Page 128 of Before We Break

I need you.

I love you.

As if he’s somehow heard my thoughts, he starts whispering reverent words against my temple. “Shhh. I’ve got you. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Noah.”

He cradles my face in his palms and presses our foreheads together. “I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry. I’ve got you.”

I want so badly to believe him, but how can I when nothing in my life is permanent? I keep losing the people I love over and over again. They say grief comes in waves, and I suppose that’s true, but it feels like this one just might drown me.

THIRTY-SIX

JAZZ HANDS

♫ Fear of Water - Noah Kahan

CLIO

Friday night blurs into the early hours of Saturday morning with no sleep to be found. The nurses confirm the worst, and Lexi is taken back for a D&C procedure. Hayden is a wreck, and who can blame him? He just got the worst news of his life and watched his first love being wheeled away on a hospital bed.

Noah returns from the cafeteria with coffee and a bagel, and my stomach roils at the suggestion of food. He retakes his spot next to me, rubbing his palm up and down my back as I sip my coffee. He’s barely left my side all night, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t been there.

“You should eat,” I tell Hayden. “It won’t do you any good to starve yourself.”

I’m a hypocrite, but if it were my child, I’d want to know someone was taking care of them. He takes the paper bag from my hand and peels it open.

“Have you talked to your parents?” I ask.

He takes a large bite and swallows. “They’ll be here soon.”

“You can go home and get some rest. Lexi would understand.”

“No. I want to stay. I need to stay.”

There’s solace to be found in the knowledge that Lexi’s first love is someone gentle and attentive. They still have a lot of growing up to do, and a lot can change over time, but I would be proud to someday call Hayden my son-in-law. He’s been there for her every step of the way, and I can’t ask for much more than that.

The automatic doors open, drawing my attention to an imposing figure in a police uniform.

“Hayden,” he says, voice stern and unwavering.

He’s about average height with a stocky build. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s former military based on the haircut alone. His dark eyes are cold and menacing. One thing’s for sure: Hayden looks nothing like his dad.

Hayden stands, spine ramrod straight. “Hi, Dad. Mom.”

That’s when I notice the woman at his side—Karen Parker in her powder blue pantsuit, her blonde hair pulled into a low bun. Neither of them looks particularly sympathetic given the circumstances, and something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

Mustering all the energy I have left in my body, I stand. “Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I’m Clio Marsden, Lexi’s Mom.”

“We know who you are,” Karen sneers.

My fist tightens around my coffee cup as her haughty gaze cuts to Noah. “Noah Weston. Figures you’d be involved in this mess somehow.”

Noah takes up residence at my side, resting his hand on my hip. “Karen. Always a pleasure.

“Time to go home, Hayden,” Mr. Parker says.

Hayden tenses at my side. “No. I can’t leave. Lexi’s still in surgery.”