Page 83 of Touch of Class

The conversation moved on around her, but Gillian’s heart ached in her chest. She’d put them off again, held all her closest people at arm’s length. She flashed back to her conversation with Brooke over the weekend. She’d missed so much with her and Tegan, with Sawyer and Robin, too, and she’d never get those moments back. They were settled, their origin stories written without her. She could be left behind while they moved forward, or she could pull them to her in the only ways she had left.

“I kissed Daphne,” she blurted. Everyone turned to her, eyes wide, expressions nowhere near neutral. She wasn’t used to being the center of their attention at this level, so she simply added, “Twice.”

Everyone lost their minds, and Gillian couldn’t even blame them this time. She was losing hers, too. Something about their joint reactions gave her permission to admit what a big thing she was experiencing. Kissing Daphne the first time had set something right inside her. Kissing her the second time had blown all that short-lived peace to bits.

“I need more details,” Tegan finally shouted over the din of everyone talking at once.

“Agreed,” Robin called. “Everyone but Gillian shut up and let her tell us everything.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t give them everything. She didn’t even understand everything, but she supposed putting things into some kind of narrative order couldn’t hurt.

“It started as part of our attempt to reauthor the prom narrative.”

“Makes sense.” Sawyer reached for Robin’s hand. “Worked for us. Did it work for you?”

“In a lot of ways, yes,” she admitted. “I’d let those memories shape me for years in ways I didn’t fully comprehend and maybe didn’t want to. Kissing Daphne under the heading of closure or reconceptualization or offering grace to our teenage selves exceeded my expectations. It settled something inside me.”

Brooke beamed at her. “That’s amazing, and brave. I’m not surprised, but proud.”

Gillian smiled at the memory of the peace she’d finally felt in Daphne’s presence. It had been such a huge shift to safely tuck all that turmoil into bed. Her stomach clenched. God, what had she been thinking opening Pandora’s box again tonight?

As if recognizing the change, Robin leaned forward. “Okay, if the first time was sweet and satisfying to that level … why the second time?”

Gillian pulled her fuzzy blanket a little higher on her lap. “I don’t know. I mean, I can tell you what happened, but I have no easy answer as to why. I haven’t had time to process or talk to Daphne. I worry she doesn’t want to talk to me about it because she was all too ready to shove me off with all of you tonight.”

“Oh shit,” Sawyer said. “Did we interrupt you trying to talk about the second kiss?”

“You, well…” Gillian’s face warmed. “You interrupted the second kiss.”

Everyone grimaced, and Tegan covered her eyes with her hands.

“Nooo,” Robin finally said. “We cockblocked the boss.”

“Ew.” Gillian shook her head. “Don’t ever—”

“Metaphorically speaking only,” Robin said quickly. “I thought you two looked heated, but I assumed you’d been arguing.”

“We had, kind of.” Gillian tried to piece together how things spun out of control so quickly. “She was mad at me, and she admitted the first kiss had affected her, so I tried to apologize, but she didn’t seem to want that, either.”

“Because she didn’t want you to be sorry. She wanted you to feel what she was feeling,” Brooke supplied.

Gillian nodded. “I think so.”

“Been there,” Tegan sighed. “It’s the worst being all wrapped up and overwrought and having all these pent-up emotions all alone.”

“Same,” Robin said.

“Except you weren’t alone in your emotions.” Brooke looked pointedly at Robin, then Gillian. “Neither of you were, and it kind of sounds like maybe Daphne wasn’t either.”

“I didn’t think about the first kiss the way she did,” Gillian said slowly. “I didn’t feel revved up. I felt calm and safe, but I think feeling those things with her was so new it may’ve worked me around to the same place via a different route. When she started talking about everything the kiss did to her, I realized it had done quite a lot for me, too.”

“That’s beautiful,” Tegan said, “and sounds like it led to the second kiss.”

She nodded as the memories stirred in her once more. “And the second kiss was … different.”

Everyone sat forward, clearly wanting more, and not just for clarification purposes. They wanted the full impact, and for the first time since she hired any of them, Gillian wanted to share it.

“It was hot, okay? So hot I forgot where I was, forgot who I was. I forgot everything but her.”