Page 44 of Hilarina and the Ogre

"Promise it then. You're not saying it like you mean it.”

"Because you don't mean it.”

"Yes I do.”

“Says the boy who almost vomits anytime my saliva accidentally touches his mouth. You're not managing sex.”

"I do not vomit. And sex doesn't have to be with saliva.”

"Sex is nothing but saliva."

But Hilary wouldn’t be budged. "I can do it.” When Trenton laughed, he only shouted it louder, “I can do it!”

Trenton lifted him off the ground to give him a spin before pulling him down into a kiss that was too much like appeasement. "If you really want to, we can try. But you're going to flail around like you did the time you had that slimy cantaloupe."

"I won’t.”

“You know I’ll cry if you stop kissing me because you get skeeved out. Are you prepared for that?"

“I wouldn’t do that.”

"You would. You could only eat dry foods for a week after the cantaloupe. Remember?”

Hilary was becoming properly pissed off again. What was he, a baby? But Trenton wouldn’t stop smiling, and that was harder to argue with.

“Asshole,” but Hilary could only mutter it, unable to put any real feeling into the insult.

“Says the one who fell for me.”

"I didn't fall for that part of you.”

"Liar.”

Chapter Twelve

The Last Shithole on Earth

The parents, being parents, picked up on it as soon as they got home. Trenton hadn’t even finished filling the kettle before they were on them. Albert was the one intensive enough to actually ask. “So, did he propose?”

Anyone else would have choked. Trenton was beaming. “Yes.”

“I didn’t!”

Annette’s mood was nothing like her husband’s, scowling as badly as she had been when Trenton had dropped the bomb about not going to college. “Of course he didn’t. Stop filling their heads with nonsense. They have exams this week.”

It was a fresh dose of reality. As much as Hilary was looking forward to Christmas break, there were all the finals to get through first.

“The exams won’t be a problem,” Trenton said. “But I do want to speak to you about after that once Hilary moves out.”

Albert’s attention was caught. “Oh?”

Annette slammed down the roasting pan. “Why would you move out? We have a nice university within commuting distance.”

Trenton set down the mugs he was holding, the green and pink set they’d found at a flea market on one of their Wednesday hooky dates. “Because Hilary wants to have sex.”

Albert sprayed the room, the counter, and his wife with the diet coke he’d so confidently tried to drink.

Annette didn’t so much as blink. “He can have sex after college."