Page 102 of You Know You Wanna

REMINGTON

I couldn’t swing it.

A week after I’d asked Lulu if she wanted to go back to Blue Pines for a few days, I still hadn’t been able to get away. It turned out that working fewer hours in a day so that I could be home for dinner with her at five meant that I needed more time than ever to get my work done, and as a result, things were still piling up.

I’d barely cleared the backlog from our last break and there was just no way I could take another so soon. Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I glanced at my daughter and smiled.

“Don’t look so nervous, honey. You’ve got this. I promise. I’ve been watching your practices, remember? You’re going to be the best applicant they’ve got.”

She wrung her hands in her lap, her spine ramrod straight and her eyes just a little too wide. “I don’t know, Daddy. This is the only audition I’m going to get and I don’t think I’m ready.”

“You’re ready,” I said confidently. “Even your teacher said so. You came back from the summer in top form and you’re still there.”

“That was only because of Birdie!” she exclaimed suddenly. “She invited me to that barre lesson and she then she kept going to them with me. She let me practice in the studio whenever I wanted and she⁠—”

“Isn’t here,” I said gently. “I know that it sucks, but she’s not here. I’m sure she would be if she could, though.”

“I know.” She nodded.

“And if she were here, she would tell you that you’re ready and that you’ve got what it takes. Do you know how I know that?”

“How?” she mumbled.

“Because she told me. After she invited you to that very first class, she told me how good you were. She also told me how impressed she was with you. You can do this, baby. She believes in you, and I believe in you.”

I’d tried getting hold of Birdie earlier so she could tell Lulu all of this herself, but we kept missing each other’s calls. It had been that way for over a week now. At first, we’d managed to talk a few times but it had only been two weeks and we were already as good as out of touch.

It felt like the universe was separating us and I was starting to think that maybe it was for the best, even if it was killing me. She and I were in two very different places in our lives. I had to be in New York for the foreseeable future, and that would be even more true once Lulu’s audition was successful.

I was also just learning how to be a present father, and because of that, I couldn’t just jet off to see Birdie whenever the urge struck. Meanwhile, she was busy at Blue Pines, loyal to a man who admittedly deserved her help.

Unless he gave her the go-ahead, I doubted she’d ever leave there for any extended period of time and I also doubted he’d ever give her the go-ahead. With her being like a daughter to him and all, I just couldn’t see him telling her to go.

I pulled into the underground parking lot at the hotel where the auditions were being held, and I could see that Laurene was still sad. Grabbing the first available spot, I shut off the engine and turned to face her.

“I know you miss her, Lulu. You know I miss her too, but this is your dream. I wish I could tell you that it doesn’t matter what happens in there, but it does. You just said it yourself. This is the only audition you’re going to get for this program. You might have another chance in a few years if you don’t get in now, but you want to get in now, right?”

She nodded.

“Exactly,” I said. “What that means is that right now, you need to focus. Take all that sadness you’re feeling and all that joy you had in the Smokies, and put it into your performance. Go in there and do your best. Give it everything you’ve got so that even if you don’t get in, you won’t have any regrets.”

Her chest rose on a deep breath and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she smiled at me. “I’m still enrolled at Primrose, right?”

“You are.”

“Okay,” she said softly, then turned and opened her door, and I did the same thing.

Resting a hand between her shoulders, I guided her into the hotel. We signed in and settled in and waited for her name to be called. It didn’t take long. To my surprise, the assistant who came to get her invited me into the audition.

“You’re welcome to come watch, Dad,” she said. “We find that the dancers are more comfortable when there’s someone they love in the audience. It soothes the nerves.”

I stood up immediately, grateful for having pulled my head out of my ass before this happened. It pained me to admit to myself that I wouldn’t have been here for it before this summer. I probably wouldn’t have even known about it, but even if I did, I probably would have been working.

I had missed so much of my baby girl’s life without even realizing it, but that was all changing. I wanted to be a better man, and I was dead set on being the father Laurene deserved.

Once again, the thought made me want to talk to Birdie. If it hadn’t been for her, nothing in my life would have changed. I was better for having known her, and even if I never saw her again, I owed her a thank you for that.

Tears filled my eyes as Laurene’s performance began. The music she’d chosen swelled in the air and then she took the stage, sweeping across it with a skill and grace I wouldn’t have thought possible for a twelve-year-old to possess.