Page 79 of Silk and Sensibility

“Do you know if he ever went back to look for her?” Meilin asked, half scared for the answer.

Captain Bai shook his head. “Not that I know of. I didn’t tell Madame Guo about Sandy, but I asked her to notify me if she ever saw Wei Luobi in Yangzhou again. It’s been five years, and she hasn’t said anything. I also never saw him leaving Suzhou until this year, when he returned to Hangzhou.”

Meilin felt both angry and relieved. Five years was plenty of opportunity. Not even trying to look for Lisha or Sandy during all that time confirmed that Wei Luobi had abandoned them. He was heartless, but his heartlessness meant that Sandy was safe from him. As long as they didn’t meet again . . .

“What are your plans for the future?” Meilin asked.

Captain Bai looked up at her. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to keep this a secret from Sandy forever? Will I need to keep this a secret too?”

Meilin hated secrets. In principle, she believed that honesty and honor were synonymous. Looking back on the past year, however, she realized that wasn’t always the case. Ailin often kept her feelings hidden to avoid hurting others. Captain Bai also hid Sandy’s parentage to protect her. Could Meilin say they were categorically wrong?

“I’m willing to do that, if that’s what you want,” she said quietly.

Captain Bai sighed. “I don’t know about the future, but until Sandy grows up, I can’t tell her the full truth. Would you be willing to marry me, even knowing all this? You don’t have to accept me just because I asked.”

Meilin considered his question carefully. This was no small matter. The situation was complicated, and she didn’t know if they were doing the right thing. Choosing to marry him meant taking on all the secrets and responsibilities he shouldered as well. Circumstances in the future could change too. What other thorns and brambles could fall into their path? In her gut, however, she intuited an answer.

“I trust you,” she whispered, so low she could barely hear herself.

“What did you say?” Captain Bai leaned in closer.

The more Meilin looked into his eyes, the surer she became.

He cocked his head in confusion. “What is it?”

When she asked her heart, she was absolutely certain. In this lifetime, he was the one for her. She would embrace all of him. Reaching behind his neck, she brought her lips to his ear. “I said I trust you, Bai Yun. And I want to marry you.”

昔日齷齪不足誇，今朝放蕩思無涯。

春風得意馬蹄疾，一日看盡長安花。

The pains of the past

are not worth remembering,

For my joy today

is limitless.

The spring wind lightens

the stallion’s flying hooves,

As all the flowers of the capital

bloom in splendor.

—Poem by Mèng Jiāo, Tang dynasty, transcribed by Fan Enze

Chapter 33

Ailin

Ailin helped Meilin set up three small stools in the garden for zither lessons. Since Meilin had begun teaching Treasure and Fortune in addition to Sandy, she needed more help. Unlike the well-behaved Sandy, Treasure and Fortune were little imps who needed constant adult supervision.

The courtyard rang with cheerful voices as Captain Bai led the children into the garden, each with their own child-sized zither. Meilin’s face lit up at the sight of him, and he gazed back at her with such tenderness that Ailin had to look away. Since the two of them formalized their betrothal, they had become completely comfortable in each other’s presence. Ailin was thankful they would be married before the New Year. They both already seemed like they were in their own world.