Page 44 of Darro

“I’m not hurt. I’m just mad. This place makes me mad all the time, you know?” She needed to calm down, she knew, but after what she’d seen the men go through that seemed impossible. “Why do you protect the women but let the clan fight those things alone?”

Ava winced. “I never want to turn my back on the men, but the ladies here aren’t trained for battle. We do ask them to help inside the stronghold.”

“You’re trained.” She eyed one of the maids who was hovering a short distance away. “Do you want to come over here so you can hear better, nosy?” As the maid turned and hurried away she rubbed her tired eyes. “Look, this can’t go on. My boy cousins taught me to stand up to bullies and fight smart when I was in kindergarten. We need to teach the rest of the women to fight, not hide. The more of us there are out there, the less chance any of those things kill any of our people.”

“Okay, let’s talk about it with Olivia and Grace in the morning. For tonight, why don’t you go and relax?” The laird’s wife smiled at Esme’s surprised look. “I’m not unreasonable, you know. I’m just trying to keep everyone safe, as best I can.”

“Safe is not better. Fighting, that’s better.” She stalked off.

As soon as Esme got to her room she found Elspeth pouring steaming hot water into a wooden tub. The chambermaid nearly dropped her bucket when she saw her, which made her realize for the first time how filthy she’d gotten during the attack. Dirt, soot and oil streaked her gown, and she had lost one of her shoes. Staring at her filthy toes bemused her, because she hadn’t noticed she was barefoot at all. No wonder Ava had looked at her like she had lost her mind.

“It’s okay,” she told the chambermaid. “I’m not injured, just dirty. I was out helping the guys during the attack.”

“By the Gods, my lady.” Elspeth came to inspect her from all sides before she untied her laces. “When ’tis so bad, you should come inside the castle to hide with the rest of us. Truly.”

All these women believed they were powerless, Esme thought. Yet some of the worst fights she’d ever seen in the neighborhood had been between two girls. Ava’s advice to relax for the night echoed in her head, and she forced back her anger.

“I’m not afraid of fighting.” She leaned over to look at the flower petals floating on the tub water. “Thanks for bringing the bath. I really need one.”

The chambermaid sighed. “At least you’ve no injuries. Shall I help you bathe, my lady?”

She thought of how Darro had looked at her right before he’d gone. Why hadn’t he come to her yet? Maybe he was having second thoughts. Maybe the spell of fear over him still held him in its grip. Maybe she’d have to break that rule about girls going alone to the garrison hall. God help anyone who got in her way if she did.

“I’d like to wash myself, if you don’t mind,” she finally said. “Thanks, manita.”

As soon as the chambermaid left, Esme stripped and sank into the tub. When the wet heat engulfed her she sighed with relief and appreciation. Every part of her ached, but not from exhaustion. Her lips still throbbed from the kiss that Darro had given her. She reached over the side to grab the bar of soap Elspeth had set on the little table beside the linen towel, and watched it slip through her wet fingers, which were shaking. Why was she scared now? The battle was over, finished.

Not every battle.

She leaned over to pick up the soap and went to work. As she scrubbed she imagined Darro doing the same thing in the garrison hall. Was he thinking about her, and their kiss? Did his mouth throb, and did he have the same ache in his chest? Had she convinced him that she wouldn’t break in two if he touched her? What if her kiss hadn’t broken that fear spell, and kept him from coming to her tonight?

“Then I’ll go find him,” Esme promised herself before she ducked her head under the water. It couldn’t be that hard to get past those guards.

The process of bathing and washing her hair took another half-hour, and then once she’d dried off and put on a shift, she had to deal with the tub, which took several trips with buckets to the privy. If she did anything while she was here, she thought, she should update the clan’s indoor plumbing.

What if they’re right, and I can never leave again?

Esme always faced reality, no matter how uncomfortable it made her. While her girl cousins were trying to fit in by dyeing their dark hair blonde and breaking out in rashes from skin-whitening treatments, she had proudly remained a brown-skinned black-haired Chicana. She had fought long and hard for her career and the future she envisioned for herself. Wanting to escape the spell trap wasn’t just about going back to her job, it was the path she’d chosen to follow long ago. She had a passion for her work that nothing else had ever diminished or replaced.

Journalism wasn’t just a job; it was her calling.

She wanted to find and bring the truth into the light so that everyone knew it. It was often exhausting and disheartening work that demanded long hours but rarely gave her anything in return beyond weary satisfaction. She’d never make a lot of money, and because she was brown skinned, she probably would never become a big name journalist, but she didn’t care. None of that mattered to her; she’d never once been tempted to change careers and do something easier.

Until I came here and met Darro.

She didn’t want to think about the chieftain and how he was starting to get in the way of her path. She’d end up being the one who was terrified. To distract herself she dragged the nearly empty tub into the privy to dump the last of her bathing water into the waste shaft, and then looked down at her front. She’d splashed herself a few times, and now the shift clung to her in places looking almost transparent. Her breasts still remained swollen and hard from being pressed against Darro’s chest. Her dark nipples had become so engorged she wondered if they wanted to pop off her breasts. She imagined his big hands covering them, caressing them, easing the awful aching that was about to drive her crazy.

“It doesn’t matter,” she muttered as she dropped the tub on the floor and closed the lid of the privy. “He isn’t coming anyway.” She sat down on the lid and covered her face with her hands. Was she crying? Why would she cry over him being smart? Fear spell or not, he was always going to be the strong one.

She was falling in love with Darro McKeran and she had absolutely no idea how to handle it.

The sound of someone coming into the room startled her, and Esme listened as they closed the door and dropped the bar. The heavy footsteps told her it wasn’t Elspeth, and that made her swallow against the sudden tightness in her throat. Darro wasn’t staying away tonight. He’d come to keep the promise he’d made to her with that kiss. All she had to do was go out there and he would be there. He would be hers. She could have what she wanted right now. It was all she could think of anyway.

But what if they’re wrong, and I can leave? If he’s mine, can I take him with me? Would he want to go and live with me in a world he doesn’t understand, away from his brothers and everyone he cares about? Could she really be that selfish?

“Esme,” he called, his voice as soft and gentle as a caress, making her shiver. “Come out here, lass.”

Slowly she walked into the bedroom to see her chieftain standing by the barred door. He had changed into a white linen shirt that hung open to his waist, exposing part of the muscled wall of his chest. His long hair looked darker; still wet from being washed. Even from where she stood she could smell his wonderful scent. His hands looked gigantic for some reason. She wanted to see them on her body; she wanted to suck on his fingers. She wanted to bite that dent in his lower lip and then soothe it with her tongue. Already a climax was starting to build inside her, and he hadn’t even touched her yet.

His lack of expression didn’t fool her; she could see all that smoldering intensity darkening his eyes. He was just as tied up in knots as she was. Why was he just standing there? He had to see she was his, even now, on the other side of the room.

“Are you scared?” she asked. When he nodded she gave him a sad smile. “So am I, but not of you. I was made for you, mi vida. Just let me show you tonight, okay? You can’t hurt me. I promise.”

Darro’s gaze locked with hers. “You’re fearless, I ken. ’Tis yet another part of you that makes you so beautiful, your courage.”

“I’m still afraid of this place. Your world. Your time, too.” Admitting why might ruin everything and end this before they got started, but she had to be honest. “We have to settle this upfront before we do anything we can’t take back. Whatever happens between us, I won’t stay here, Chief. I’m not like the other girls from my time. I don’t want to be part of your clan, even for you. If there’s any chance at all I can return to my world, I’m going. Are you okay with that?”

“Aye.” He walked toward her. “If ’twill help, ’tis the same for me. When you leave, I shall stay with my brother and help him rule. I owe him my loyalty, and that, ’twillnae change for the rest of our lives. I’m his strong right arm. As such, no matter how much I may wish I could, I cannae go with you.”

“So we’re clear on going and staying. I’m glad.” She let out a long breath. As he came to her, she looked up at him. “Thank you for coming to me, mi vida. I didn’t think you’d show up tonight. I was planning to break into the garrison hall to find you.”

Darro could have touched her anywhere and Esme would have shrieked with delight. When he took hold of her hand and lifted it to his lips, she had to swallow a sob. Then the fire in the hearth flared out toward them, reminding her of his mortal weakness.

“I’m sorry, I’ll put it out,” she said.

“Dinnae bother. Come up to the solar with me.” He pressed her hand over his heart. “I wish to talk with you under the stars.”

Talk? That’s all he wanted to do? Esme wanted to hit him again, but then thought of the quiet beauty of the solar. Maybe the change of atmosphere would help.