Page 20 of A Highland Family Affair

Olivia swiped at tears trickling down her own face as she watched the same leaving damp trails on her brother’s.

‘She loved me unconditionally and I just took advantage of that. Alcohol is only one of the issues I need to work through and even though I know it’s too late to make a difference to some people, I know that changing now is the right thing to do.’ He lifted his chin and looked around at the eyes all fixed on him and gave a light laugh. ‘Oh, God, and now I’m hogging the conversation, sorry.’ He swiped at his face.

‘Not at all,’ Steve said with a reassuring smile. ‘You’ve made the best possible decision by coming here tonight, Kerr. We’ve all been there and we’re right here beside you.’

Kerr nodded. ‘Thanks. That means everything.’

The drive back to the castle was travelled on dark, winding, tree-lined roads and mostly in silence. Kerr had disappeared into his own mind and stared blankly out of the window of the car into the blackness that surrounded them. The only light to punctuate the journey was the glow of their headlights which, every so often, glinted in the eyes of creatures hiding in the hedgerow.

Olivia wondered what was going through her brother’s mind and concern niggled at her until she had to break the silence. ‘I’m so proud of you, Kerr.’

He clenched his jaw. ‘I don’t deserve it, Olivia. I’ve been doing some real soul-searching lately and I’ve come to the conclusion you’d all be better off without me. I should have stayed away. I should have just drunk myself into an early grave like Michael and done you all a favour.’

Olivia’s stomach lurched and she pulled the car over into a lay-by then reached up to switch on the map light. ‘Stop that right now. I don’t want to hear such rubbish. You’re my brother and in spite of what you may think, I love you. You’re making changes and I’m here to help. So please don’t say things like that, okay?’

He turned in his seat to face her. ‘I’ve been the worst big brother. I never wanted to spend time with you when we were growing up. You were so much younger than me and I saw you as an irritating little bug. But, of course, you weren’t. You were a sweet kid who looked up to me, for some reason. Any time I did spend with you was either under duress or to get a kick out of tormenting you. What kind of person does that make me? I mean who does that? Then, I was awful to you when Mum died. I acted like I was the only one who’d lost her, but in all honesty, I wasn’t even grieving. I was indulging in a pathetic pity party for one. I was thinking of the inconvenience it caused me and then I was thinking about the money I could gain. I’m a monster, Olivia. A mercenary, cruel monster. It was only when I started living on the streets that I even realised what I’d truly lost, what I’d done to you. My behaviour at your fashion show was inexcusable.’

His voice rose and his anger at himself was almost a venomous entity in its own right.

‘I used Bella when she had real feelings for me, and only after she unceremoniously dumped me did I realise I had genuine feelings for her too. And I lost her thanks to my own stupidity. And then there’s Adaira. She was such a loving woman. I treated her like shit, Olivia. Like a bloody cash cow. I’ve used people and treated everyone like shit. So why should anyone, least of all you, forgive me?’

She reached out and firmly took his hand. ‘Kerr MacBain, stop. Do you realise how hard you’re being on yourself? Okay, you were a shit. A total shit, I agree. And yes, what you did at the fashion show was awful, and you were horrid to Bella and Adaira, there, I’ve said it. And okay, we weren’t close growing up. But that’s the beauty of life, you can change, and you can start again. But only if you’re here. Do you think I want to lose another family member? Do you think I’d rather you weren’t alive? Because if you do then you really don’t know me at all.’

His chin trembled and his eyes glistened in the dim glow of the light above their heads. ‘That’s just it, though, Olivia, I don’t know you at all. And I’m kidding myself if I think I can make amends. I don’t feel I deserve forgiveness.’

Olivia softened. ‘Kerr, I think the first thing you need to do is work on forgiving yourself. Only then will you allow others to do the same.’

He placed his hand on top of hers. ‘I don’t deserve you. I really don’t.’ He shook his head.

‘Well, you’re stuck with me,’ she replied with a smile. ‘Now let’s go home and have a hot chocolate to warm ourselves up. And no more talk of graves, okay?’

He nodded. ‘Okay.’

8

Tuesday afternoon rolled around, and Olivia roped in the help of Brodie to sit in on the PA interviews for a second perspective, and Mirren to show the interviewees through to the office as they arrived. By four in the afternoon, they had interviewed five candidates but were disappointed to say the least.

‘I honestly thought we would have found the perfect person by now,’ Olivia said with a sigh as they waited for the final candidate to arrive. ‘I underestimated how hard it would be.’

Brodie sighed. ‘I must admit, I’m surprised that we haven’t got multiple options at this point. But none of them seemed just right.’

Olivia scoffed. ‘The first guy was just…’

‘Arrogant,’ they both stated simultaneously.

‘The way he said, “Oh, I could run this place with my eyes closed,” was the final straw,’ Olivia said with a roll of her eyes. ‘He made it sound like we were all incompetent and we’d be lucky to have him on board. Not the way to make friends and influence people.’

‘Yeah, and I just loved the way he said, “I think you’ll want to increase my salary pretty quickly once you see what improvements I can make to the place.”’ Brodie laughed. ‘Erm, I don’t think so, pal. You knew what the salary was when you agreed to the interview.’

Olivia paused for a moment, lost in thought. ‘And the last woman was too mousy. I can’t see her coping under stress.’

Brodie nodded. ‘Aye, I agree. She was picking at her nails the whole time.’ He contorted his face. ‘Bleurgh.’ He shook his head. ‘I think my dad would terrify her, never mind Mirren.’ He chuckled.

There was a knock on the door and Mirren opened it. ‘I heard that, Brodie MacLeod,’ she hissed, her eyes narrowed. ‘You make me sound like some kind of ogre.’

He grinned. ‘Good thing you love me, eh, Mama Mirren?’

She flicked her head, making a show of ignoring him, but Olivia caught the slight smile that flashed briefly on her lips. ‘Lady Olivia, your final candidate is here.’