Page 100 of You Know You Wanna

“I miss Birdie,” she said. “I’m happy, Daddy. I’m so happy that I don’t have to leave New York, but I miss her. I miss all of them.”

Pure relief coursed through my veins. “You’re not crying because I have sole custody?”

She frowned, then laughed through the tears and shook her head. “Don’t be silly, Daddy. It’s just been so much and I’ve been so scared, but now that it’s over…”

Trailing off, she rested her head on my shoulder, her body finally not trembling anymore. I stroked my fingers through her hair, mentally checking my schedule for the next few weeks. I was slammed. News of my return had reached too many people and all of them suddenly wanted to see me in person.

Plus, Laurene was auditioning for the youth program in a week. Neither of us could really afford to leave right now, but I missed Birdie too. And Blue Pines. And even that old sourpuss Alan.

We hadn’t had time to say a proper farewell, and it felt unfinished. I understood now what Laurene was feeling because it was the same thing I’d been feeling since I’d signed the custody agreement.

“What do you say we go back?” I asked her. “Just until next week. We’ll be here for your audition, I promise. I won’t let you miss it.”

“I can’t, Daddy,” she said sadly. “I need to be here to practice and I’ve been hearing your phone go off all hours of the day and night. You have work piling up, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do, but I can swing this.” Honestly, I had no idea if I could, but I’d never know if I didn’t try and perhaps getting closure would help us both settle in when we got back. I didn’t know if it would work or if we’d feel the exact same after leaving for the second time.

But the fact was, with how I was feeling, I wouldn’t be able to get any work done anyway, and Laurene couldn’t go to her audition like this either. We both needed something and this was the best I could come up with.

Lifting her off my lap, I set her down on the couch and strode back to my desk. “You can go play, baby. I’m going to see what I can do, okay?”

52

BIRDIE

After Remington and Lulu left, I tried to keep my head up but it was even harder than I’d thought it would be. Considering that I’d known it was going to be pretty darn hard, this sucked.

Getting through each day felt impossible every morning when I woke up, and no matter what I did, the loss of them was there. No matter where I looked, they weren’t there. No matter who I spoke to or where I went, it wasn’t them and they still weren’t there.

Ever since they’d gone, it felt like there was a big black hole in my chest and there was no filling it. Not even speaking to Remington eased the ache of that emptiness. Like he’d promised, he called every couple of days and we texted back and forth, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him, smelling him, or tasting his sweet lips.

I swallowed back yet another sob and shook my head at Gracie before burying my tear-stained face in my hands. “I’m sorry. One of these days, I’m going to stop moping. Ignore me. Let’s talk about you. How are you? How is Declan?”

Another fact that didn’t make things any easier was that he’d stayed behind. Wrapping up business with Alan, Declan was still here, still with Gracie, and still reminding me every time I saw him that it had all been real.

Remington and Laurene hadn’t only existed in my imagination. They hadn’t been a dream and they were out there right now, living their lives while I was stuck here, unable to think about anyone or anything else.

Gracie gave me an understanding smile and squeezed my shoulders. “You don’t have to be sorry. Your heart is broken and it’s only been a few days. I’d say you have at least another week before you have to stop moping.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t feel like that’s ever going to happen.”

“It will,” she said confidently. “Besides, he said he’d be back, right?”

“Yeah, but that was before he left.” I frowned at her. “Why? Has Declan said anything to you about them coming back?”

She grimaced and shook her head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up. I just thought it would help to know that he’ll be here eventually.”

“It doesn’t. When’s Declan leaving?”

“Uh.” She swept her tongue across her lips.

“Spit it out, Gracie,” I said firmly. “You don’t have to keep things from me or treat me like I’m fragile just because my heart is missing.”

“Fine, but we really don’t have to talk about this right now.”

I gave her a stern look and she finally broke into a smile, her voice small and hopeful when she spoke again. “It actually looks like he might be staying for the fall.”

“The entire season?” I gaped at her. “Why?”