Nope. It was poisoned.” Malfas’s voice was growing tighter as his hands rose to clutch his stomach. He flashed Maxie a weak smile as he started to curl his body slowly toward the floor. “The eggs were, ungh, delicious though. Best I’ve ever eaten.”

Fenric scoffed. “Probably the last, too.”

“I think I’ll go find Hapi,” Maxie offered, already starting to run for the stairs.

“And tell him to bring some skelebabies. I’m not dragging his corpse into the yard,” Fenric yelled after him.

It took Malfas two days to gather up the courage to enter the kitchen with Maxie again. Fenric was sure it wasn’t so much that he was afraid of Maxie’s poisonous food, but he was afraid of pissing off the necromancer who was getting tired of raising their dumb asses.

This time, Belstrom had supplied a bunch of apples. Maxie suggested making a small batch of fried apples since they hadn’t tested his poison effect on fruit yet. He’d wondered if he could even make a poison apple.

Fenric thought this was nonsense, but he kept his mouth shut. He positioned himself against the counter, mostly to stop Malfas from thoughtlessly popping any food into his mouth while Maxie was present. He was also afraid of Hapi refusing to raise the warlock again if he slipped up.

“I think I’ve gotten the hang of washing clothes,” Maxie said as he carefully peeled the red skin from the apple. “I’m definitely not getting as drenched as I did the first time.”

“I don’t know why you’re so determined to learn when we’ve got the skelebabies here to do the work,” Malfas said.

As if summoned, the clattering of bones echoed through the house as one of the skelebabies descended the stairs with an armful of Hapi’s clothes. The elf had more clothes than any of them, and he changed what he wore constantly. Of course, in the necromancer’s defense, his clothes tended to be frequently splattered with blood, brains, and other smelly fluids.

Fenric opened the back door, letting the skeleton exit to where they kept a large bucket of water and the laundry soap. The thing nodded its head in gratitude as it passed him.

“I guess because I’m not sure I’ll always have one of Hapi’s skeletons available to do my laundry or other normal household tasks. Fenric said you each go off on missions on your own occasionally. Do you take a skeleton along with you for chores?”

“No, we don’t,” Fenric quickly answered. Hapi was pretty free about using his skelebabies for household chores, but mostly because he didn’t want to lift a finger to wash a dish or clean a toilet.

“There are a lot of everyday tasks I’ve never learned how to do properly. I want to be just as self-sufficient as all of you.” With the apple peeled, Maxie began slicing up the fruit into bite-sized pieces. He wore a pair of Fenric’s spare pants and one of his shirt as he waited for his own clothes to dry. They definitely needed to look into getting him another change of clothes. Wearing Fenric’s stuff made him look like a rumpled pile of dirty laundry.

“But I will say that washing clothes is far more difficult than I expected. The stains refuse to come out, and I’m so scared of ripping the fabric,” Maxie said.