Page 51 of Christmas, Actually

‘Perhaps we should check in the street?’ Clara suggested just as there was a ding from the entrance and Eleanor weaved through the crowd and suddenly appeared carrying Bugs and guiding Figgy.

‘I found them in my flat!’ she said, shaking her head as Charlie yelled, ‘Figgy!’ and Clara put him down so he could run to the dog.

‘Bugs was sitting under my Christmas tree and the dog was sniffing my best boots. I’ve no idea how they got in,’ Eleanor explained.

‘Magic,’ Doris said as she wandered over to scratch Figgy behind the ears too. ‘We’d better be getting off, there’s a dance at Evergreen House this evening.’ She waved to Ethel and Stan who were putting on their coats. Then her gaze travelled to Clara. ‘Everything okay?’ she whispered.

‘It’s fine,’ Clara said. ‘But I need to go.’ She glanced towards the exit, but even more people were now blocking the path. ‘Joe, can you help me please?’

He gave her a relieved smile. ‘Your wish is my command.’

‘Make me disappear,’ Clara whispered.

23

LIAM

Liam hadn’t slept a wink. He paced around his sitting room and swiped his gritty eyes. He felt terrible. He hadn’t seen or heard from Clara since she’d left The Mistletoe Magic Shop yesterday. He probably shouldn’t have expected to. He knew he’d hurt her and was finding it difficult to shake the feeling that he’d made a mistake. But she was probably already planning her trip back to New York and would be out of his life after the Christmas fayre. His stomach turned over as he imagined Hudson meeting her at the airport, imagined them being together. But it’s what he’d wanted and it had been the right thing to do – even if just the idea of them being a couple turned him inside out. He couldn’t risk his son getting hurt. Clara was wrong – this wasn’t about protecting himself.

He'd had a difficult evening with Charlie, who’d asked for Clara repeatedly. In the end, Liam had encouraged him to snuggle in front of a movie. They’d had hot chocolate and brownies, but that had reminded him of Clara too.

How long was it going to take before he stopped thinking about her? He had to stay busy, had to get back to work and focus on something practical. Jenny had taken Charlie to preschool and the morning stretched ahead of him, which meant he had to get on or he was going to go mad.

The doorbell rang and Liam’s stomach leapt as he imagined Clara on the doorstep. Imagined her telling him he was an idiot before insisting she wasn’t going to leave. He charged across the sitting room and was in the hallway in seconds, but when he opened the door, his stomach sank.

Because it was Graham standing in the porch with his hands shoved into his pockets. ‘Can we talk?’ he asked.

Liam thought about what Clara had said about him holding onto his hurt and for the first time allowed himself to accept that she might have a point. Although it didn’t mean she was right about everything… ‘Okay.’ He stood aside as Figgy barked from the other room.

Graham glanced around as Liam guided him into the sitting room. ‘I’ve not been here in so long,’ his brother said sadly as he took in the furniture and Christmas tree, then the photos on the mantlepiece – none of which included him. ‘Is Charlie here?’ he asked hopefully.

‘No. What do you want to say?’

Graham twisted his hands. ‘I saw something on my walk this morning and it made me realise that life’s short and I need to try harder to apologise. I’m so sorry for what happened, Liam…’ His voice wavered. ‘And I’d really like the chance to explain.’

Liam stared at his brother. He’d missed him. Missed looking into the face that so resembled his own. He tried to hold onto his resentment, all the anger he’d powered himself with. But he didn’t have the energy. Telling Clara to leave had drained him. Imagining a life without her in it was devastating.

‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ he asked abruptly. He needed one. ‘Or do you still prefer coffee?’

‘Tea’s great, thanks,’ Graham said, relaxing a notch. ‘I gave up coffee a while ago.’

Liam nodded. He didn’t share that he had too, but it was unsettling that the two of them were still in sync.

When he returned with the drinks, Figgy had dropped the scrap of material Clara had given him and his head was resting on Graham’s knee. Was his dog’s quiet acceptance of his brother a sign that Liam should move on?

He cleared his throat as he handed Graham a mug. ‘So, you said you wanted to explain?’

Graham shut his eyes for a beat and nodded. ‘Thank you,’ he said as his whole body sagged. ‘I’ve wanted to say this – to apologise to your face – since it happened,’ he said roughly. ‘I want you to know I’m not asking for forgiveness, but I also want you to know how much I’ve missed you. How much I know I’ve lost because of what I did.’

Liam nodded. He’d missed his brother too. It had been so easy to shut everything out. To keep his feelings locked down but then Clara had walked into his life and his heart had opened like a flower waiting for sunshine. Now he wasn’t sure he’d be able to shut it again even if he wanted to. But that didn’t mean he was going to make it easy for his twin. ‘So?’

‘I’m going to have to caveat this by saying I know there’s no excuse, no explanation that’s going to make what I did okay,’ Graham said, stroking a hand over Figgy’s head, making his ears twitch. ‘I’m not going to tell you it was all Mia’s fault. We both knew what we were doing was wrong but—’ He sighed. ‘It was one moment of madness, one horrible mistake. She was unhappy.’ He shook his head. ‘Struggling with motherhood. But you know that.’

Liam nodded. He did know, but hearing it again didn’t explain anything.

‘She came to talk to me, to share her feelings. We had a few drinks and somehow ended up kissing.’ He winced. ‘I don’t know why and I’m not blaming alcohol for what happened either. Liam, it was wrong and I’m never going to forgive myself.’ His voice trembled. ‘I felt… I don’t know… sorry for her.’ He blinked. ‘But I was also flattered – she was beautiful.’ Wings of red spread across his cheeks. ‘I don’t know, maybe if I’m honest, I was a little jealous of you too.’

‘Jealous?’ Liam asked, shocked.