Page 24 of Christmas, Actually

‘Okay,’ she said, holding his eyes and feeling her insides melt as the tightness inside her stomach – the feeling she’d had since leaving New York – loosened.

He glanced over her shoulder. ‘I’ll walk you back to Eleanor’s first.’ His phone beeped again and he tensed.

Who was texting him? What was so important? Was it his mystery messenger? Then again, it could be work. Hudson had often been contacted after hours, and it had always made him agitated and distracted.

‘It’s fine,’ she said. ‘You don’t need to walk me. The shop isn’t far; it’s a well-lit street and it’s not very late. There are plenty of people around and I’m used to New York, remember.’ She smiled.

Liam paused as if considering and his mobile buzzed again. Beside his feet Figgy – who Clara had almost forgotten – let out a low whine. ‘Okay,’ Liam said, glancing over Clara’s shoulder and relaxing a little. ‘But please don’t make any detours.’

‘No straying into random cottages, I promise. Not even if they offer me gingerbread cookies.’ She grinned because she was touched by his concern, even if it was unnecessary. ‘I might just stay here and admire the tree for a while longer, though,’ she said and watched him hesitate again before his mobile buzzed and he pulled it out to check it again. Someone clearly wanted his attention very badly. Who?

‘I’m sorry, I have to go,’ he said, sounding distracted. ‘I hope you mean that about the cookies and don’t stop for trifle either.’

Then he gave her a half smile and took off down the pavement in the opposite direction to where Clara was going to walk. She watched him break into a trot, admiring his form, and felt her stomach lurch when Liam glanced over his shoulder to check she was still there.

What had just happened? She’d come to Hollythorpe to sort out her feelings for her fiancé, and now she’d developed stronger ones for someone else. It might just be the effects of the Christmas season – a little festive magic – but somehow Clara suspected it was a lot more than that.

Which meant she was going to have to break things off with Hudson now. She didn’t cheat or lie, and she definitely didn’t kiss strangers in the middle of a high street until her blood was fizzing. Her engagement was definitely over and – Clara realised – the idea of that didn’t hurt as much as she’d expected it to…

Clara paced around her bedroom in Eleanor’s flat and bit into one of the gingerbread cookies her godmother had given her as soon as she’d arrived home. Danny and Eleanor were still hunched in the kitchen talking intensely, so Clara had decided to give them some space. She dialled Hudson’s number as she strode, feeling her stomach turn over. It was the third time she’d called and he should be at work, but he hadn’t answered. Surely he was waiting for her call? He must have caught up with her mother by now, so he’d know Maeve had spoken to her?

He’d be expecting her to capitulate and apologise, and Clara didn’t want to leave him hanging on expecting that. She wanted to get her feelings out in the open to save him any pain.

She finished the biscuit just as her fiancé’s voicemail kicked in.

‘I… um, Hudson.’ She spoke into the phone feeling her whole body flush. ‘I think we need to talk. Look—’ She took in a deep breath. Finishing the relationship on the phone seemed wrong, but after the kiss with Liam, it felt even more wrong not to clue Hudson into how she was feeling. She sucked in a breath. ‘I think it’s obvious to both of us that things aren’t working.’ She winced. ‘I know I saw you kissing Abigail and –’ Pain stabbed her chest. ‘– what I don’t know is how long things have been going on between you.’ She paused. ‘I’m not sure I want to know.’ That was true. ‘But I’d say it’s a red flag that our relationship isn’t as it should be.’

Had it ever been? Clara wasn’t sure she was ready to face that truth. Ready to admit that she’d been hanging onto something that was so clearly wrong for them both. Had she got engaged simply to appease her mother, to prove that she could marry a handsome, successful man? That she was attractive enough, appealing enough to be wanted? She honestly didn’t know.

‘You haven’t called me…’ She gulped because this hurt. She had loved Hudson, believed they were meant to be together and letting that dream go was sad. But she’d never felt fully comfortable with him, had never really wanted to be herself when they were together. And she wasn’t heartbroken either. All she could think about was the Hollys – the way they’d looked at each other, how real love should feel. She gripped the mobile tighter. She had to go through with finishing her relationship and she had to do it before she lost her nerve, even if it made her uncomfortable. Sometimes doing the right thing hurt.

‘And I think it’s time we called it quits,’ she said, feeling relief flood through her. ‘I’m sure you’ll agree. I’m happy to take the blame if that helps?’

She shut her eyes. She could deal with the fallout from her mother. Maeve preferred Hudson anyway.

‘So.’ She gulped. ‘I left the ring behind when I left New York so you can, I don’t know, maybe take it back to the shop, or give it to someone.’ An image of Abigail wearing it flashed into her mind, and she frowned because she wasn’t that evolved. ‘Or actually, don’t do that. So… maybe call me so we can discuss where we go from here. I’ll be back for the twenty-eighth to help with the party.’ She wasn’t going to let him down. ‘I can pick my things up from your flat then and we could end my contract I suppose…’ She sighed. She wasn’t keen on going back to the office; Hudson had others he could employ, but she didn’t want to let him down at a critical time. ‘I’ve got my laptop with me.’ She hadn’t left that behind. ‘And I can work remotely if you need anything before then. I’m sorry, Hudson. I really am…’

She finished the call and stared at her mobile. She’d just walked away from a four-year relationship, tossed her whole life in the air. But she was excited. Because for the first time in years, she was free to decide what she wanted and needed. She just had to work out what that was…

13

CLARA

Clara stood outside the Santa Paws Pet Shop the following day staring into the window. Eleanor had left The Cosy Christmas Shop an hour earlier, promising to meet her here, but there was no sign of her godmother.

She glanced up the high street before turning to face the shop window again. There were copious posters plastered across the outside, inviting people to bring their pets to meet with Mr and Mrs Christmas at two o’clock – in less than half an hour. Clara had no idea what to expect. Both of their appearances so far had been poles apart, but she’d loved every minute. It was so different from her usual life – and a welcome distraction from Hudson, especially since he hadn’t even acknowledged the message she’d left last night.

Although, it had been Liam consuming more of her thoughts as she’d relived their kiss. Remembering how intense it had been and how much she wanted it to happen again. She’d half hoped Liam would come into the shop this morning so they could have their talk, but there had been no sign of him. She knew from Eleanor that he was busy with work so had decided not to read anything into it, but it still bothered her. There was something he wasn’t telling her and that was starting to niggle.

‘Clara,’ Liam shouted and when she spun around, she saw him trotting along the pavement with Figgy. Her pulse rocketed into her throat as she imagined tasting him again, reliving the wild emotions she’d experienced when they’d kissed.

‘Mr Christmas,’ Clara said, her lips curving as he glided to a stop. He looked flustered and handsome – nope, she definitely hadn’t dreamed that face. ‘How are you?’ She felt nervous suddenly.

‘Good. No new crisis since last night. Thanks again for your quick thinking.’ His gaze dropped to her lips and she felt them tingle.

‘Ah, you’re welcome,’ she whispered. ‘It was…’ The least she could have done? The best kiss she’d ever had?

Liam cleared his throat. ‘Any news?’ he asked gently.