Page 12 of Christmas, Actually

The room seemed smaller than it had earlier and she could smell something new. A delicious fruity fragrance – a combination of lemons, oranges and berries which made her think of the trifle from this morning. Was the scent coming from Liam? As if he wasn’t tempting enough. And why was she thinking about him? She was still engaged to Hudson; was still hoping he’d apologise and put things right between them.

‘So, what song are we singing?’ she asked, trying to keep her voice steady as she moved to the other side of the room, putting distance between them. ‘Do you know?’

He smiled, the white pom-pom on his red Santa hat bobbing charmingly as he nodded. ‘It’s called “Christmas is All Around”. You might remember it from that Christmas movie.’ His forehead creased as he clicked his fingers. ‘I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s really famous.’

He bunched his nose, which had the oddest effect on Clara’s pulse, before shaking his head. ‘Nope, my brain isn’t processing properly today. I can tell you the song is fun and the kids love it. The adults in the audience usually join in. It’s got a really catchy tune. I’ve got it on my phone if you want to hear it?’ He looked up and gazed at Clara, making her insides swoop.

‘Yeah, okay, good idea,’ she said, and stood silently as Liam checked his mobile and frowned.

‘Everything okay?’ she asked after a moment of silence.

‘Sure, I just keep getting these weird messages.’ His mouth pinched. ‘I think someone’s messing with me.’

‘Have you tried contacting them?’ Clara asked and Liam nodded.

‘I’ve called back, but no one answers. I don’t want to block them in case it’s a customer and their kid is playing a game. It’s fine, it’s not important. I need to play you this tune.’ He put it on before Clara could say more.

She listened. She hadn’t watched the film for years. Movies weren’t something that Hudson enjoyed, so she’d got out of the habit. ‘What happens about background music when we’re performing?’ Clara had a sudden, horrible vision of them singing a cappella style.

‘Eleanor has a portable sound system. You don’t have to worry. We’ve been doing this for a while and it’s always gone smoothly.’ Liam’s voice gentled. ‘It’s actually really cute. Almost everyone joins in and it’s a good way to kick off our visits. I’ve got a copy of the words if you want me to message them to you now?’ He waved his phone, then switched the song off.

‘Sure.’ Clara nodded and reeled off her mobile number. If she was going to humiliate herself, it wouldn’t be because she couldn’t remember which line came next.

She felt the phone ping in the pocket of her dress and pulled it out. There were two messages. The most recent from an unknown number which she guessed was Liam, the other was from Hudson. She’d somehow missed it in all the excitement of getting the photos done and trying on her dress.

Clara glanced quickly at the text. Was Hudson going to apologise, tell her what had really happened and beg for her forgiveness? Would he be telling her he’d already booked a flight so he could apologise in person?

If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. I’m not in the mood to fight. Especially over something that’s NOT MY FAULT. H

Clara considered the message and fiddled with the phone. Should she text back and do her usual: tell Hudson that everything was fine and she believed him? But as her fingers skipped across the screen, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He was lying to her, refusing to admit something they both knew. Did he honestly expect her to go along with his version of the truth?

Then again, until now, she would have. Something had changed, but she wasn’t sure what or why, and for the first time in her life she wasn’t just going along with what other people wanted. She wasn’t going to quietly accept and agree for a peaceful life. She wanted more.

‘Everything okay?’ Liam asked after a while and Clara realised she’d been silently staring at the screen.

‘Because you look a little pale,’ Liam continued, sounding worried. ‘Is it bad news?’

‘No,’ Clara said. ‘Not exactly.’ Although her engagement could be over. Her whole life in New York might be about to end. She felt sick.

‘Can I get you a glass of water… or some trifle?’ His voice was kind.

Clara cleared her throat. ‘No, thank you,’ she said, clicking out of the message and opening the one from Liam to distract herself. It was hard to get a grip on her feelings, and she felt a tear slide down her cheek. Horrified, she brushed it away, hoping Liam hadn’t seen.

‘What’s happened – is it bad news?’ he asked again, taking a step towards her. ‘I was joking about the trifle. I’m sorry.’ He sounded dismayed. He glanced over his shoulder towards the exit. ‘Shall I get Eleanor? Do you want to sit down?’ The options were delivered in a slightly panicked tone, and Clara didn’t know whether to giggle at the absurdity of the situation or give in to the flood of emotion she could feel bubbling inside. She hadn’t let it out yet – had kept all the hurt contained by escaping from New York. But now it was in danger of spilling out.

‘I’m okay.’ She paused, trying to get herself back under control. ‘It’s stupid really. I’m stupid.’ She hiccupped, too far gone to worry about how silly she looked. ‘I came to Hollythorpe yesterday because I’d just caught my fiancé kissing someone else.’

As Clara explained more tears leaked from her eyes. She swiped at them angrily and watched as Liam frantically searched Eleanor’s desk drawers before triumphantly producing a box of tissues which he shoved in her direction. She took one and wiped her face.

‘That – sucks,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry.’ He sounded like he meant it.

Clara let out a long breath. ‘It does suck,’ she muttered, almost smiling. ‘Thank you. That’s exactly the right word.’ She sniffed, wiping her eyes again. Thank goodness they’d already done the photos because her mascara was probably somewhere around her knees. She should be heading for a bathroom to fix it, but couldn’t bring herself to move.

‘So, that was him apologising?’ Liam asked.

‘Not exactly,’ Clara confided, wondering if she should tell him more. She shook her head, suddenly embarrassed. ‘Look, I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about it and it’s not your problem.’ She inhaled deeply, forcing herself to calm down. ‘I think I needed a good cry and I’m sorry you had to be the one to witness it.’ She pulled a new tissue from the box and rubbed her face. ‘I feel better now, thanks. I might even be ready to sing, which proves how okay I am.’

She’d do just about anything to change the subject, to distract Liam from what she’d just admitted. A man like him wouldn’t understand how it felt to be cheated on. It would never happen to someone as gorgeous as that.