Page 78 of Silk and Sensibility

Captain Bai answered matter-of-factly. “When I was reviewing the goods my soldiers recaptured near the Grand Canal, I found a zither that I recognized as yours. It was in bad shape, so I hired a craftsman to repair it. I wasn’t sure how much of the original material could be saved, but I told him to preserve the original design as much as possible. Do you think the repair job is all right?”

Meilin trembled as she set the zither on her lap. Her left arm ached, but the instrument’s fit was familiar. She played a simple chord, savoring the deep timbre of the zither. Fond memories and cherished hopes flooded back to her. Even though she couldn’t play like she used to, she felt whole.

“I love it.”

The captain released a sigh as if he had been holding his breath.

Meilin’s anticipation increased. “Why did you go through all that trouble to give me such a precious gift?”

Captain Bai’s expression was intense. “I like you, Meilin. I’ve admired you ever since I heard you play ‘Three Stanzas on Plum Blossoms’ the first night I met you, and my feelings only deepened as I grew more acquainted with you.”

Meilin clutched the zither closer to her chest, wondering if he could hear her heart pounding. She stared at him, waiting for more. When he hesitated, she leaned in playfully, not caring that she was being too forward. He’d already admitted he liked her.

“Is there anything else?”

“I wish I could marry you . . .” Meilin felt a surge of elation before she saw a shadow fall across his face. “But there’s something important I haven’t told you yet. It’s about Sandy.”

Meilin’s stomach dropped. He was referencing the rumor about Sandy being his illegitimate daughter; she was sure of it. Since the day he had saved her life, she had put the rumor out of her mind. She told herself it didn’t matter because Sandy was a sweet child and Captain Bai was a great guardian. If he had made any mistakes in his youth, he was past it now.

Except he’s obviously not.

Whatever secrets he held still bothered him enough to prevent him from proposing marriage. Meilin set her zither to the side of the bench. She didn’t want Captain Bai to hide any part of himself from her. She would love him regardless of his secret, and she wanted him to know it.

“You can trust me, I promise.”

He looked down. “I know I need to be honest with you if I want to marry you, but I’m afraid this story will make you think less of me.”

She grabbed his hands. They were rough from military training. She held them tight. She wouldn’t turn away from him no matter what. “I am here to listen.”

Captain Bai peered into her eyes for a long moment. After taking a deep breath, he began.

“When I was a young boy, my family took in an orphan girl who loved to play the zither. Her name was Yi Lisha. She grew up with my older brother and me, so I thought of her like an older sister. In my family, one man from every generation needs to serve in the military, so when I turned seventeen, it was decided that I would go to Beijing and eventually take the military service exams while my brother stayed home to marry Lisha and take care of our parents.

“Unfortunately, while I was in Beijing, our parents passed away, and our family fell into dire financial straits. When I went home to see my brother three years later, he was on his deathbed. He had drunk his body into the ground, and he owed so much money from gambling that he sold my sister-in-law to pay his debts.”

“That’s awful!” Meilin had committed not to judge, but she couldn’t help but feel repulsed. “How could your brother have done such a thing?”

Captain Bai pulled his hands away as if in shame. Clenching his fists in his lap, he gazed up at the crape myrtle branches, frustrated and helpless. “You’re right, of course. The sale wasn’t even legal. But once it happened, Lisha was trapped as a brothel performer. I was eventually able to find her in Yangzhou, but it was too late to save her. She had given birth to a child and was very weak. She barely survived long enough to tell me who her baby’s father was and how to find him. She said he planned to come back to marry her and raise their child after making his fortune elsewhere.”

“Did you end up finding him?” Meilin braced herself for the answer.

Captain Bai closed his eyes. “I did. His old landlady in Yang­zhou, Madame Guo, was a woman who happened to be a former concubine of the late Master Jiang, and through her I learned that the man was in Suzhou and was renting a house from Grand­mother Jiang. Suzhou happened to be where my next post was, so I brought Sandy with me and took up lodgings with the intention of reuniting her with her father. I observed him while trying to figure out how to approach him.

“While following him in secret, however, I found him with a courtesan at a theater, making the same kinds of promises that Lisha had said he once made to her. That’s when I realized I couldn’t turn Sandy over to him, even though that was what Lisha wanted. I lied and told everyone Sandy was my niece so that I could raise her instead.”

“And her father?” Meilin asked.

“He was a playwright called Wei Luobi, and he still doesn’t know that Sandy is his daughter.”

Meilin was speechless. When Captain Bai told her he had a secret, this was not what she had expected. Sandy was not the secret child of Captain Bai but of Wei Luobi.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before? Does anyone else know?”

Captain Bai buried his head in his hands. “I haven’t told anyone but you. I was too scared. Lisha suffered so much, and I wanted Sandy to have a better life than she did. I was afraid of giving her up to a man who wouldn’t care for her as she deserved. I know this makes me sound like an arrogant, twisted monster.”

“Don’t say that.” Meilin set her hand gently on his back. She felt like her heart was breaking. Separating a child from their biological parent was a grave matter—it was unfilial and unnatural—but she could also understand why Captain Bai had done it.

With Wei Luobi’s history of abandoning women, it was impossible to know how much he could care for anyone, especially a child. Society’s protections for daughters were weak. Meilin could not imagine Sandy living with Wei Luobi, even more so now that he was married to Magistrate Gao’s daughter. The Gao family did not seem like the type to be kind to a son-in-law’s child from outside relationships.