Page 57 of My All American Girl

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. This woman has turned me inside out.”

Jude ran a hand over his stubbled chin. Looking at him, I realized getting out of the service had aged him. “Ryker, you’re a good man. You’ve always been a strong leader and a better friend. But I’ve got to break it to you—this ain’t like you at all.”

“I know,” I admitted, letting out a sigh that sounded more like a groan. “Believe me, I know. But what am I supposed to do? Pretend like nothing happened, pretend like I don’t feel…”

“Don’t feel what?” he pressed when I didn’t finish the sentence.

I looked away and rubbed at the back of my neck, an uncomfortable silence stretching out between us. “Like I’m completely wrecked without her,” I finally admitted, the words barely a whisper.

Jude was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought. “Have you considered telling her all this?” he asked.

“The truth?” I let out a humorless chuckle. “Sarah isn’t exactly known for her empathetic nature. She’s as tough as they come. If she knows I’ve fallen for her, I think that would definitely cool things down. She’s young. She’s playing. She doesn’t want some old dude. She leaves in a couple of days. I’ll get a break from her and be able to see clearly. If she washes out of SERE, then it’s over. I go to London, and she rides a desk somewhere.”

“And if she doesn’t wash out of survival training?”

“Then I have to figure out how to get through the rest of our time together without touching her,” I replied. “I will not throw away my career for a fling. Or hurt her father.”

“Good.” He nodded. “I don’t want to be a dick, but I think it’s best if you pull back. You don’t want to mess up. You’re halfway to retirement. You can get laid anywhere.”

He was right.

“Thanks,” I said with a deep breath and glanced around the bar. “What do you need me to do today? Heavy lifting?”

He chuckled. “If you’re here to work, hell yeah. There’s always heavy shit to move.”