Page 85 of The Wedding Pact

I have a good idea what I’d like to spend more of my time doing now though.

Hanging out with Ida.

I miss her so much.

Not being able to be around her any more has given me an insight into what it must have been like for my dad to lose the love of his life.

I mean, it’s not the same as someone dying on you, but the loneliness I’m feeling right now, the aching hole in my chest and the dragging sadness… I guess I’m beginning to understand why he needed to fill that empty space beside him.

It’s shit being on your own when you’ve been used to having a constant uplifting, steadying presence beside you. With someone who makes you appreciate what you have right there in front of you.

Ida managed to see past the bullshit I feed everyone and found the real me hiding inside.

And she showed me a glimpse of how much better life is when you let people all the way in.

Because I realise now that I’ve been terrified of loving someone again ever since my mum died in case they leave me too. So, I’ve pushed away anyone who’s even got close to that. And of course, I’ve been using work as my shield.

Of course I have.

* * *

A couple of days later, when I think I’m going a bit crazy from having all these thoughts about Ida and what I’ve lost constantly rotating through my head, I manage to get hold of Kit. It seems even he’s now in a serious relationship – I’ve not heard him sounding so happy and zen for a long time, not since our university days, come to think of it.

Then two days later I hear back from Elliot, who’s also in the midst of some kind of intense love affair, the details of which he’s keeping very close to his chest, in his usual fashion. At least I assume it’s a relationship he’s caught up in. His messages back to me have been brief and rather cryptic.

So both of my best buddies are profoundly distracted by their love lives and I’m out in the cold. Alone.

Not that I don’t deserve to be.

I’ve really fucked up here.

I want Ida back.

I really do.

And I want to make her feel so emotionally secure with me she’ll never want to leave.

That’s what will drive me now. Winning her respect and hopefully her love and adoration. But I’m never going to get that from her if I don’t give up my crazy pace of working.

I want her in my life, but I doubt she’s going to want that unless I commit to giving a relationship with her the time and attention it deserves.

Okay, I’m gonna fix this.

Let the Big Boss Battle commence.

* * *

So, I try contacting Ida, apologising for leaving early and telling her that I did what she suggested and spoke to both Darian and my dad before I left, and that I’ll explain more if she’ll agree to meet me. Then I wait with bated breath to see what her response will be.

But I get crickets.

I wait a couple of days, with my heart lodged firmly in my mouth, then try again.

Again, crickets.

It seems I’m going to need to grovel a damn sight more than this to get her attention.

So I send the following message to her: