Page 108 of Surrogate For My Best Friend’s Man 2

I shook my head, then Grandma’s expression changed. “Kim ain’t the one you're scared of though.”

I knew immediately where she was going. “Alisha is the one you’re scared of.

My appetite disappeared, grandma watched me. “I already told you I’m not telling her.”

“And I already told you I won’t either.” I looked up. She’d promised me that before, grandma believed it was mine and Deuce’s truth to tell. But knowing she wouldn’t expose me didn’t make me feel much better anymore every day it got harder. Every time Alisha called, I had to think before I spoke. Every time she asked about the babies, I felt like I was walking through a room full of glass trying not to break anything.

And the apartment visit had made everything worse. She’d walked through my nearly empty home furious at Malik for me and ready to defend me. And what did I do? I lied again. I told her Malik cheated, that wasn’t panic anymore, that was a decision. I had put dirt on a man who hadn’t done anything except find out I’d been lying to him for months.

Grandma must’ve seen something change in my face. “That’s what’s bothering you.”

I didn’t answer. “That lie about Malik.” She asked.

I pushed my plate away. “I didn’t know what else to say.”

“You could’ve said nothing.”

“I panicked.”

“And now?”

Now I was trapped, if I told Alisha the truth, I wasn’t just admitting one lie. I’d have to explain everything. That Deuce had been messing with Kim and that Kim couldn’t carry. That I’d agreed to be their surrogate. That I’d let Malik believe these babies were his. That I’d stood at my own baby shower while Kim announced the truth in front of everybody and still didn’t tell Alisha.

That I’d watched my best friend beat Kim’s ass without stopping to explain why Kim kept calling them her twins and after all of that, I’d looked Alisha in her face and lied again about Malik. There wasn’t one confession waiting for me. There were months of them stacked on top of each other.

And once I started telling the truth, I wouldn’t get to choose which parts Alisha found out, she’d know everything. “I can’t tell her, Grandma.”

“You can or is it you just don’t want to?” She asked.

“I don’t want to.” There that was the truth. Grandma didn’t respond immediately. “I already lost Malik. Deuce in jail and I don’t know what the hell my life is gonna look like after I have these babies. And if I tell Alisha…” I couldn’t even finish it. Alisha had been there before Deuce and Malik. She wasn’t just my sister-in-law. That was my girl, the person I called when something good or bad happened. The one who could tell something was wrong just by the way I said hello.

I knew exactly what telling her could cost me, everything. “I’m not ready to lose her too.”

Grandma’s face softened, but she didn’t rescue me from it. “So you’re gonna let her keep loving you without knowing what you did?”

That hurt bad. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

I looked away because I did. I was going to keep lying, not because I thought it was right or because I believed Alisha didn’t deserve the truth. But because I was scared. Scared that the second she knew, every year of friendship between us would stop mattering. Scared she’d look at me and see Deuce’s sister instead of her best friend. Or even worse, she’d see somebody who helped make a fool out of her, and she’d be right. “I know it’s selfish.”

Grandma nodded. “At least now you are telling the truth about something.”

I gave her a look. “Damn.”

“What? I’m proud of the progress.”

“Grandma, please.”

She reached for her tea. “I can’t make you tell Alisha and I’m not telling her for you.”

Relief mixed with guilt.

“But don’t fool yourself into thinking silence protects your friendship, it only protects the friendship you got while she doesn't know.

She was right. The Alisha who loved me right now didn’t have all the information. If she knew everything, maybe she wouldn’t love me the same, maybe she wouldn’t love me at all. And I wasn’t ready to find out.

Grandma leaned back. “Truth doesn't need your permission to come out, Shante.”