Page 160 of Pucked Around and Found Out

I grit my teeth and tamper my anger. “Take it from someone who lost a fucking sibling, you may not want him now but one day you will. Then you’ll be fucking furious that you wasted so much time being a fucking idiot. Don’t waste the fucking time you have, believe me, you will never have enough of it.”

He looks at me for a long time, I see the anger and betrayal warring in his eyes. I’m not going to hold the fuckers hand and tell bed time stories.

“Accept him or not, I don’t give a shit. The choice is yours but if it was me, I’d give anything to have one more minute with Emery. Just one last fucking chance to say… I love you.” I whisper the last part brokenly.

“Carnage is blowing up my phone,” he says after a minute, changing the subject. “He said Toren's starting to wake up more. Getting more alert and asking for you.”

The words hit like a bucket of cold water.

And I'm here, covered in Fiona's blood. “What time is it?” I ask.

Alex checks. “Almost four in the morning. You've been here for about three and a half hours.”

“Fuck.” I stab a hand through my hair and tug on the strands. Killing is easy, making people suffer is second nature. Being a piece of shit to Toren is what I’m used to. Trying to explain and fix what I broke isn’t easy, it’s not second or third nature, this is uncharted territory. This is crossing into enemy lines and I don’t fucking know how to do it.

I don’t know if I can change. I’ve never wanted to. I’ve never fucking needed to. I am who I am and that’s something I can’t fucking change.

I’m warring within myself, trying to decide what my next move is. I can go back to the mansion and focus on my hatred of her family, force myself to stay away and never go back there. Act like she never fucking existed. She should be grateful I never killed her when I first saw her, that I didn’t remove her lips from her face like I vowed I would.

“Clear out.” Alex’s booming voice pulls me from my thoughts. I lock down my feelings and keep my face blank of all emotions. I have let my men see too much lately. They witnessed me hesitating at the warehouse, losing control where she is concerned. They can never see me weak, a good Don is a strong one. I am fucking strong and I’ll never allow them to see the fucking cracks in my armor.

Cas hobbles closer but Alex shifts his focus to him and says, “Give us a minute.” I see him scowl back at The Butcher.

“Fuck. You. I’m not going anywhere,” Cas hisses.

Alex’s jaw locks. I see the argument resting on the tip of his tongue but he chooses to hold it back. He moves closer and stops two feet away from me. I clock Omen and Halo heading toward us, close to Alex but far enough away to give him a semblance of privacy. His men file out of the warehouse. I watch them wheel Fiona out and it takes everything inside me not to go after her and finish what we started.

When it finally empties and the five of us remain, Alex meets my gaze and I see something flicker in his eyes, almost like recognition, like he’s seeing himself in me.

“You’re not going to the hospital.” It’s not a question, just a fact.

I grit my teeth and fight to keep my composure. The Butcher is better at reading people than I thought, and that pisses me off because I am always the hardest person in the room to read.

“And?”

Alex shrugs. “Don’t let the fear of your past hold you back from seeing what is right there.”

“You don’t fucking know me,” I snap.

“No, but I have been where you are.”

I scoff. “Are we done?”

Alex’s face shifts into a mask of cold fury and I relish the sight, I’m hungering for another outlet. Exhaustion is weighing on me but with the surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins at the prospect of taking on the infamous Butcher, it vanishes.

“I’m going to give you a piece of advice, kid.” I lock my jaw at him calling me a fucking kid. “We can be allies or enemies and believe me, I’m someone you want on your side. I could have wiped you out weeks ago and saved myself the trouble. I could have taken Steven Kellar down with a flick of my wrist and lost no sleep. I allowed you all to have your war and only stepped in when you lost control of it⁠—”

“I didn’t lose shit!”

“I gave you the chance to fix this mess because of him.” He flicks his gaze to Cas briefly, then back to me. “You think you are untouchable, powerful beyond measure and hey, maybe in the little town you grew up in, you are. But I am nationwide, my reach is farther and greater than yours will ever be.”

“Did you want to measure my cock too?” I spit.

His eyes darken, he takes a step forward and I see the other two shift subtly, ready to strike if their master calls for it, but even with a broken leg and riddled with fractures, Cas draws in closer to me, ready to fight if he needs to.

“I became who I am for the same reason you became who you are.”

Anger instantly engulfs me. “You don’t know a fucking thing⁠—”