Page 44 of Christmas, Actually

‘Not really.’ Clara blew out a breath. But as her mother had said, coming here was huge for a man like Hudson. She should appreciate it. ‘He brought my engagement ring, told me he’d got a tree in the flat that I could decorate.’

‘A tree,’ Eleanor said flatly.

Clara lifted a shoulder. ‘I’ve not agreed to return to New York.’

Eleanor stared at her.

‘It’s just Mum was saying⁠—’

‘That you should settle, that you can’t find anyone better?’ her godmother asked. ‘What about Liam? I thought you had feelings for him.’

‘I do.’ Clara grimaced. ‘And I care for him but…’ What if his feelings weren’t that strong? What if he was planning on going back to his wife? Would Clara really be enough for him? ‘It’s early days and I’m not looking to just jump from one man to another.’ Even if Liam did seem to understand her so well. She sucked in a breath. ‘What if I end up alone and no one else wants me?’ she whispered. Then her cheeks went up in flames as she realised she’d just described Eleanor’s life. ‘I mean, I didn’t mean…’ she started, horrified.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Eleanor said, her voice low. ‘I’ve got plenty to keep me happy. Friends, this place.’ Her attention darted outside to where Ezra was striding along the high street carrying a large carrier bag advertising a local art material shop. ‘Grumpy neighbours who don’t want me or Christmas anywhere near their bookshop,’ she finished.

‘I’m sure Ezra didn’t mean what he said,’ Clara said. ‘He was angry, that’s all.’

It was like her godmother hadn’t heard. ‘Think he’s bought some sheets of paper so he can make a sign announcing Christmas isn’t welcome in his shop?’ she asked. ‘Or perhaps he’ll be less subtle and ban me and all the toy elves for good?’

‘I’m sure that’s not what he’s planning. I expect he’ll come and apologise to you soon,’ Clara soothed, going to wrap an arm around the older woman’s shoulder. ‘If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot.’

‘Ah well.’ Eleanor swiped a hand over her brow and leaned down so she could start to unpack baubles again. ‘You’ve got no arguments from me on that score. And it’s fine.’ She pulled a face. ‘I’m not going to change for someone or put up with behaviour I don’t deserve.’ Clara took that comment on board. She knew Eleanor hadn’t directed it at her, but it was a good summary of her life. ‘Besides, I’m not interested in Ezra,’ she continued. ‘He’s far too young for me.’ She frowned. ‘Although he appears to have plenty of baggage, regardless.’

Clara chuckled and Eleanor did too.

She paused, her expression kind. ‘The truth is I don’t need a man to make me happy or to make me feel like I’m worth something just because he shows an interest.’ She sighed and gave Clara a pointed look. ‘And neither should you, love. You’re gorgeous, funny, you have a brilliant career. You don’t need anyone, and it’s past time you realised that.’

Eleanor went back to unpacking her box and Clara stared at her for a few moments. Was her godmother right? Was being alone, staying single, the best decision all around? It certainly beat living with someone who didn’t really love you. Who made you feel like you weren’t enough.

Then again, her mind drifted to Liam. What about if you really cared for someone? What if you hoped they might learn to care for you too? She nodded. She had a lot to think about.

20

LIAM

Mia was late. Liam paced around his front room while Charlie bounced up and down on the sofa clutching the plastic dinosaur bauble that Clara had given him. He’d insisted on sleeping with it and on taking it to preschool, which meant it was essentially his new best friend.

‘Where’s Mia Mum? I want to show her my bauble!’ Charlie asked, bouncing again and almost toppling off the cushions before righting himself just in time. Liam thought about telling Charlie to stop, but his son was happy at the moment and could flip to tired and emotional in a heartbeat because it was almost the end of term. Talking to him was like negotiating with a faulty firework – you never knew what might set it off – and telling him not to play on the old sofa was the equivalent of lighting a flamethrower and closing his eyes.

‘I’m not sure. She must be running late,’ Liam soothed, feeling his insides knot as he checked his phone again. He’d sent Mia two texts this morning confirming the time and had left three voice notes when she hadn’t replied. Now he had a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, a sense that something wasn’t right. And it was a sensation he knew well. He’d had exactly the same one two and a half years ago, just before she’d left. His phone dinged and he immediately checked the screen. But the message wasn’t from his ex. It was from a new unknown number.

Merry Christmas. You should have known it would end this way.

‘I want to go to the park!’ Charlie implored as he bounced again, higher this time. ‘Can we go now?’

Liam shook his head, distracted before tapping back.

What do you mean?

‘Dad!’ Charlie shouted and Liam focused on his son. ‘I’m hungry.’

‘I’ve got treats for the park, but we need to wait a few more minutes.’ He cleared his throat as he watched three dots appear in the message box. Charlie grumbled and his attention shot back to his son. He’d baked gingerbread biscuits with him last night and they’d packed a box of them ready for when they were outside. He pondered giving Charlie one now, but letting him eat sugar in an enclosed space would be asking for trouble.

‘If Mia Mum can’t come, can we ask Clara?’ Charlie asked, clearly happy to replace his new parent, which meant he wasn’t too invested in Mia – that was one thing at least.

‘Let’s see what happens,’ Liam said as a new message popped up.

You’ll see.