Page 57 of Do It With Me

CHAPTER 25

ELLORA

I had no idea what Holden was up to these days. It had been a couple weeks since I’d told him about my mom and he’d been busy. Sometimes, my texts went unanswered for hours and I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but I also hadn’t had time to wonder or worry too much.

Frankly, I hadn’t been much better than him at replying immediately. We’d seen each other in class and a few times outside of it for quick coffee runs or a late-night walks. He’d made me laugh on days when I hadn’t thought I could, but underneath it all, my world was rapidly getting smaller.

Mom was slipping faster and faster.

It felt like she was declining by the day now, if not by the hour. She’d been waking up confused, thinking it was morning when it was still pitch dark outside. Sometimes, she still recognized me right away, but often, she looked at me like I was a stranger who’d wandered into her living room.

Every time it happened, another part of me cracked inside. I was trying not to let it show, but I was also doing everything in my power to spend as much time with her as I could.

Because we were getting fewer and fewer of them, I tried to make the good days count. I cooked her favorite meals even when she barely ate. I sat beside her while she watched the same movie three times in a row and I held her hand until she fell asleep, scared that soon, there would be no more days left to fill.

That night when I’d told him, Holden had offered to help and he’d actually followed through. In addition to sending takeout, he’d also asked if he could arrange for a doctor to visit Mom at the apartment, someone who specialized in her condition. He’d been so gentle about it, like he didn’t want to push, but he’d also been insistent.

“I promise, this guy knows his stuff,” he’d said over the phone last night. “He’s not going to try to sell you some miracle. Just help you understand what’s happening and maybe help you to make her more comfortable.”

So I’d said yes. At this point, I would take any help I could get, and any doctor he could afford was bound to be at the top of the field. I trusted the doctors we’d seen. I’d researched them extensively and they were well known, but one more opinion couldn’t hurt. Especially from a specialist hand-picked for a consultation by a person to whom money was no object.

Unfortunately, that meant Holden and his fancy doctor were coming to our apartment and I was frantically trying to make the place look halfway decent before they arrived. Stacks of medical pamphlets I couldn’t get rid of sat on the kitchen counter while at least three of Mom’s afghans were draped over the couch, but every time I tried to pack them away, she’d fetch another.

The faint smell of antiseptic never seemed to leave anymore, even when we opened the windows for short bursts of time to let in some icy but fresh air. Bree was here too, helping me tidy up. She hummed quietly while she straightened the throw pillows, her dark curls tied up in a scarf.

“She seems calm today.” She glanced toward the armchair where Mom was staring out at the traffic below. “At least that’s good.”

“Yeah.” I swept up a few tissues and empty water bottles from the coffee table. “I’m hoping she stays that way. Holden and his doctor should be here any minute.”

Bree sent a knowing smile my way. “Holden, huh? The handsome professor billionaire who made you look and feel like a fairy tale princess? I didn’t know he was the one sending this doctor.”

I rolled my eyes, but my face warmed anyway. “He’s just trying to be nice.”

“Nice,” she repeated, drawing out the word like she didn’t buy it for a second. “By that, you mean that you find him ridiculously good-looking and that he’s obviously into you too, right?”

I laughed despite the fact that my stomach was all twisted into knots. “He’s just helping with Mom. That’s all.”

“Uh-huh,” Bree said, her grin widening. “Got it.”

Before I could fire back, there was a knock at the door and my heart jumped into a much higher gear. Bree wiped her hands on her scrubs and pumped her eyebrows at me. “That’ll be him. Would you like me to get it while you remember how to breathe?”

“I can breathe just fine,” I lied as I smoothed my sweater, suddenly hyper-aware of how tired I’d looked in the mirror this morning. The circles under my eyes felt carved into my face at this point and the worry on my features felt more prominent than my nose. “I’ll get it.”

I exhaled and walked to the door, pressing my hand to my racing heart, but it refused to calm. I wasn’t ready for this. For Holden to see my apartment or this part of my life. For the doctor to examine my mother and confirm what I already knew. I wasn’t ready for any of it, but ready or not, it was happening and there was no hiding or ignoring the truth.

Not anymore. So I opened the door to find Holden standing on the other side. He was lit by the hallway light, a tall man in a dark coat beside him. The doctor.

Holden smiled when he saw me, a slow, reassuring smile that made my chest feel a little lighter. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “Come on in. Mom and Bree are waiting for us in the living room.”

I stepped aside and waved them in. The doctor was a calm-looking man in his fifties with kind eyes and a clipboard tucked under one arm. He extended his hand to me after I’d shut the door behind them.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Kinney. I’m Dr. Feldman.” When I touched my palm to his, he gave my hand a firm shake. “Do you mind if I spend a few minutes with your mother alone?”

“Of course,” I said, my voice catching as I released his hand and inclined my chin toward the living room. “She’s right through there. She likes to sit by the window. Bree is her nurse. She’s with her, but I can call her if you’d like?”

“No. I’ll handle it. Thank you.” He nodded and walked off quietly, his footsteps silent on the carpet.