Page 114 of Before We Break

He chuckles. “You are right about one thing. My girlfriend is all of those things and more.” His fingertips toy with a lock of hair near my cheek, and his expression sobers, his words taking on a more serious connotation. “No more secrets. No more rules. No more pretending. The contract ended the moment I walked back through that door.”

“What do we tell everyone?” I hold up my hand to display the ring I placed there three months ago in a panic and never had the heart to take off. “This is supposed to still be an engagement.”

“What the town doesn't know won’t hurt them. We’re together—the label is irrelevant. And maybe someday I’ll get down on one knee and make that part real, too.”

My heart feels like it might beat right out of my chest, the foolish organ latching onto every word like a solemn vow. There’s still a little voice in the back of my mind telling me to put on the brakes. Nobody changes their views on marriage overnight. We’re both riding the high of a new relationship, and once things settle, he might change his mind again.

I’m not doodling little hearts in a notebook or practicing a new signature for Clio Weston. I don’t need a ring or even a new last name to know I want to be with him. My affection isn’t contingent upon future plans. Whatever awaits us a month, a year, ten years down the line doesn’t matter to me as much as living each moment as it comes.

We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, but we have right now, and I’d rather live in the now than bank on a future that might never come.

THIRTY-THREE

THE BLUEPRINT

♫ She Used To Be Mine - Sara Bareilles

CLIO

“There’s no return policy on girlfriends,” I tell Noah as he lays the heating pad across my lower belly. “You can’t send me back and get a new one with a fully functional uterus that doesn’t regularly put her out of commission. You’re stuck with me.”

He presses a chaste kiss to my forehead and sits at the end of the couch, resting my feet on his lap. “I guess I’ll just have to keep you.”

“Did you get the stuff for Lexi? She should be home any minute, and I want to be prepared. You know how she gets.”

“Bathroom and fridge are fully stocked for the monthly Marsden meltdown.”

“Excuse the fuck out of me. You named it?”

“Thought about making a feminine rage playlist.”

I glare at him. “I liked you better when you were being an asshole.”

“There’s no return policy on boyfriends, either,” he says.

The front door creaks open and Lexi strides into the apartment just like any other day. She deposits her backpack on the floor and sits in the chair.

“Hey, kid.” Noah digs his thumbs into the arches of my feet. “There’s brownie batter ice cream in the freezer, and I restocked the bathroom for you.”

“Why?”

“Shark week?”

“Oh. It’s not time for that yet.” She doesn’t look up from her phone, probably texting Hayden again. They’ve been almost inseparable since Christmas.

I stare blankly at the ceiling, doing mental calculations. It wouldn’t be the first time my cycle was out of whack, but we’ve been synced up for months. “Have you been tracking your cycle as I showed you?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“What does your app say?”

From my vantage point, I have a perfect view of her phone screen as she opens her period tracker. She swipes back to March, then forward again to April. Her face pales.

She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Lex?” Noah says. “You ok?”

I struggle to breathe as my eyes sting. “Lexi. Sweetie. Talk to me.”