Page 19 of Dead Boys Club

TO: [email protected]

SUBJECT: Re: (No Subject)

FROM: [email protected]

Do you think you could tell Paige about what happened? I don’t think it’s fair that your parents want to keep that from her. And I don’t think it’s fair that you’re expected to not talk about it with anyone. Do you have a therapist or anything? I have one. I’m not really good at talking to her though. It’s kind of awkward. I don’t know if it helps but maybe it’ll help you?

Sorry. You should tell Paige.

9/6/2009

TO: [email protected]

SUBJECT: Re: (No Subject)

FROM: [email protected]

being a reid means that in no way shape or form can u be as fucked up as i am and get away with it. god theyre so worried about what people in town will think as if i dont already have the entire school talking every time i take a shit. i cant tell paige because…… i dunno. every stupid fight this family has is about me and whether im on drugs or if weed counts as a drug or me failing school or me crashing the car or me not being respectful enough to henry and his dumb holier than thou academia macho bullshit. just because hes a tenured professor or whatever and he expects me to be smart and good at shit. why make paige stress about another fuckin thing wrong with me??? all of this is my fault anyway. i should just get it over with.

9/6/2009

TO: [email protected]

SUBJECT: Re: (No Subject)

FROM: [email protected]

I don’t think it’s your fault. But I think her not knowing is stressing her out. She seemed pretty worried when she asked me if I knew whether or not you were on drugs. Like, I think she can tell that something is wrong. And she doesn’t know what it is. By the way, you’re not, right? On drugs, I mean. Because I told her you’re not on drugs. I know weed is a drug, but it’s not the same as something, like, I don’t know, hard drugs. You’re not on hard drugs are you?

Don’t answer that.

9/7/2009

TO: [email protected]

SUBJECT: Re: (No Subject)

FROM: [email protected]

fuck u im not on fucking drugs. smoking A LITTLE BIT of weed makes me feel halfway normal. the meds the drs switched me to in the psych ward make me want to sleep all the time.

so whats your damage really? why did u write that note. and don’t just be vague like u did the other day. why do u want to join the dead boys club?

9/7/2009

TO: [email protected]

SUBJECT: Re: (No Subject)

FROM: [email protected]

The dead boys club?? We’re not calling it that.

I don’t know. I know that’s probably not an interesting answer, but I think it’s the closest to the truth. Officially, I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression, but I don’t think that’s really it. I think if you have an anxiety disorder, the medication should work more than it does for me. I feel like I’m an alien half the time. All the things that other people can do, I can’t. “Anxiety” doesn’t even cover it. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

I don’t have any friends. Except for Isaac and he’s only my friend because he’s my neighbor. I’ve spent the last however many years in school with the same people and haven’t been able to find common ground with anyone. Nobody even notices me enough to bully me. That would be human contact, at least.

You know, when I tried to ask Paige to the eighthgrade dance? I couldn’t even get the words out. She just looked at me like I had two heads.