Page 161 of Pucked Around and Found Out

“Her name was Ellie—Elenor Denver.” I hear Cas suck in a sharp inhale beside me. “She was my beacon, my lighthouse, my fucking home and she was taken from me.” I listen intently to his story, needing to hear it not only for future leverage but because… he may be the only person who knows what the fuck I went through. “You aren’t the only one to find a home, a second chance if you will, between the legs of your enemy's sister.” I stiffen. “Tatum’s brother murdered my sister.”

I jerk in surprise, I didn’t expect that shit to come out of his mouth.

“I kidnapped Tate, locked her up at my home, planned to torture her and make her suffer for the crimes of not only her brother but her father as well. I wanted them all to fucking pay. They destroyed the one thing in this world that held any beauty to me. Ellie was the only person I cared about and she was gone. There was nothing holding me back anymore, so I gave into my beast. I became what everyone expected me to be. My parents—our parents turned their backs on me and blamed me for the death of my sister.”

“What?” Alex ignores Cas as he continues.

“In the absence of courage, fear takes root.” His words land with a force. “I was untouchable. I had the Denver Kings and waged war on anyone who so much as looked at me wrong. I was sent to prison for a crime I didn’t commit. Fiona may have had a hand in that but it was Tate’s father who orchestrated it. My girl had no idea about any of this, didn’t even know who her father or brother were until they found her and tried to use her against me. I hurt my Bambi more than I ever should have, she could have turned her back and ran. She stayed. Even when she nearly died and woke up in hospital alone.”

“We aren’t the same, Butcher,” I grit out.

“We are the same side of the coin, Devlin. Cut from the same cloth. Vengeance is easy, it’s controllable and men like us need to be in control.”

“Your point?” I snap, he’s too close to the truth. I can’t fucking let this asshole see that.

“If you aren’t ready to let go and change who you are and the life that you lead, step the fuck aside because you are blocking her from someone who can truly love her and give her the life she deserves.”

White hot fury erupts inside me. I push forward until we are chest to chest and snarl in his face. “Carnage tries to touch my girl and I’ll slaughter the motherfucker,” I vow.

“I’ll say this once and once only, you lay a single finger on him and the next time you see me create art it will be on you.”

“He touches her again and I’ll bring the wrath of the entire Devlin Cosa Nostra down on all of you.”

Alex takes a step back and eyes me for a moment before he speaks. “Make your choice, I won’t hold Carn back if he goes after her.” Alex turns and heads toward the exit, but pauses halfway with Halo and Omen on either side of him and turns back to face us. He reaches into his pocket and withdraws an envelope then hands it to Halo. I realize then it’s not just one but two letters. Halo brings them to me. I stare at his outstretched hand for a second before grabbing them. He doesn’t release it straightaway.

“Only I get to torture my twin. Fuck around and find out what the Kings are really capable of.” He releases them as I snarl at the son of a bitch.

“Choose what you want. Make the right choice. I’ll be in touch,” Alex says, then stalks out of the warehouse, leaving Cas and I alone.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

XADEN

I didn’t go to her.

I can’t.

Admitting how I feel or even trying to is not something I am capable of. I’m not the guy who does feelings. Who will buy you fucking flowers and cook you dinner. I’m the guy you call when you’re angry and want to kill someone or hide a body.

After we left the warehouse, Ken was prepared to take us to the hospital but I told him to head home. None of them argued. I showered and tried to sleep but after laying there for two hours, I gave up and drove here.

I’m sitting on the sand, watching the waves roll in with the letter Alex gave me in my hand. One was for Cas and one was for me—neither of us have opened them. I have a feeling I know what’s inside. I refuse to open it because if it is what I think it is, then that means I’m in the Butcher’s debt.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and do something I haven’t done in years, I open my camera roll.

The first picture I saw has a lump the size of a fucking baseball forming in my throat. It’s the last picture we took together. All four of us, standing in front of the rink after we won against the Dolphins.

I brush my thumb over her face, the sight of her eyes alight with joy and the smile that could light up the world is like a fucking sledgehammer to my chest. Neave and Miles both have their arms wrapped around her waist and shoulders as I stand behind her.

Both the guys are grinning like idiots. They loved to get me riled up and flirt with my sister just to piss me off. That day I remember it not bothering me because I realized if there was ever anyone in the world that would be good enough and deserving of Emery’s love, it was one of them. They would have shown her a different path, helped guide her away from the Cosa Nostra and put her and her happiness above anything else.

“It should have been me,” I choke out. Guilt crushes me from the inside, I was supposed to be in that car. It was meant to be me. I’m living a life that was never meant to be mine. It was supposed to be theirs. I can’t even look at Maddy without feeling like a worthless piece of shit. She knows her brother's death is my fault but won’t say it.

“I’m sorry…” I feel the backs of my eyes burning and scrunch them closed until the feeling abates. When I open them again, I lock my phone, unable to stare at the picture any longer. I can’t. I push to my feet and strip until I’m just in my boxers. I stalk toward the water without feeling the bite of the cool air, I need the shock to my system the cold water will give me.

I grit my teeth when the water laps at my ankles but don’t stop. I keep going until I’m fully submerged. I stay under the water as long as I can before my lungs begin to burn, then I break the surface and stare out at the ocean’s wide expanse and marvel at how vast it is.

When the hairs on the back of my neck rise, I spin around, prepared to fight, thinking it’s some motherfucker trying to get the jump on me while I’m alone, but the sight on the shoreline has me freezing on the spot.