Page 52 of Christmas, Actually

His brother nodded. ‘Of you, of your beautiful wife and new son. Of how your life was so sorted while mine was just stuck. Perhaps –’ He squeezed his lips together. ‘– I wanted that for myself. Wanted to feel just for a moment like I was as sorted as you. We were always so close, so in tune and suddenly I was years behind.’ He pulled a face. ‘I know how it sounds – like a lot of bad excuses and I’m aware nothing can justify that level of betrayal.’ His face blanched. ‘All I do know is after it happened –’ He gulped again. ‘– I felt so guilty, so utterly wretched, I wanted to tell you, to explain, but Mia said you’d be angry and it would be better for both of us if we kept it to ourselves.’

‘Then she told me,’ Liam said. ‘Because she wanted to hurt me.’ And the fact that his brother hadn’t told him first had made it so much worse. It was the lack of honesty that had destroyed him. Made him more unwilling to forgive.

Graham jerked his chin. ‘I think she wanted to hurt us both, perhaps because she wasn’t happy.’ He shrugged. ‘Who knows what she was thinking.’

Liam sucked air between his teeth. It was a horrible story. He’d have preferred something that would justify what had happened, but the unvarnished truth was simply that his brother had made an appalling decision. Betrayed him in the worst possible way and now Liam had to decide if he was going to let go of his anger and allow him back into his life. He knew what Clara would do and for the first time appreciated the power of accepting something that wasn’t perfect. Of learning to forgive. ‘I’d have preferred it if you’d had a good reason to excuse what you did,’ he said.

‘I would have too.’ Graham winced. ‘But I’m not going to lie and say it was anything more than an unforgiveable mistake.’ His voice broke and he looked at his feet before drinking the rest of the tea. ‘I… I should probably go now. I wanted to tell you my side of the story. I wanted to be honest. I’m not expecting anything from you.’ His voice was rough. ‘Just… maybe one day you could consider letting me be a small part of your life. I won’t rush you, though.’

He stood, his eyes shining, and in that moment, Liam knew Clara was right and it was time. Time for him to let go of his resentment. Time to face what had happened and move on before it destroyed him and perhaps in time Charlie too. Hadn’t it already ruined his relationship with Clara?

‘How about you come over for tea tomorrow? You can meet Charlie properly and… maybe we can talk some more.’

Graham’s face lit. ‘I’d love that. Thank you,’ he said. ‘For listening. It can’t have been easy.’

Liam averted his eyes. It hadn’t been easy, but neither had pushing everyone away.

‘I should go,’ Graham said, heading for the hallway.

Liam followed. ‘What did you see when you were walking?’ he asked suddenly. ‘What made you decide you had to talk to me now?’

Graham turned and gave him a half smile. ‘I think to understand you need to take a walk down the high street and see for yourself…’

Liam half ran, half walked as Figgy impatiently tugged at his lead. ‘We’re almost there,’ he said, glancing up the cobbled high street wondering what his brother had been talking about. His steps faltered as he spotted Nora in the distance. She was standing on the pavement outside The Reading Room Bookshop with her jaw hanging wide.

‘Well, I thought I’d seen it all,’ she gasped as he approached, taking her mobile from her pocket and switching her hearing aid on before taking a couple of photos of the shopfront.

‘Seen what?’ Liam asked.

‘That.’ She nodded to the bookshop window where multiple sheets of white paper had been pinned to the inside of the panes – essentially covering all the glass. The pages had been stuck with suckers which were held in place by toy elves-on-the-shelves. Each of the sheets had been written on in black capital letters. Liam slowly read the words and widened his eyes. So that’s what had inspired Graham to seek him out.

‘Do you think Eleanor’s seen it?’ he asked.

The older woman shook her head. ‘She hasn’t left her shop all day. I think I’ll go and get her now. She should read this.’ She stared at him for a beat. ‘I don’t know what happened with Clara yesterday afternoon, but I could see she was upset.’ Her eyes bored into his. ‘I wonder if you should take a leaf out of Ezra’s book.’ She stroked a hand over Figgy’s ears before heading up the high street towards The Cosy Christmas Shop, leaving him staring after, wondering if she was right.

Eleanor emerged from her shop moments later wrapped in a thick red coat. She frowned as she approached, first at Liam and then at the window. ‘What’s all this?’

‘I think Ezra has something to say to you,’ Nora replied.

Eleanor folded her arms. ‘There’s nothing Ebenezer can say that I want to hear.’

‘How about you read that and decide?’ Liam suggested, pointing to the sheets of paper. ‘Because he’s trying to apologise.’

‘He is?’ Eleanor turned back to the window and the tension in her shoulders seemed to melt away. ‘This is…’

TO ELEANOR KRINGLE

I’LL START BY TELLING YOU WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE ALREADY KNOWS.

THAT I’M AN EEJIT. SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN USING ANGER FOR A LONG TIME TO HIDE HOW THEY REALLY FEEL.

PERHAPS I’M A COWARD. I HOPE NOT. AND IF I AM, I’VE REALISED I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYMORE. I HURT YOU AND YOU DON’T DESERVE IT. SO I WANT TO TELL THE TRUTH. FOR ONCE, I WANT TO BE REAL.

TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT. DESPITE YOUR OBSESSION WITH CHRISTMAS AND ALL OF THOSE ANNOYING ELVES YOU INSIST ON SELLING – WHICH, IN TRUTH, ARE FAR MORE PRACTICAL THAN I’D EVER REALISED.

AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS, ACTUALLY.

THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SUCH A SCROOGE.