Page 59 of Luci’s Lullaby

“That’s it, good job.” The nurse turns to me with a paper in his hand. “Give this to the discharging nurse and you’re ready to go.”

“Who would’ve thought something so small would take so much energy to put in.” We laugh.

“Car seats are great but yeah, they could make them easier to install.” He chuckles.

“I’m thankful I had friends to help show me.”

“Well, from what I’ve seen, Luci is in good hands.” He pats my back as we step onto the elevator.

“I hope so. I’ll be honest, I’m scared shitless.”

“Spoken like a true father.” He smiles.

“I’m not though, I’m her uncle.”

He stares at the numbers as they change. “A man isn’t a father like a woman is a mother. She gives birth, the bond is natural. Fathers have to build their bond.”

“What about adoption?”

He shrugs. “Trust and love can be built; isn’t that what marriages are made of?”

“I hear you, I’m just not sure how to do it.”

He turns to me. “Love is the purest and easiest thing to do if you allow your heart to give it freely. It doesn’t matter if you gave birth, fathered a child, or if it has two moms or two dads. All that matters to the child is love. Give it to her a hundred times a day and then when you think you’ve loved her enough. Love her some more.”

“You make it sound easier than putting in a car seat and I, for one, know love ain’t easy.”

“Maybe you haven’t been in love.” He grins.

I shake my head. “Nope, but I love my brother.”

“Trust me, when it happens, everything will change and the way you see things will too.” The elevator opens, and we walk toward the nurses’ station.

“We’ll see, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.”

“You’re right, we’ll see.” He smirks. “He’s ready to go, ladies.”

One of the other nurses stands, taking my paper. “We’re so happy to see you two leaving.”

“I’m happy I’m here for her.”

She lays a paper down, pointing to it. “Sign here and here. I have a few things for you, like pediatrician information and things of that nature.”

“Thank you.” I do as I’m told and take the other papers. “Let’s get Luci.”

Oddly enough, I have to ride a wheelchair down while holding Luci. It’s hospital protocol, like watching me buckle her in. We draw attention from people throughout our departure.

Women clasping their chest and holding a hand to their eye, men just stare. I’m nervous enough, and this isn’t helping. Once we’re buckled up, we say our goodbyes and hit the road.

“Luci, we have exactly three and a half hours before you need another feeding. Pray for us because I do not want to try to give you a bottle on the side of the road.”

Every bump and shift in the road, I’m peeking in my mirror in hopes she hasn’t woke up. I hear a few grunts, and I worry she’s pooping. “Dear God, no. Not in my truck.”

Reese offered to come with me, but the twins are handfuls. I can do this. I pull up at my place just as she starts squirming. Her perfect little pouty lips kill me, they’re so pretty.

“Come on, girl. I’ll get everything else out after you eat.” I pull her carrier out and grab the diaper bag.

Sitting her down, I open the door and take her in, locking the door behind us. “Safety first.”