Page 45 of Christmas, Actually

Liam sighed – there was no use in continuing the exchange. It was clear the mystery messenger was trying to wind him up. He blocked the number and went to look out of the window at his garden, fixing his attention on the snow fluttering to the ground.

As he watched, his mind inevitably drifted away from Mia and the strange messages to Clara. He hadn’t heard from her since he’d dropped her at Eleanor’s shop yesterday afternoon after she’d heard that Hudson was waiting for her there. He’d thought about contacting her a couple of times, had lain awake wondering what had happened between her and her ex. Would she have welcomed him with open arms? Liam felt sick.

He heard the doorbell ring and darted into the hallway so he could open the door, expecting to find Mia. Instead, Jenny stood wearing a pink housecoat and clutching a white envelope. She looked worried.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said before he had a chance to speak. She peered into the hallway as Figgy charged past him and greeted her enthusiastically, his tail flapping as he sniffed her tights.

‘What are you sorry about?’ Liam asked, trying to inject humour into his tone in case small ears were listening. He tugged the dog back inside. ‘Come in.’ He stood aside, watching as the older woman wiped her feet and entered. Jenny glanced over his shoulder.

‘Is Charlie here?’ She nodded when the sound of bouncing and singing started up again. ‘Sounds like he’s occupied. This came for you just now.’ Jenny waved the envelope at him. ‘I think it’s from Mia. I was by the window when I heard it drop on the doormat. When I looked outside, she was getting into a taxi which immediately drove off. She looked like she was in a hurry.’

‘That makes no sense,’ Liam said, confused. ‘Why wouldn’t she just drop it here? We’re going to the park.’

‘Oh, Liam.’ Jenny’s chest heaved and her eyes widened. ‘I imagine she left the letter at mine, so she didn’t have to talk to you.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘It’s times like this I wish we lived in a cartoon world so I could bash her over the head with an anvil or chuck her in one of those muddy puddles Peppa Pig loves so much.’ She sighed as she handed the envelope over and Liam took it from her, holding it between his fingertips as if it might explode.

‘Could be a Christmas card.’ He tried for levity and failed because his insides felt like someone had filled them with concrete blocks. ‘I suppose I’d better read it.’

‘You’re not going to know what she’s said if you don’t,’ Jenny said lightly. ‘Why don’t I pop into the sitting room and see if Charlie wants to do a puzzle?’ she suggested. ‘That way you can read it in peace?’

She slipped off her shoes and sidestepped him, disappearing through the closest door and shutting it. Liam stood and stared at the envelope for a few more minutes. This was typical Mia, he’d been here before and he’d known what was coming when she hadn’t answered his first text. He really shouldn’t be surprised.

‘So get on and read it then, you idiot,’ he grumbled to himself before dropping down onto the bottom step of the staircase. He didn’t want to take the letter anywhere else in his house. Didn’t want to contaminate his bedroom or any of the other rooms with the words he knew were coming. He ripped off the top and pulled out the white sheet of paper.

Dear Liam,

So it turns out you were right. I’m not cut out to be a mother. I realised that when we went to the park. I guess I’m just not made that way. Some people aren’t. You might think I’m selfish, but I’ve finally realised who I am and what I need.

Charlie’s great, though. He reminds me of you and you’re obviously a good dad. He doesn’t need me too. That’s why I know it’s okay for me to put myself first for a change – because I know that’s not something you’d ever do.

I’ve heard from someone, an old friend. Actually, he’s my boyfriend. We had a row, but he wants to make up. I think he might be the person who texted you, the one you talked about in the café. He gets jealous. That’s why we argued, why I moved out. But I’m going back to him. I think it’s for the best.

Perhaps one day, when Charlie’s older, he might want to track me down. I won’t make it difficult for him.

Please let him down gently, though. I’m sure he’ll be upset.

Mia

Liam stared at the letter for a few moments. He’d been expecting something like it from the moment Mia had arrived. Probably should have guessed after the latest contact from his mystery messenger. At least that puzzle was finally solved – he’d been trolled by Mia’s jealous other half. But even knowing that didn’t take away the shock of Charlie’s mother leaving again, or realising his son obviously wasn’t enough to keep her here. She’d put herself first, but when had Mia ever done anything else?

He was angry, though – with himself mostly – because he’d started to believe in her, had begun to have hope that she really cared for their son.

A chill slid down his spine. Thankfully, Mia hadn’t hung around for long, so he suspected the fallout from her leaving wasn’t going to be too bad. But he couldn’t stop himself from imagining how it might be if he allowed Charlie to get close to someone else. How badly he might be hurt if they left.

He balled up the letter and envelope and slid them into his pocket, took a moment to take a calming breath. He could do this – he’d parented Charlie on his own for years. Nothing had changed. Only the ice that had begun to thaw around his heart felt like it was freezing again. But perhaps that was for the best.

‘Finished!’ Charlie yelled as Liam opened the door to find Jenny and his son crouching on the red rug by the fireplace. They’d just completed one of Charlie’s favourite puzzles – a Tyrannosaurus Rex – and his son immediately leapt to his feet. ‘Are we going to the park now?’

‘Sure,’ Liam said. ‘I’m afraid Mia can’t come, after all.’ He waited for Charlie’s reaction, his stomach clenching, anticipating his son’s disappointment, but all he did was shrug.

‘Can Clara come instead?’ Charlie beamed, that beautiful innocent face lighting. ‘She’s nice and she loves biscuits like me AND she helped decorate the Christmas tree. I bet she really loves parks too.’

Liam felt a thump in his chest, a sickness crawling up his throat. He cleared it. ‘I’m sure she does. Doesn’t everyone?’ he asked. ‘But I think she’s busy – we’re appearing at The Mistletoe Magic Shop later today.’ If she hadn’t already left for New York.

Perhaps she was with Hudson, perhaps she wasn’t. All he knew is he wasn’t going to be able to let their relationship progress. He’d known even when they met that it would likely come to this.

He couldn’t risk Charlie being hurt. Couldn’t risk his son getting close to someone who’d leave. But that didn’t stop the ache of longing, the disappointment clinging to his insides.

‘It might be worth asking Clara, at least?’ Jenny suggested, contradicting him for the first time ever. Liam glanced at her, surprised. It wasn’t like his neighbour to interfere. But her face was filled with sympathy, and it was clear she knew exactly what he was doing.