Page 27 of Christmas, Actually

‘Daddy!’ he exclaimed, wrapping himself around Liam’s neck as something inside Clara pitched and then froze.

It wasn’t that she cared that Liam had a child – in fact, she could already tell his son adored him, that he was probably a fantastic dad. It was that he’d lied – or at least withheld the truth from her, when she’d thought they’d… Well, she’d obviously got it wrong.

‘I’m sorry,’ Liam mouthed as she stared at him. Was she an idiot, was her mother right?

Had she been naive to expect Liam to be open and only tell her the truth? What else had he not been honest about? Mia, his cheating twin, how his marriage had ended. If it had ended at all?

Feeling the blood drain from her face, Clara turned to face the crowd as the older woman muscled her way to the front and – muttering apologies – pried the child from Liam’s neck.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she gushed, her face a picture of embarrassment. ‘We found Figgy’s toy under your sofa and I thought you’d probably want me to bring it to you. I know how much he’s missed it and what with all these coats and jumpers…’ She glanced around. ‘How about we go and get some chocolate cake?’ she asked the boy gently as he started to sniffle.

‘I want to stay with Dad,’ he moaned, trying to make a break for Liam again.

‘You’ll see him soon, darling. We’ll see you at home. Sorry to disturb,’ the woman said before nodding apologetically at Clara, then she picked the boy up and carried him past the queue as he started to sob.

‘Look, I’m sorry, I need to explain—’ Liam began.

‘So, who do we have here?’ Clara interrupted as the door closed behind Liam’s son and his babysitter, fighting tears as she leaned down to speak to the young girl still clutching the cat.

She could feel Liam’s eyes on the back of her neck, wondered if he was going to try to explain again about the son he hadn’t mentioned. Or would he simply do what Hudson had always done and tell her she’d misunderstood?

Feeling sick, she tried to focus on the young girl. As soon as this was over, she’d drink the glass of Nora’s mulled wine, then take herself to her bedroom so she could eat trifle and lick her wounds.

Was her mother right? Were all men like Hudson? Or did she simply not deserve any better than lies and half-truths. Should Liam have told her he had a son? Had she imagined the connection she’d thought they had? Was she being unreasonable?

All these questions and more swirled around her mind as she tried to concentrate on what the girl was saying. She just had to get through the next hour, then she’d put as much distance between herself and Liam as she could…

14

LIAM

Two weeks until Christmas

Dear Liam,

I’m really surprised that I haven’t heard from you. I’ve given you time – I understand it was probably a shock getting my letter and I can be reasonable, despite what you used to think – but my patience isn’t endless.

If I wasn’t clear before, let me repeat. I want to see my son and I want to see you too. I know I’ve been gone for a while. It was necessary – sometimes people need space. But that doesn’t mean you get to lock me out of your lives for good. It’s only been two and a bit years, Liam. I’m lonely and I miss my family. I’ve included my mobile number and email at the bottom of this letter. Please get in touch.

Mia xxx

P.S. Tell Charlie Mummy will see him soon.

Fine. Tomorrow at eleven in Sugarplum Cakes & Bakes. Don’t be late. Liam

Liam paused at the entrance of The Cosy Christmas Shop and looked inside, holding tight onto Figgy’s lead in case he decided to go in before Liam was ready. He patted the pocket of his coat and wondered again if he was doing the right thing.

It was the first time he’d come to find Clara since the disaster in Nora’s pet shop. He’d wandered past with the dog multiple times hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He’d even written a note with the intention of pushing it under the door. But when he’d tried to write the words, had tried to articulate what an idiot he’d been – and explain – he’d had to give up.

How did you tell someone that you were afraid of connecting with anyone after being hurt so badly? How did you explain that you liked them but that letting them in, telling them too much about your life, felt like too big a risk? He’d tried, he really had, but in the end the explanation had felt cowardly. He’d felt spineless and weak – which had given him cause to think. To consider that perhaps it was time for him to face up to what had happened. He’d set a date to deal with Mia, but he wasn’t ready to talk to Graham. To face that betrayal. He shook his head. Maybe he would be one day, but before that, he had to talk to Clara.

‘Everything okay?’ Eleanor asked as she opened the door, her usual bright smile absent as she stood back and encouraged Liam to enter. ‘I assume you’re here to see Clara?’ she asked, her voice unusually cool.

Liam thought about what was in his pocket. ‘Yes, but I… Actually, I wanted to buy some Christmas decorations first,’ he said, temporarily losing his nerve.

Eleanor gave him a long look. ‘Then I suppose you’re in the right place. But while you’re here, perhaps you’d like to explain why you failed to tell Clara about your son Charlie?’ Her voice was taut. ‘Why – despite knowing that she’d been lied to by her ex, you chose to keep her in the dark?’ She shook her head. ‘It never occurred to me that I should say anything. I simply assumed…’ She cleared her throat. ‘One should never assume.’

Her eyebrows knitted, her expression so astonished, so full of condemnation that he felt wretched. ‘I know you weren’t dating Clara or anything, Liam, but I could see there was something happening between you.’ She blinked. ‘Something I thought you both deserved. She told you about the fiancé, I assume?’