Page 139 of Pucked Around and Found Out

Watching them close the doors.

Watching them drive away with lights and sirens.

And she wasn't breathing.

She wasn't breathing and I couldn't fix it.

“Boss?” Andrade appears in front of me, concern written all over his face. “Boss, you need to get in a vehicle. We'll take you to the hospital⁠—”

“She wasn't breathing,” I say.

“I know. But they're helping her⁠—”

“She wasn't breathing and I couldn't—I couldn't⁠—”

The words won't come. I can't explain how I'm breaking apart. How that moment felt when I couldn't find her pulse. When I thought she was dead.

When I saw her just... sitting there... not moving...

It was worse than Em.

So much worse.

“Xaden,” Carnage is in front of me now, blocking my view of the burning mansion. “We need to move. Get you to the hospital. You need to be there when she wakes up.”

“She wasn't breathing,” I repeat.

“I know,” he says. “But she had a pulse. That means she can come back. She will come back. But you need to get to that hospital.”

I should.

I know I should.

But I can't move.

Can't make my legs work.

All I can see is her sitting there.

Lifeless.

Not breathing.

Gone.

“I can't,” I force out.

“What?” Carnage looks confused.

“I can't—I can't go there. Can't watch her—can't⁠—”

I'm breaking.

Shattering.

All the violence, blood and death I just inflicted means nothing.

All the lips in my pockets are meaningless.