Page 17 of Christmas, Actually

She drank the rest of her glass, relishing the slow slide of warmth that was now enveloping her. Enjoying the intimacy of the moment, of being in the kitchen with Liam. It felt so easy, talking like this. She wasn’t tripping over her words or second-guessing herself. 'There’s not a lot more to tell you – I haven’t decided what I’m going to do,’ she admitted.

‘What if your fiancé doesn’t message you again?’ he asked. ‘Have you thought about what life would be like without him?’ He studied her intensely, as if he were trying to see inside her mind. In a way she wished he could – perhaps then he could tell her what to do.

‘I’ve been trying not to think about it,’ she admitted after a pause.

He nodded slowly. ‘That’s what I did, but life has a funny way of catching up with you.’ His expression was kind. ‘Avoiding it doesn’t work it seems.’ His mouth pressed together and again Clara wondered what Liam was going to do about his ex. She couldn’t ask because it wouldn’t be fair. But it was oddly disconcerting how much she wanted to know.

‘I enjoyed today,’ she said finally because she didn’t want to talk about Hudson anymore, didn’t want to imagine how it would be to leave him, or what her parents would say if she did. And it was clear Liam wasn’t going to talk about his ex either, which meant they’d likely circle back to her. ‘The kids were incredible. I thought I’d hate being the centre of attention, but it was actually fun.’

She smiled and he grinned back, his eyes darkening, making her think of marshmallows and melted chocolate, of how sweet they tasted on her tongue. How would Liam taste if they kissed? Clara pressed her tongue to the inside of her lip imagining, and was a little overwhelmed by the unexpected thought and the intensity of her reaction to it.

‘Do you want some trifle?’ she offered on impulse, her voice a little hoarse. ‘I promise it tastes better than the wine. I made it yesterday.’ She turned and opened the fridge, before drawing the dessert bowl out. When she turned back, Liam was watching her and the expression on his face was one of surprise. But there was something else there too, something she couldn’t read. ‘Want some?’ She held it out, feeling flustered when he just stared at her.

‘You made trifle,’ he said after a long pause, his voice gruff.

She flushed. ‘Well – I like it and I know you do too. I thought…’ She didn’t know what she’d been thinking. She’d been at a loose end, and it had been a way to distract herself from thinking about Hudson. Then she’d found herself thinking about Liam so had decided to keep herself busy.

‘You were right, I do like it,’ he said slowly. ‘I’m sorry, yes, I’d love some.’ He scratched a hand over his eyes. ‘I’m a little off balance.’

‘I’m not surprised.’ She scooped a large portion into a bowl and handed it to him, along with a spoon before putting the larger bowl back into the fridge.

‘Aren’t you going to have any?’

She shook her head, thinking about the diet app, about how upset her mother would be if she didn’t at least try to follow it. Maeve Frost was obsessed with Clara’s weight and sometimes the thought of disappointing her made Clara lose her appetite. Maeve had been checking in daily recently – always about the diet and never about how Clara was doing.

‘I can’t stand and eat trifle and watch you wither away,’ Liam said roughly, scooping some onto his spoon and offering it to her.

‘I’m hardly withering,’ she grumbled as her body heated. But she took the spoon and ate it, savouring the sweet taste as Liam watched, his features tight, like he wanted to say something but didn’t want to at the same time.

The moment was oddly intense and neither of them spoke as she gave him the empty spoon. ‘Thank you,’ she said. Clara’s stomach contracted and she knew it had nothing to do with the trifle.

‘You know,’ Liam said after a few beats. ‘Hudson’s a fool.’

Clara gave him a shy smile. As compliments went, it was mild, but it still made her ribcage tighten and release, as if something important had just been set free. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘Your ex-wife is too.’

He looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Mia, her name’s Mia,’ he said in a low voice. ‘And yes, she is a fool, she gave up—’ He stopped and his eyebrows drew together.

Clara thought Liam was about to say more but then there was a noise in the hallway, a rumbling of feet and suddenly Eleanor burst into the kitchen carrying their coats and holding Figgy’s lead. The dog was clutching the Christmas pudding toy, but he released it so he could bark at Liam, a clear admonishment for abandoning him.

‘I’m sorry.’ Liam dropped to his knees so he could pet Figgy before looking up at Eleanor. ‘I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly too. I saw⁠—’

Her godmother nodded. ‘I know what you saw,’ she said in a low voice.

Clearly everyone knew about Liam’s ex. Clara considered asking Eleanor for more information later, then decided against it. If Liam wanted her to know anything, he’d tell her himself. For now, she’d take him at face value. She’d liked what she’d seen so far – liked the idea of learning about him one layer at a time. Finding the truth out for herself so no one got to colour the information except for her.

‘Mia gave me this.’ Eleanor reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a letter before handing it to Liam. ‘She wants to talk to you. She told me it would explain more – and, apparently, she’s included details for how you can get in touch.’ She frowned. ‘I don’t think she’s planning to gatecrash another Mr and Mrs Christmas event in case you’re worried about that.’

He nodded, taking the envelope and shoving it into the pocket of the Santa suit. Then he rose. ‘Thanks,’ he said brusquely. ‘I’d better get home.’

‘Your coat.’ Eleanor held it out.

‘Thanks again.’ Liam put the half-full bowl of trifle onto the counter and then took his coat before nodding at them both. ‘Bye, I’ll see you on Friday at our next appearance and thanks for…’ He jerked his chin at Clara and gave her a long look before marching out of the kitchen with Figgy, leaving her staring after him, wondering why she suddenly felt so bereft.

11

LIAM

Dear Liam,