Page 118 of Luci’s Lullaby

“I believe someone’s hungry.” Mom tweaks her nose. “I wish my other girl would decide to eat again.”

“I eat, Mom, just not as much as you think I should.”

She sits down, reaching me some coffee. “Not like you used to, Charlee.”

I sigh. “I know, Mom. I’m not the same woman I was once was.”

“Pssst, you are exactly the same woman. You’ve lived and learned, that’s all.” She blows on the hot cup.

“Mom,” my brow knits as I think about how to ask this, “how did you get us through when Dad left?”

“The grace of God, lots of tears, soul searching and love.” She sips her drink.

Her answer brings me up short. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“I prayed a lot, didn’t get all the answers, but I still prayed. I cried often, mostly in the shower so you and Theo didn’t know. I found myself; one reason I never married again. And love.” Her forehead creases along the same lines she’s had for years.

“Love? No, thank you.” I giggle as I feed Luci. “Finding myself? I don’t even know where the hell I went, so I’m not so sure I can find me.”

“I found that I love the woman I became; that I wanted a man, but I didn’t need one. I still love your father, Charlee. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, but we were young, and I was sick. Not everyone can withstand a storm.” She twists her mouth.

“Don’t I know it.” I smirk. “I love Alden, Mom. Always have, always will.”

“Did you think you were fooling everyone? I didn’t remarry. I’m sure it was obvious why.” She chuckles.

I shake my head. “No, I didn’t think I was. I hate Luci has no one to love her.”

“She has you.” Mom smiles. “And me. The way I see it, she has a family; she’s just waiting on him to come home.

“I guess we both are.” I kiss Luci on the head. “Alright, I need to get this girl to Emerson.”

“How are y’all doing with this schedule?” Mom stands, clearing the table.

“It works, but I don’t care what I need to do as long as Luci is taken care of, and I think we know she’s best with me. I don’t care if he knows or not and I don’t care if he gets mad about it.”

“I love you, hang in there.” Mom kisses my cheek. “So, his place after work and then back here tomorrow?”

“Yep, she seems to be doing so much better. Emerson’s doing great too; she’s good help while we work.”

“Be careful.” She kisses Luci as she babbles on.

“Always,” I smile down at my girl, “for her.”

I get ready for work and pack Luci’s bag. I hate going to Alden’s; it wrecks my soul being there without him. Everyone’s so worried about him, but they have no clue what it’s taking me to keep moving forward.

I get on the road and over to Emerson in plenty of time. The first week about killed me; I was always late.

“Knock, knock,” I call out, looking for her. “We’re here. Good morning.” I search the living room and kitchen, but no one’s here.

“Hey.” Emerson comes up behind us and I jump, startling Luci and she begins to cry. “Oh, no. I’m sorry.”

“Shhhh, it’s alright. I gotcha, baby girl.” I rock back and forth, calming her down. “Sorry, I knocked.”

“I was packing Aksel a bag.” She smashes her lips into a thin line.

“Where’s he going?”

She scratches her head. “It’s his last trip. His internship will be over, but they need him to go try to help with something now. So what’s in the bag today, Luci?”