Page 56 of Never Let Go

“Well, when you put it like that, it’s more victimless crime. There are repercussions to others, but I’m taking care of that.”

“If you’re taking care of the other people who have been affected, then I think it’s okay not to have earned it. I mean, I’m like you. As I said, I want to be able to claim ownership of my life and what I made of it, but at the same time, when opportunity comes knocking, we can’t be too stubborn to take it.”

He chuckled. “Too many people have told me that I’m being stubborn, so I guess it has to be true. The thing is that I have taken it, though. The opportunity. I’ve taken it and I’m not going to give it back. I’m just having a tough time coming to terms with having taken it.”

“Do you really want my advice?”

“Yep.”

“Then take ownership,” I said easily. “At this point, I don’t feel like it’s about whether you’ve earned it as much as it is about you giving yourself a hard time about it. Just take ownership. You got this thing. You took it. It’s yours. End of story. As long as you didn’t steal it or hurt anyone by taking it, then I don’t see why it should be a problem.”

There was a beat of silence before he started laughing. “Take ownership. I like that. It’s similar to what my brother suggested, but with different reasoning. I think I’m finally starting to get it.”

“Good,” I said. “Can we talk about my thing now?”

“Of course. I didn’t realize you had a thing, or I would’ve said we should start with that.” A door creaked open somewhere and I shot up straight, but it turned out it was just the server bringing our sundaes.

I still didn’t know how the people who worked at all of these places managed serving us in the dark, but I was imagining night vision goggles or something. After hearing the soft clicks of glass and spoons being set out, there were more padded footsteps and then the door closed again.

“No, it’s okay that we started with yours,” I said. “In fact, I wasn’t sure how to talk to you about this before we talked about your thing. Ultimately, though, I suppose it’s just about being honest and making ourselves vulnerable. So here goes.”

He remained quiet, giving me a second to compose myself before I came out with it. “On our next date, we’ll be seeing each other for the first time.”

“Yeah, I’m pumped about it. Aren’t you?”

“Well, I am. I’m really looking forward to finally seeing you, but here’s the thing. I don’t care about what you look like. You could be a bridge troll and I’d still be interested in finding out where this could go, but I’m nervous about what you’re going to think of me. It’s gotten me thinking that I don’t know the first thing about what the girls look like that you usually go for.”

“It didn’t work out with any of the girls I usually go for,” he said frankly. “Can I be honest here?”

“Please.”

“I don’t give a shit what you look like.” I blinked at the force of his words. “I already know enough about you to know that you’re beautiful to me. I also know how much I want you and I don’t see that changing. What is it that’s got you worried?”

“I’m… bigger.” I took a deep breath, and when he didn’t say anything, I decided to just get it over with. “I know I’m pretty, but in a girl-next-door way. I’m not a bombshell and I’m not the girl who turns heads when she walks into the room.”

After keeping quiet for another moment, he let out a big breath. “Last night, I went out with some friends.”

I frowned, a little thrown by the change of subject when I’d just bared my fears to him. “Okay?”

“You’ll understand where I’m going with this in a minute,” he said. “So I’m out with my friends and we’re shooting pool, and this girl comes up and hits on me.”

My stomach tightened. “Tyler, I don’t—”

“No, let me finish, please?” he asked gently. “There’s a reason I’m even telling you about this and it’s not because I’m boasting about being hit on. It’s because the woman who hit on me had a body like you’d find on the cover of a fashion magazine.”

“This isn’t making me feel any better,” I mumbled.

He chuckled. “It will, just bear with me. So this woman leans into me and you know what I thought?”

“What?”

“She’s so hard.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what I thought. That she’s so hard. Having her pressed up to me felt like I was hugging my brother. I already know that you’ve got curves, Amanda, but that’s one of the things that turns me on about you. I like that you’re soft. To me, it’s feminine. It’s sexy.”

A smile spread slowly on my lips. “Really?”